You Make Me Whole

“She says your mom is always showing her pictures of you whenever she gets a chance and talks about you all the time. She says she feels like she knows you already from how much your mom goes on about you.”

Ray felt an uncommon twinge of emotion at that. She was so used to her parents always going on about finding a decent job, a decent man, and having a family; she assumed she was nothing but a disappointment and constant source of stress to them. To hear that her mother was always talking about her and showing her off to the world gave her a huge surge of warmth and affection. Maybe her parents only badgered her to better her life for her own sake, rather than so they didn’t have to feel embarrassed of her?

“Well, tell your mother thank you very much,” she said shyly to the table. “My mother tells me you’re an accountant? That’s very impressive.” She mentally kicked herself for bringing up the topic of jobs. Once he asked what she did for a living it was bound to make the rest of the night awkward as he realized just how different they were. She wasn’t sure why it suddenly bothered her. She had never been embarrassed to explain her lack of ambition to anyone before. If they thought it made her pathetic and a bit of a waste of space then they were welcome to go and waste their time judging someone else. But for some reason, Ray felt an unexplainable urge to impress Carter. Maybe it was because he wasn’t what she was expecting. He had a sense of humor, he was clumsy, and his nerves totally eradicated the arrogant image that Ray assumed for all accountants? Or perhaps it was because she knew that Carter would report back to his mother, who would no doubt fill Ray’s mother in on any of the details that Ray herself chose not to divulge? Maybe, after all this time, she wanted just once to make her parents proud by hearing from a total stranger that she was lovely, just the way she was?

To her surprise, Carter’s shoulders sagged a little, and his expression became a lot more strained.

“It’s…well I suppose it’s a secure job.”

“Oh my God, you hate it?” She couldn’t help but blurt it out in shock. How many times was Carter going to surprise her tonight? He laughed at her forwardness.

“Hate is putting it strong…but I never got into it because I loved counting other people’s money. Let’s put it that way.”

“How did you end up getting into it, then?”

“My father had his own firm, and the only way he would help me pay for my college education was if I studied Accountancy, so it was that or nothing.” His eyes widened suddenly, as if he’d revealed too much. He was probably panicking that Ray would go running to her mother who would pass on to Barbara that her son was bitter and ungrateful about his free education.

“It’s not that bad, really. Just a little repetitive, and you can work for some total jerks. But I guess that’s the same everywhere,” he said, as if shrugging the bad feelings off.

“Yeah, that’s true.”

“What do you do?” Ray’s stomach flipped in panic. She was sure he’d be very nice to her about it, but she didn’t want to see the shielded look of disappointment, or even worse, pity, in his eyes.

“I…erm…I don’t really…”

“You don’t work?”

“No, I do,” she spluttered, struggling to get her words out. “It’s just nothing impressive. Right now I just hand out flyers for this guy with a photo printing service.”

He smiled warmly at her, “That wasn’t too hard to tell me, was it? Do you enjoy it?”

“Oh no, not at all,” she replied bluntly, causing Carter to laugh loudly once again. “It’s boring as hell, and not much money but at least it’s something. I’ve got to work somewhere.”

“What do you want to do?” He was looking at her so intently, hanging on to her every word as if she was giving a presidential speech. His left hand absent-mindedly stroked his chin as she spoke; it was quite hypnotic.

“Well, I don’t know. I haven’t really…I’m not exactly what you would call a career kind of girl. I know it’ll make feminists everywhere angry but-“

“You want to be a housewife?”

“Oh God, no! I’ll always want to do my own thing. I don’t want to rely on anyone financially, and I definitely wouldn’t want to be stuck in the house all day doing chores. I just can’t get excited about work. For me, work is just that thing you do to get money to spend on the real fun. I don’t really mind what it is. I guess I’m just a bit more passionate about life then work.”

He nodded approvingly, and he raised his glass to her. “I like your outlook, very philosophical. I’ll toast to that.”

Ray took a few moments to look him in the eyes with skepticism, but couldn’t find a hint or sarcasm or a lie. She hesitantly raised her glass to meet his with a soft clink and took a small sip of her wine.

“You really think so?” she asked. “You sure you’re not just being nice?”

He laughed again, softly this time. It was a nice sound, not to mention infectious. Ray couldn’t help but join in, even though she knew he was laughing at her.

“Of course I think so. I mean, if there’s the perfect job where you can have fun and enjoy it then there’s a win-win, right there. But not every one of us is going to land that dream job, so having the attitude of just getting through and making the most of your spare time is refreshing. I like it a lot.”

Ray shrugged, but she couldn’t help the childish smile that was spreading itself across her face. On paper, Carter couldn’t have seemed more different. She was all set on planning on blowing the date off as soon as possible and running to her friends to have a laugh about it all. But for someone with such a different lifestyle to her, Carter seemed to understand her more than anyone else had in a long time. Even if he didn’t understand, he was certainly accepting of Ray’s different views.

The rest of the date carried on with just as much ease and interest. They joked about how their parents were more concerned about their love life than either of them were. They talked about music, movies, hobbies, and each topic showing more differences in their personalities. But the odd thing was this never seemed to raise a red flag toward the other, if anything it just inspired more interesting conversation. They even laughed about how they had next to nothing in common apart from persistent mothers. But there was something comforting about Carter. Ray really felt like she could be herself without worrying about him judging her or disapproving.

As they stepped outside the restaurant, the sudden chill giving Ray the urge to wrap her arms around him and feel his warmth. The wine had made her light and giggly, but it was nothing close to her limit. She wasn’t ready for the night to end.

“My friend, Marcie, is having a party for her birthday not far from here. I was going to stop by for a few drinks. Do you want to join me?”

Carter smiled before hesitantly checking his watch. “I’d love to, Ray. I have work in the morning, so I can’t stop for long, but sure I’ll come along.”

They started the walk, and Ray automatically linked her arm with Carter’s. She liked the feel of his sturdiness as he returned the pressure with her. She smiled to herself as she thought of what her mother would think if she knew right now that Ray was leading the sensible accountant out for drinks with her friends. Perhaps she can teach him a little more about her ‘don’t live to work’ perspective.