You Make Me Whole

Chapter 5

The next morning, Ray found herself unable to wake up with any ease. Every time she stirred, she felt so heavy and warm, that it only took seconds for her to sink back into sleep. She never really was a morning person, but it was more a case of waking up and lying in bed for as long as possible, where she took the time to contemplate the weirdest of thoughts that circled around her brain. Today was different, the sturdiness of Carter’s body next to her made her relax to the point where she could barely stay conscious. Countless times she stirred, only to fall straight back to sleep.

She eventually woke in the late morning with a sudden alertness. Her suspicions were confirmed when she rolled over to discover that Carter was missing. Her heart sank. Surely he wouldn’t have just left? When her slightly blurred vision started to settle, she caught sight of his clothes still in a pile on the floor, and relaxed a little. It was then that she also heard the unmistakable sounds of someone violently throwing up in the bathroom. Ray groaned in sympathy; too many of her mornings had started in the same way that Carter’s had, although it hadn’t happened for a while. It took a lot of drink these days for Ray to bring it all up the next day. She thought back to the slight blur of last night and remembered several occasions where Carter accepted a shot or had his drink refilled. If he didn’t drink that often, he certainly did one hell of a job keeping up with everyone else.

Ray heard Carter’s stomach heave once again, and was forced to roll herself up tighter in the duvet, burying her head under the pillow. The sound of someone throwing up was like a domino effect, and it was starting to make Ray feel quite ill herself.

After about twenty minutes, she eventually heard Carter’s heavy footsteps stagger out of the bathroom. He found his way to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. Ray cringed as she realized just how many dirty plates she’d left on her kitchen counter. She hated the idea of Carter seeing the mess and neglect of her apartment through daylight and sober eyes.

He found his way back into the bedroom. He was just wearing his boxer shorts, and Ray was glad to see that she wasn’t blinded by the alcohol into thinking he had a great body. She offered him a sleepy smile, and he offered the glass of water, which she sat up to accept. He sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands, grimacing at every slight movement.

“You’re really feeling it, huh?” Ray said pointlessly. She said it more just to break the silence.

“Mm-hmm,” was all that Carter offered back, he didn’t even lift his head from his hands. Ray jumped out of bed, throwing an old t-shirt over herself, suddenly conscious of her naked body. She crossed the room and rooted around in her purse until she found some painkillers.

“Here,” she said holding them out to him. He took them from her and she fetched him the glass of water. She sat beside him as he took the medicine.

“Thanks,” he eventually managed to say.

“You can tell you don’t do this a lot,” Ray joked. “And you really put it away last night!”

Carter didn’t reply, continuing to hold his head in his hand, moving only to take the occasional sip from the glass of water.

“Why don’t I run out and get us some breakfast?” Ray offered. “Some food will sort you out in no time.” Carter groaned in response, clearly indicating the very idea of food made him feel ill.

“I’m good, I better get going.” Ray’s heart dropped.

“You don’t have to leave just because you’re ill. I’m off work today…stay here as long as you like, really.”

He finally managed to pull his head away from his hand and looked at Ray, squinting in the daylight peeping through the blinds.

“Thanks Ray, but I still better pop into the office. I forgot about a deadline I have coming up, so it was stupid of me to say I could take the rest of the day off. I’m going to head home and get showered and changed.”

Without waiting for her reply, he got up and started to get dressed. She watched him from the edge of the bed, swinging her legs like a child with the sense that they were in trouble for something. Why did it feel so different? Was it just because he was ill that he was being so distant? Or did he regret last night for happening at all? She wanted to ask, but her pride told her to let him leave thinking she didn’t care either way. She wasn’t going to ask if she was going to see him again. She would wait for his call. She had never been the needy one in a relationship, and she wasn’t going to start now just because Carter won her over last night.

He finished getting dressed and she saw him to the door. He turned back as he stepped outside, as if suddenly remembering what happened between them the previous night.

“I’m sorry I’m such a mess,” he said kissing her forehead. “I’m not sure I’m cut out for the party life. It was really lovely to meet you, Ray.” With that, he turned and started heading down the stairs. Ray wasn’t sure what to make of his parting words to her. There was something very final about what he said. Was that him saying he wasn’t cut out for her?

She returned to bed, and after pondering over and over what he had said, decided not to waste any more time over it. Everyone is a pain in the ass when they’re ill. He seemed crazy about her last night, and certainly didn’t seem like the kind of guy that would just play a girl to get into bed with her. It couldn’t have been all an act; there’s no way he could have kept it up after how drunk he got. Ray was sure he was just stressed about work and hungover. But whether he still liked her, she couldn’t help but wonder if maybe he wasn’t as perfect for her as he seemed in a drunken haze. He clearly couldn’t keep up with her party lifestyle, and last night was just a normal weekday for her and her friends.

How were they supposed to see each other if he had to make sure he got to work refreshed and alert? Maybe he would keep up with it for a while, but slowly start to try and wean Ray away from her friends. It had happened time and time again with guys that Ray had been seeing. They would get tired of sharing her attention, and convince her to skip the odd party here and there in exchange for a night in. It was fine at first; a couple of nights in wasn’t too much to ask for, in Ray’s opinion. But slowly enough to be almost unnoticeable, the nights in became more and more frequent, and Ray began to neglect her friends without even realizing.

It was exactly what happened between her and Doug, and it was easily the worst break up she’d ever had. He was perfect in every other sense, but he couldn’t handle Ray being out all the time, especially with male friends getting drunk with her most nights of the week. She worried about the same thing happening with Carter. He would stop coming out with her friends as often because he had to work the next day, and if he expected Ray to stay in with him every time, he was going to be sorely mistaken.