You Make Me Whole

It was better to end it now before it got too deep? Should realize they’re just too different and that’d never work without one of them compromising who they were?

*****

The temperature dropped significantly over the next week. Ray could barely stand being outside in the cold handing out flyers. She shivered, even in her various layers of clothing, and she constantly had to switch the hand she used to hand out the flyers so she could bury the other in her pocket to try and keep warm.

She had heard from Carter here and there over the past week, although there was nothing too fruitful from his efforts. His first message was a simple, if not cowardly, text simply saying, “I’m sorry again for how I left. I really did have an amazing night with you, and I hope to see you again.” She didn’t reply to him straight away, she wasn’t even sure how to respond. He said he wanted to see her again, and yet he made no effort to ask her out. What was she supposed to do with that? Did he want her to make the first move? Ray had never been one for mind games or power moves and she didn’t want to get involved if that’s what this was all about. Hours after she received his message, late enough for him to think she’d been out again with her friends, she simply replied, “Don’t worry about it. Hope you’re feeling better.”

The next day he called her, which earned him some points for not being as cowardly, as well picking up that she wasn’t exactly happy with the way that he had left things.

“Ray, I really did have an amazing night with you,” he had said on the phone. “It was the best first date I’d ever had, to be honest.”

“Because I fu*ked you?” she asked defensively.

“No! Jesus, of course not. I really felt like we connected. You’re so different from anyone I’ve ever met. I find you fascinating.”

She was glad at that point that they were on the phone, where Carter wouldn’t be able to so see the childish grin that spread across her face.

“Well, you can’t expect me to have that impression from the way you just left, can you?” she asked coldly, determined not to let him off the hook just for being a smooth talker.

“No, of course not. I just…I really like how different we are…but I don’t see how it could work either. I’m a bit confused.”

Ray had sighed heavily and agreed with him, appreciating his honesty. They decided to leave it for a while so that they could both think about whether they thought it was worth the effort of giving things a go. She at least liked that she could be honest with Carter, and that he wasn’t pressuring her. From that phone call they still occasionally texted each other, and she couldn’t deny the thrill she got every time she saw his name pop up on her phone, despite how much she wished she didn’t.

Right now, she couldn’t even bring herself to think about Carter, she was just trying to make it through her shift. She’d been feeling under the weather for a few days now, no doubt from working outside in the freezing cold. She would shiver from the cold while sweat poured from her forehead, and her appetite had next to disappeared, the idea of food often making her want to vomit. The lack of energy made her sway faintly in the harsh wind. People in the street were more likely to think she was begging rather than handing out flyers from the way she looked.

Halfway through her shift, a guy pushing a hot dog stand passed in front of Ray. She normally saw him, and he offered his usual half-hearted wave as he always did. As the smell of the meat hit Ray’s nose, she quickly felt her insides swirl, and within moments, projectile vomited over the sidewalk. Gasping for air as she heaved, she eventually looked up to see Luke watching her with an expression of disgust.

“I’m sorry, Luke,” she said as the flyers whipped around in the air and down the street as she released them in a panic to hold her hair back.

“Just go home, Ray,” he said tiredly, picking up the scarce amount of leaflets that were still within reach. “Call me when you feel better, or whatever.”

“Let me at least help get your flyers back,” she said as she bent down to start picking them up. The motion gave her sudden head rush, and she grabbed onto a lamppost for support.

“Just leave it. Go home, Ray.”

Unsure, whether she was fired or sent home sick, Ray didn’t even have the energy to care. Her usually quick walk back from work seemed to take forever. She only just got back in time to race to the bathroom and throw up again.