You Make Me Whole

Annabelle stormed over and snatched the shot out of Ray’s hand. She hadn’t even realized that she had picked it up off the table, holding it dangerously close to her lips.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Annabelle screamed at her. “That’s straight vodka. Are you out of your mind?”

“I didn’t realize…I don’t know what I was doing.”

“Do you have any idea what kind of damage that could do to your baby? Ray…you seriously can’t be doing sh*t like that.”

“I know, I know…” she grabbed her purse and got to her feet. “I knew I shouldn’t have come tonight. I’m going to go.”

“Ray,” Annabelle grabbed her arm as she tried to walk off. “I get this must be hard for you. Without any warning you’ve had to go from having a good time with no worries to having to be responsible. I get it. But you’ve got to stop feeling sorry for yourself. This is happening, whether you like it or not, and you can either make the most of it and get serious about it, or you can sulk and make a mess of it.”

Ray sighed heavily, and pulled Annabelle into a hug. “You’re totally right. I’m making this all about me. It’s just changed everything and I can’t get my head around it. Everything I like about my life is going to be different, and I just don’t know how to deal with it. I’m sorry.”

“Ray, you’ve got to think about the positives here. It could be so much worse! Do you have any idea how many girls get knocked up and have to go through it all on their own? You have a guy who is standing by you all the way through, even pretending to have married you, just to make your life a little easier! Not to mention, do you have any idea how excited he is about this baby? You can see it in his face, but he can’t talk about it in front of you because you’re too busy moping about thinking that your life is over! And your parents are going to be around to help out, and you have me! I can’t wait to meet the little guy or gal! It’s not the end of the world, Ray, I promise.”

She was right. Ray had completely ignored the things that made her lucky. Carter may not love her, but he was willing to take care of her, and be there for the child. That had to count for something. He could easily have run out the door and never spoken to her again. And maybe there was still hope for them. Ray had never believed in love at first sight. Maybe, once the baby was born, and they became a family, there would be a new bond between them? Maybe not, but there was no harm in finding out.

“Thanks, sweetie,” Ray kissed her on the cheek. “You have no idea how much I needed to hear that. I’m still going to head home. I want to make things right with Carter. I’ve been a giant pain in the ass lately.”

Annabelle laughed loudly, “I believe you! Go on, get out of here. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

*****

Ray called Carter on her way home. Annabelle’s words had opened her eyes to how poorly she’d handled everything. She wanted everyone else to pick up the pieces because she wasn’t used to dealing with tough situations on her own. Carter had taken all the crap she’d thrown at him with an unbelievable amount of understanding, and she wanted to make it up to him.

“Ray?” He always answered the phone so quick every time she called. It was like he was always on hand in case she needed something, and didn’t want to risk missing a call in case something had gone wrong.

“Do you want to come over? I’ll get us some dinner.”

“I thought you were out with your friends tonight? Has something happened? Are you okay?” His voice was already rising with concern.

“I’m fine, honestly. I just felt silly being out tonight, and it got me thinking about how great you’ve been about this whole thing and how I haven’t really thanked you for it. I thought maybe we could have a night in, maybe throw some baby names around?”

“I would love that, Ray. I’ll come around straight away. I’ll pick up dinner on my way. I’ll see you soon.”

The sound of his happiness made her heart jump. Her attitude would have changed weeks ago if he’d given the same talk that Annabelle had just given her. But Carter never put his own happiness first. He had let Ray cry on his shoulder and had run around after her like a servant, whilst she hadn’t even given the chance to talk about his own feelings about the baby. For once, she wasn’t going to eat herself alive with guilt, hating herself until she went numb. This time, she was going to make things right, and give Carter the attention he deserved.

By the time Carter arrived at the apartment, Ray had tidied up all the clutter she had left lying around, assuming Carter would have it all sorted the next time he came around. She lit a bunch a candles around the room to make it more homely, and changed into a cute sundress. He hadn’t even seen her dressed in a while. She normally just flung herself around the apartment in her pajamas, her unbrushed hair sticking out haphazardly. It was wrong for her friends to be the only ones who saw her looking her best. She was just glad she realized this now.

“You look beautiful,” he said, double-taking after he glanced in her direction. “Wow, you look different.”

“You mean I don’t look like I just woke up?” she joked.

“No it’s not that. You look…happy. It’s the happiest I’ve seen you in a while. It suits you. You have a beautiful smile.”

She walked over and took the bags out of his hand, placing them on the table. She took his hands in hers. “I am happy, or at least I want to be. I’ve been a nightmare during this whole thing. I’ve only thought about the things I’m losing or having to sacrifice. I want to be more like you. I want to make the most of what’s happening, and everything we can gain from this.”

If his grin were any wider, it would have split his ears. It was a wonderful sight. Ray begrudged not feeling this kind of motivation and happiness for a whole month, but knew focusing on that wasn’t going to change anything. They were bound for life, whether it was in a romantic way or not, and she had a whole lifetime to make it all up to him.

They ate dinner, talking about everything that Ray hadn’t even allowed herself to think about before now. They threw names around, talking about relatives they could name the baby after, combining different potential first and middle names together to see if anything had a nice ring. They talked about who they would want to be godparents.

“It’s got to be Annabelle for godmother,” Ray insisted. “She’s already done more for this baby then we could imagine.”

“Sure, she’s a great choice.” Carter agreed. “I’d really like my brother to be godfather. He’s got kids of his own, so he’ll love his niece or nephew to pieces. You should meet him, you’d like him.”

“I’d love that.” Ray rubbed her belly. She wasn’t showing in the slightest, but she felt firmer than normal. The biggest change in her was psychological. Carter placed his hand over hers on her stomach.

“It’s all starting to feel very real now,” she whispered. “But it’s not as scary as I thought.”

“It’s going to be great, Ray,” he said, his voice low and husky, deep in emotion. “Sure, it’ll be hard, but it’s all going to work out just the way it’s supposed to. Everyone doing this for the first time feels completely out of their depth. It’ll all come naturally to both of us.”