You Make Me Whole

Chapter 4

As the night came to an end, and everyone said the overly emotional, drunken goodbyes, Ray had drunk enough to obliterate her previous nerves. As she and Carter stood outside the bar, each wanting the other to make the first move on how the rest of the night was going to progress, she felt the same instinct that she felt outside the restaurant. She wasn’t ready for her night with Carter to end.

He was a funny drunk. He couldn’t make himself stop smiling, his teeth gleaming in the disco lights, and he laughed a lot. He suited his lack of inhibitions, although Ray had to admit his nervousness had its own charm.

They hugged, kissed and talked nonsense for what felt like a time, each moment heavy with the tension that both didn’t want to be the first to address the elephant in the room – how the night was going to continue.

Ray eventually got tired of the suspense, and the liquor gave her too much confidence. She gave Carter another kiss, before whispering in his ear, “come back to my place?”

He kissed her neck, causing her to let out a low moan, before he gently pulled back and looked at her, concerned.

“Are you sure, Ray? You’ve had a lot to drink, and so have I. I don’t want you to do anything that you wouldn’t want to do sober.” She couldn’t believe it; even when he was totally wasted, he still put her first. It sent yet another round of butterflies through her stomach.

“I want this, Carter. I want you. Do you want to come home with me?”

He smiled and kissed her again, this time slower, more tenderly. “Of course I do, Ray. But I will want to spend the night with you just as much when I’m sober, and I’m more than willing to wait to make sure you feel the same.”

“You know, you should really write a book on how guys should talk to women!” Ray giggled, as she play slapped his chest. His big, strong chest…

“I mean it, Ray. It’s not just a line, I promise.”

“I know it isn’t,” she muttered as she laid her head on his shoulder. She shivered in the cold and he instinctively wrapped his arms around her. “Come on, I’m not even that drunk,” she said as her body hiccoughed in betrayal. “Okay, maybe I’m a little drunk, but I know I want this. Please come home with me.” She knew tomorrow she would cringe at how she technically begged him to come home with her, but right now she didn’t care, or at least wasn’t currently capable of such an emotion.

“I’d love to go home with you, Ray. Let’s go.”

The cab ride back to Ray’s apartment was fairly quiet. It wasn’t far; in all honesty they could have walked it in a decent amount of time. But in their current state and the height of Ray’s heels made taking a cab a lot quicker and easier.

They both sat on either side of the cab, holding hands across the middle seat. And yet, Ray stared out the window the whole time, seemingly as did Carter. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, but it was heavy with the mixture of excitement and uncertainty that the rest of the night was going to bring. Ray hazily recalled that her apartment was a mess, the thought of having male company not even crossing her mind as she left for her date with Carter. How long ago that all seemed now. If she were sober, she would be mortified to bring him back to her place in its current state. She was sure he lived in a pristine house, which lacked any clutter or neglected chores. She wondered if she would see what it looked like for real. She liked the idea that she would.

It had been a while since she had brought a man back to her place. Doug, her last boyfriend, was the last to spend the night. She had had plenty of opportunities to bring guys back since they had split up, but Ray had never been keen on one-night stands. They were always fun to start with…but watching them leave, often before she went to sleep, often left her with a sense of self-loathing and lack of worth that never made up for the usually less-than-average s*x.

They arrived at her apartment building, and continued the silence as they climbed the stairs up to her room. Once they reached the door on the third floor, Ray turned towards Carter.

“I…I don’t live in the nicest of places. I won’t blame you if you don’t want to stay.”

Carter sighed heavily, tucking a strand of Ray’s hair behind her ear.

“Ray, trust me, if you’re in the room, nothing else inside is any interest to me.”

She laughed softly, not used to all this flattery. “Seriously, write that book!” she joked, before kissing him gently to make sure he knew that she appreciated his words.

Their lips never left each other as she led him inside. She clumsily pulled off his suit jacket and let it fall to the floor before kicking off her heels and throwing her purse in the general direction of the couch. His arms were so warm and strong on her back as they pulled her tightly towards him.

As she gently directed them in the direction of the bedroom, they became distinctively clumsier. They knocked into pieces of furniture, they occasionally stood on each other’s toes, even their teeth knocked into each other’s a few times as they tried to maintain a rhythm.