The Man Who Saved Me

Chapter 10

“Shonali, come on, you can’t flake on us now!”

Malia wasn’t wheedling and gentle. She might have imagined she was, but she just sounded extremely exasperated.

“I really don’t feel like going out, Malia. I want to track down a few parts. I need a mirror for the bike. It needs to be perfect. I’ve got a line on one but I need to get it. And I need to make sure the paint is being shipped.”

Malia shook her head.

“You haven’t gone outside for an entire month, Shonali. You have gone to work, covered Linda’s shifts, come back and worked on the bikes, and for the rest of the time, you’ve hidden yourself away at home. You can’t keep doing this.”

Shonali shrugged.

“I’m happy this way. I have my hobby, I have my work, the business is going well, and I have no interest in going to watch a silly chick flick that I won’t even like. If you want to have a drink, we can do it here. If you don’t, and want to watch a movie, we can pick something we both like and do that here, too. I see no reason to go out and get shoved around, and deal with a bunch of idiots, and so on and so forth.”

Malia laughed, and it was odd to hear such a harsh sound coming from such a tiny, lovely woman.

“You’re hiding. You miss him and you’re hiding.”

Shonali shook her head too quickly and too vehemently.

“I do not. He left. We Skyped a couple of times, but not much. He doesn’t have much connectivity except when he’s in a city. So we’re just friends now. That’s all there is to it. There’s no point going on about this. He has his life, and I have mine. My life is here. If you don’t approve of how I’m living it, that’s too bad. This is what works for me, and this is what I’m going to continue doing. You’ll have to deal with it. Carlos is dealing with it.”

Malia literally grabbed a hunk of her hair and pulled.

“Dealing with it? He’s dealing with it, you say? And you don’t think we flipped a coin to see who has to talk to you and drag you out of your damn cave, because somebody has to do it, and you won’t leave it on your own? You don’t think that I lost the coin toss, because damn him for always winning?”

Shonali blinked.

Then she shook her head again.

“Well, neither of you need to have bothered. I’m doing perfectly fine. I’ve found a taste for a quieter life, and that can only be good. I have Leonidas. He doesn’t nag me.”

Shonali knew she sounded like a petulant child as she said that, but she didn’t care. She just wanted to be left alone.

What would happen if she admitted to how she felt? How empty she felt, how hopeless everything felt?

It was as if everything vibrant had suddenly gone dull and still, and she was just empty.

There was nothing.

She was trying to keep busy, because being productive was the only thing that helped. Having fun seemed like a futile thing to even attempt. She couldn’t have fun.

She had tried to laugh and joke, but the fun in everything had just leached away, leaving her with nothing except her work and her bikes.

So she would focus on both, and she would move on, eventually.

Couldn’t her friends at least give her some real time before she had to move on?

“Shonali, if you don’t talk to us, we can’t help you.”

Shonali rounded on Malia.

“Help me? You can help me by leaving me alone, if this is all you have to talk about. I don’t need a babysitter. I don’t need to be nagged. I don’t need to be told all about what I need. I’m trying to go on with my life as best as I can. I’m sorry I’m not snapping out of it and jumping back into being your entertaining friend as quickly as you want me to be. I’m coping. I’m fine. I just need some alone time, unless that’s too much to ask.”

Shonali regretted the outburst as soon as it was done. She had hurt Malia. She knew that.

“Malia, I’m sorry…”

But Malia had turned around and was leaving.

Shonali felt like she had pushed away one of the few people in the world who loved her, completely.

Adam hadn’t loved her, and he had left. She hadn’t been able to hold on to him.

Now Malia had tried to stay with her, tried to help her, and she had pushed her away, as well.

What was wrong with her? Was she just destined to live her entire life without real human connection?

Maybe she should take a leaf out of Adam’s book and see what it was like to live with no roots. Maybe she should just get on Leonidas and go on that road trip she had always wanted to do.

But most of her old dreams seemed to pale in comparison to the need she felt for Adam.

Of course Malia had been right. She missed him. She tried not to think about him, and she could do that as long as she focused on something else.

But she hadn’t been able to sleep properly in days. When she closed her eyes, all she could see was Adam.

Sleep evaded her.

When it did come, it came with dreams of Adam, that made her wake up with tears streaming down her cheeks.

When she was awake, her shield was dependable. In sleep, she was so vulnerable.

Maybe she did need help.

But she had pushed away the person who had offered her help.

Sighing, Shonali buried her face in her hands and wondered just what she was going to do.

How was she going to go on?

When would it stop hurting so much?

When would she be able to move on?

*****

“We need to do it, Carlos.”

Malia’s quiet declaration only brought forth a resigned sigh from Carlos.

“Shonali will skin us alive.”

His reply was mournful, and with good reason. Malia knew that Shonali would too skin them alive – but she’d be happy if Shonali could rouse herself enough to even roast them. That was the best she was hoping for, at the moment.

“And how are we going to get in touch with him?” went on Carlos.

Malia shrugged.

“I have his Skype id. Just need to add him. I got his phone number, too.”

Carlos looked amused.

“You went through Shonali’s phone.”

Malia looked engrossed in examining her nails.

“She wasn’t using it.”

Carlos chuckled.

“Well, she’ll still skin us alive, but maybe we need to risk it. You’re right, though. This can’t go on. She’s turning into a shadow of herself. She won’t even talk to me! She used to talk to me about everything. Everything! No matter what kind of trouble she was in. Now she’s acting as if we can’t see that she misses that man as much as she would miss an organ, and she expects us to go on as if nothing’s happened.”

Malia recognized Carlos’s frustration.

Sometimes, Malia found herself wishing that he’d stop keeping so much of it inside. He was such a gentle giant, but he was no pushover.

She had always liked him. He was her friend.