You Make Me Whole

Chapter 6

Ray sank to her knees as the shock stunned her. She stared down at the two pink lines on the test in her hands in disbelief. She couldn’t be pregnant. No, no, no, she thought. This can’t be!

She had continued to feel under the weather for another week before she had the horrible realization that she was also late for her period. It took a lot of courage for her to just go out and buy the test. She only managed to convince herself to go get it by telling herself that it was just to rule out the idea that she could be pregnant. She never actually truly believed there was a chance she could be, she thought she was simply overreacting to the flu.

She cried for a good twenty minutes, picturing her life as she knew it and how every aspect of it would have to change to accommodate a baby. Even when she calmed herself down, she thought of how her next move was to tell Carter, and then her parents, and it only unleashed a fresh wave of tears.

After a couple of hours of sobbing and panicking that left her shivering on the tiles in her bathroom, she finally reached for the phone, and dialed Carter’s number.

“Hi, Ray!” he sounded so happy to hear from her, making her feel all the more guilty for the news she had to give him.

“Carter-“ her voice cracked before she could say anything else. She took a breath to hold off a choked sob, but it wasn’t enough to fool him.

“Ray? What’s wrong? Are you all alright?” he sounded so concerned at her obvious distress, and she hated how everything that would normally warm her heart about him twisted into cold uncertainty and fear.

“Can I come over? You’re scaring me,” he pleaded down the phone when Ray failed to reply a second time. Ray tried to say yes, but it only came out as a short squeak. Luckily, it was enough for Carter to get the message.

“I’m coming now, I’ll be as quick as I can,” he said before hanging the phone up. It was odd for Ray to feel an equal balance of calm and terror at the idea of Carter coming over. She was about to change his life forever, about to bind him to a woman he hardly knew for the rest of his life. She was still a wreck about it herself, how was she supposed to comfort Carter when she broke the news? She really should have waited until she calmed down at least before telling him, that way she could at least break it to him easy, and offer some support. She couldn’t help but admit she wanted him to make it better for her, to hold her and tell her it was going to be all right. She knew deep down that he couldn’t realistically react that way when he’d be dealing with the news himself. Seeing him panic was probably only going to intensify her own feelings about the whole thing once she saw proof in Carter’s reaction that her reaction was justified.

The minutes felt like hours as she waited for him to arrive. She paced nervously around the apartment, although she often had to steady herself on the furniture as her legs felt like jelly. She found herself unable to stop caressing her stomach, unable to believe that there was life forming inside her. The thought made her dizzy. She barely had proof to show that she was any good at looking after herself. She hadn’t even dared to get a goldfish since she lived alone, aware of the strong likeliness that she would forget to feed it and let it die. Now there was going to be a whole other person to watch out for, to make the world a better place for. How the hell was she going to manage that?

She heard his footsteps thunder up the stairs as he ran to her door. He knocked as he entered. Normally it would have made her laugh that even in an urgent situation he wouldn’t forget his manners, but the mere sight of him was too much, and his look of concern made her crumble once again.

“Ray? What is it?” he said softly as he opened his arms, encasing her in his embrace. “You’re scaring the hell out of me.”

“Oh my God, Carter. I don’t know what to do. I’m s-so scared. It’s all such a mess,” she rambled on through her sobs. She noticed him glance up and down her body, expecting to find an injury of some kind. She was going to have to spit it out; he wasn’t going to guess the truth just from her cries for help.

She reached into the pocket of her bathrobe and pulled out the test, placing it carefully, like it was about to explode, into Carter’s hand. He knew what it was the instant he saw it, but he still stared down at it for what felt like an age, as if awaiting further explanation. Ray walked away to give him a chance to dissect the information. She dried her eyes on the sleeves of her robe, and started to plump up the cushions on her couch, determined to distract herself with a pointless task.

She crossed over to the kitchen to take painkillers and poured herself a glass of water. Every sound seemed magnified in the silence that hung heavily between them. The water thundered from the tap, the glass clinked loudly as she set it back down onto the surface. The only thing that didn’t make a sound was Carter.

She patiently waited for him to come back to life once she’d sat back down on the couch. She stared at him, trying to read him, but his expression was blank. He stared into space, and she had no way of predicting what he was thinking. She was sure she could guess. But she didn’t know him enough to read him. She didn’t even know if he liked kids, or ever pictured having them himself. She didn’t know the soon-to-be father of her child.

After an undetermined amount of time, he came and sat next to her on the couch, wrapping one arm around her. As if out of instinct, her head found its place on his shoulder, and she already felt safer.

“Oh, Ray. This must feel so scary for you. Calling me must have been very difficult.” He squeezed her tight and she melted into him just that little bit more. His voice was so steady, as if he’d just had his five-minute freak out and now he was over it. It was like he left his body in the room while his mind went off somewhere and screamed or broke down and got it all out of his system before he returned back to himself.

“What are we going to do, Carter? We barely know each other, we’re not even together-“ She gently pulled away to stop her sobs from soaking his shirt, but he pulled her close once again, stroking her head soothingly.

“It’s not ideal, Ray, I won’t lie to you. But in all honesty, I’ve always thought that everything happens for a reason. Maybe this could be kind of amazing.”

“Carter, we haven’t seen each other in two weeks because we didn’t think we could deal with each other’s differences. How am I supposed to get excited about having a child with you?”

“Well…to be honest, Ray, those differences aren’t really going to exist anymore now you’re pregnant, right? Keeping up with your party lifestyle isn’t exactly going to be a problem.”

Ray snatched herself from his grasp as if he were a red-hot iron. Anger raged through her as she whipped around to look him in the eye.

“That’s why you’re not as freaked out about this as I am!” she said accusingly. “Your life won’t have to change one bit! You’ll just continue going to work like you always do. I’m the one that’s going to have to give everything up. Everything I consider important in my life is what is going to have to be sacrificed!”