The Man Who Saved Me

Chapter 9

Shonali made herself smile as they went shopping.

She had insisted that they needed to go shopping.

He could pack light, she told him, but most of his essentials had been in use for years. If he was going to work in conflict-ridden parts of Uganda, he’d probably be glad for extremely sturdy pants, sensible underwear and a really good, lightweight sleeping bag.

Besides, she knew a guy who could get it done.

Of course she did.

She just wanted to make sure that he was sent off with everything he needed. It had absolutely nothing to do with needing to spend as much time with him as she possibly could.

Absolutely nothing at all.

“I think these would look darling on you, really,” said Shonali, holding up Spongebob Squarepants – they were square underpants, of course – and grinning.

Her cheeks were hurting from all the grinning.

Malia had told her the day before that she was getting quite concerned, but Shonali had brushed off all worries.

She was fine.

Just fine.

Look, she was smiling, wasn’t she!

Carlos had been too smart to say anything. Besides, he knew it was useless.

When Shonali did denial, she did it really, really well.

It wasn’t like Adam and she were serious or anything. They had just been dating for a couple of months.

What could possibly happen in a couple of months?

Everything, her treacherous heart told her.

Shonali told her stupid heart to shut up. It had caused quite enough trouble already. She didn’t need any more.

“I don’t think that’s my style, Shonali,” said Adam.

Shonali huffed.

“Oh, take a chance here, doctor. It’s sturdy, it’s cotton, and it’s fun. You will probably need some fun over there. You might not have satellite television, you know.”

She’d been making jokes for a while. She wasn’t too sure how many were horribly distasteful and how many were funny.

He hadn’t told her to shut up yet, so she figured she hadn’t messed up too badly yet.

There was time yet.

“Will you let up on that really horrible paisley tie if I get this?”

Shonali shrugged.

She was honestly surprised that he knew what color paisley was at all. And she agreed that it was pretty horrible.

She must have been acting really deranged if he hadn’t realized that she’d meant that one as a joke.

“Deal,” she promised, as she went off on a mission, to find the best damn pair of jeans in the state.

By the time they were done, it was late evening.

Adam had taken a few days off from work to get the paperwork ready, and she had insisted on using one of those days for shopping.

He had looked as if he were going to object, but she must not have masked that look of hurt in her eyes quickly enough, because he had relented suspiciously quickly.

“I think we did pretty well,” said Adam, finally, as they sat down to pizza and beer at her home.

Her home was beginning to feel oppressively like Adam when he wasn’t there. They spent almost all their time together there.

When he wasn’t home, it didn’t feel like home. It felt as if the space itself was constantly waiting for Adam, just as she was.

Shonali smiled. She knew he was trying to humor her. He hadn’t wanted to waste time shopping. But everything else he needed to do could be done by him alone. She’d needed to spend time with him.

If she was a little hurt that he hadn’t felt that same need, well, she had to swallow it.

Shonali told herself that the distance would do her good. The one-sided relationship was not doing her any favors. She needed time and distance, too. She needed to think things through and try to get over Adam Catten.

Dr. Dreamboat was going off to save the world again, and that was probably a good thing for her, too. He couldn’t save her now. He had already done it once. Now, she needed time to heal and mend her heart.

She could do it.

She had to do it.

It was so tempting to have more than her occasional two pints. Maybe she should’ve gotten wine instead.

“So, it’s thrilling, isn’t it? You’re going to be off saving the world!”

Shonali’s voice was too bright, just as her words were.

“I’m going to be back in six months, Shonali. I’ll miss you.”

His quietly spoken words nearly broke her.

But she made sure her eyes were dry, her smile finally faded, and her voice didn’t tremble when she replied.

“I know. I’ll miss you, too. But when you come back, there will be the next mission, and then the next mission. This is your calling, Adam. I knew that all along, didn’t I? So I’m glad you can be happy. It’s better this way. We both know that I’m in a bit too deep. I need time to pull back a little. I can’t tell you that I’ll hold a torch for you, and be waiting for you when you come back. But if you ask me to wait, I will,” she told him.

Her honesty did what all her cheery bravado couldn’t have.

They made him feel guilty.

But he smiled.

“You understand me very well. You’re… very special, Shonali. I need you to know that. I have never met anybody who understood, so quickly and so well, what this means to me. You never tried to make me stay. You never tried to manipulate me. I know it’s not easy.”

Shonali felt her pride get a bit stung when he said that.

“It can’t be that much more difficult for me than it is for you, doc. Anyway, it’s not like I’ll have nothing to do. Linda’s niece will be in town in a couple of weeks, so I’ve promised I’ll cover for her whenever she needs me to. Besides, there’s that old Triumph I’ve been working on. She’s going to be a beauty one day. And I’ve been completely neglecting my grandfather. And Carlos. And Malia. I guess they’ll be glad to have me back in their lives properly again. I’m not going to waste away, Adam. I’m going to be fine.”

He nodded, but she wasn’t sure if he’d bought it.

But he seemed willing to let it go.

“Spend the night here?” suggested Shonali.

They seemed to rarely spend nights apart now.

Adam hesitated.

Shonali, for once, didn’t press the issue.

She wouldn’t cry now, she promised herself. She would cry later, when he was gone.