You Make Me Whole

She swept her hair up into a sophisticated bun and washed her face before reapplying a minuscule amount of make-up compared to the amount she wore last night. Her Mama never let her out the house as a teenager with so much as a spot of color on her face. She said it was deceptive to change your face, and no man would love a girl that started telling lies so young.

Dressed in a smart black sweater and jeans, she headed over to her parents. Her car as always, rattled and squealed as she made the drive over. She knew they weren’t healthy sounds, but she couldn’t help thinking that it gave her car character, and she would feel lonely in a quiet, smooth running car.

Her father, Ed, always opened the door for her before she even got on the driveway, no doubt hearing the car approach as soon as she turned onto their street. The stifling quietness of the suburbs always set Ray on edge, reminding her of how desperate she was to move to the city as a kid. She needed the noise, the constant buzz and chaos to feel like she wasn’t missing out on anything. Here just felt like the world was slipping by, a feeling her parents admitted they had always longed for. Perhaps that was what love was? Your whole world shrunk until you only needed one person in it to feel like it was full. Everyone else could carry on and you would sit in your safe bubble, hiding from time and all sorts of other dangers that threatened to separate you.

Ed always greeted Ray with the biggest of embraces at the door, as if he hadn’t seen her in months. The truth was that she came over for dinner four or five nights a week. He shifted his weight from his stick to her, and she would gladly take his weight as he chuckled into her ear about how good it was to see his Ray-Ray. Her father’s crinkled smile always reminded Ray of what love really was. It wasn’t flowers, love letters, or men holding out a chair at the dinner table. It was a Daddy always seeing his precious little girl no matter how old she got.

The way her parents were together was something Ray knew she would eventually want when the time came for her to settle down. They didn’t spend every spare moment looking deep into each other’s eyes, or showering each other with gifts and compliments. They went about their own thing during the day without needing the other there, and when they did spend time together, they often snapped at each other for the stupidest of things, but what struck Ray as true love was that they could be as mean to each other as they wanted, and they still made each other howl with laughter. Neither ever got offended or kicked the other out the house, they understood each other so well that their flaws became reasons to laugh and joke. That’s what real love was.

Ray followed the homely smell of her mother’s cooking and found her in the kitchen, stirring away at a pasta sauce.

“You’re later than usual today,” her mother, Tanya, commented as Ray kissed her on the cheek. This was another thing that put Ray off ‘the normal life’ routine. Everything happening at the same time every day. A schedule that once disrupted by so much as a few minutes caused chaos amongst everyone involved.

“I got back late from work,” Ray shrugged, grabbing plates and cutlery out of the cupboard.

“You were outside all day in this cold?” her mother asked with a harsh shriek, spinning around and spraying sauce from the wooden spoon all over the counter. Ray shrugged again.

“My girl! You’ll catch your death out there,” she carried on as she wiped up the mess. “You’ve got to find something else before winter sets in. See, this is why you should look for a nice little office job where you can stay safe indoors. I don’t like you being out there on the streets in the city. It’s not safe.”

“It’s not that bad, Mama,” Ray said as she filled glasses of water for the table. “Sitting down all day would make me fat,” she giggled and nudged at her mother’s elbow for her to join in. Tanya just sighed heavily as she did so well.

“I would feel better if there was a man in your life who I knew was keeping you safe.”

Now it was Ray’s turn to sigh. “Mom, you’ve got to wake up. It’s the 21st Century. Women aren’t supposed to need men to feel safe anymore. And the city isn’t as scary as you think, especially during the day in a busy street with loads of people. Nothing’s going to happen.” She always neglected to tell her mother about the way people often spoke to her when she tempted them with a flyer. Men often smirked and made vile comments, some looked at her with pure hatred that she had dared even speak to them. Of course there were still the handful of racists, who decided to hate her no matter what she did. She hadn’t let any of it get to her for a long time. It just justified her belief that she didn’t have to care or try hard at her job. Why should she if that’s how people are going to treat her?

“Hmm, perhaps I should talk to dear Luke about partnering you up with someone, or putting you somewhere more sheltered so you’re out of the cold?”

A chill of humiliation ran down Ray’s spine. As if Luke needed another reason to think he had employed the most pathetic human being on the planet. She couldn’t tell if he would laugh or roll his eyes if her mother headed down to give him a talking to.

“Mama, it’s fine. I’ll handle it OK? Just please leave it with me.” Tanya pursed her lips, but kept it at that, which was always a sign that she had said her bit.

Ed shuffled in behind them, and soon they were sat down to dinner. The conversation had been light as Ed told Ray about his and Tanya’s trip into town to try and hunt down the blender they saw on the TV. Ray stifled her laughter, as she knew this would be a story that would have bored her parents to death a decade ago, but she smiled and nodded along as the story took its twists and turns.

As her eyes wandered around the room, she caught sight of the calendar hanging up on the refrigerator. Her heart suddenly sank as she noticed the date.

“Is today the 17th?” she blurted out, interrupting her parent’s discussion over which brand of peas they preferred.

Her father nodded. “What’s up, Ray-Ray?”

Ray took a deep breath and let her head fall into her hands for a moment before Tanya harshly tapped her arm and scolded her for having elbows on the table.