When Love’s In Fashion

Sven laughed, “I already know you’re a crazy bi*ch, it’s one of my favorite things about you,” he said. “I wish you’d said something. I only went with her because you flounced out of the party and abandoned me.”

Meanwhile, Elmira beamed with silent laughter.

“Eat your muffin.” Elmira said.

Sven pinched off a piece of his bagel and flicked it at her. After a moment, he stressed, “I wasn’t drunk by the way.”

The laugh that left Elmira’s lips was light and good-natured. It was the Elmira Olivette equivalent to ‘You’re not telling me anything I don’t know.’

*****

They dawdled after breakfast, not really feeling like parting ways yet.

But Elmira was heading back to her hotel and Sven was heading home and then to work. She had to meet with Sascha and probably her socialite so they could go to the show.

She took a breath to ask Sven if they would meet later for an after party or drinks or whatever. S*x.

But then she breathed out again without saying a word.

“What?” Sven asked, noticing.

Damn it.

Elmira hesitated but didn’t say anything, just shook her head.

“Olivette,” Sven said his voice at its graveliest, “you’re coming with me.”

“Eep,” said Elmira.

Except then, he took her to the zoo.

Which wasn’t so bad.

At first, she thought that maybe it was some elaborate joke. But it stayed totally cool, and she didn’t get licked by any giraffes, and right around the time Sven bought her a backpack shaped like a lemur she decided that maybe this was just a legit attempt at relaxation and quality time. She was cool with that.

Maybe a bear would eat her and she would never have to go back to work.

They strolled around for a couple of hours, and after awhile, they start playing the ‘Which Animal Would You Want To Be?’ game.

For herself, she thought about choosing something slinky and s*xy, like a jungle cat, or a … zebra. But this was Sven she was talking to here, so she decided not to bother. Instead, she picked a gorilla. Those dudes had it made – they just sat there and ate and got huge, and instead of being frowned upon or dateless or told by Sascha that they seriously need to work out their priorities in life if they ever want to snag a man even half as good as Matthew McConaughey, they just get hailed as being magnificent.

That right there, was the life.

Then she turned the question back around on Sven. She was expecting his answer to be lion, or Tyrannosaurus Rex, or something, so she was pretty surprised when what she gets was:

“Penguin.”

“A penguin? Seriously?”

She couldn’t hold back a little laugh.

It was just – penguins were so cuddly.

And sort of girly.

Sven raised his eyebrows at her.

“You think that’s funny?”

She fought her smile off of her face.

Serious business, this penguin-being.

Right.

“No. No. Not at all. I’m just … surprised.”

“Really? Why would you be?”

“I was thinking you’d go for, I dunno, dinosaur.”

“Why would I want to be impractically huge and extinct?”

“And awesome.”

He didn’t even dignify that with a response. Clearly somebody hadn’t watched Jurassic Park – or The Land Before Time- enough.

“Penguins have it made, Olivette. Maybe better than any of us. Their natural markings result in instant elegance. An eternity of tuxedo-esque splendor. They may be birds, but that doesn’t mean that they succumb to the ridiculous preconception that they have to fly just because of it. They waddle. They congregate. They – do their own thing. They’re nature’s best dancers. They frolic, untouched by the arctic cold, and put their own spin on the fine musical stylings of everyone; from Prince to Stevie Wonder to Sinatra. A man who wouldn’t enjoy the life of a penguin is a man who will never garner my respect, no matter how hard he may try.”

Elmira stared at him. “How many times did you see Happy Feet?”

He was so pokerfaced, Lady Gaga should write a song about it.

“What’s Happy Feet?”

Ehh, fine, she would let him have this one.

“Never mind.”

He stared with uncharacteristic contentment down at the penguins. They did look pretty frolicsome. After a few seconds, he hummed a few bars of something that sounded a whole lot like ‘Somebody to Love.’ Amazingly – improbably – one of the penguins looked up at him, almost like … like it was reminiscing over the good ol’ nonexistent days when it used to get its penguiny groove on and have its voice provided by Hugh Jackman.

Sven chuckled gleefully.

She couldn’t help thinking this was maybe the most touching human-animal interaction she had witnessed since she watched that video on YouTube of those two guys in the 70s going to Africa to reunite with their pet lion. And this time, ’Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing’ wasn’t even here to manipulate her emotions.

Flippin’ Aerosmith.

She reached over and patted Sven on the shoulder.

“Careful now, Olivette,” he said. “I don’t want to sustain any injuries from your gargantuan ape paws.”

“Oh, shut up, penguin licker,” she said fondly.

*****

Sascha Rowan was not ashamed to admit that she knew nothing about fashion. It wasn’t her thing. Mathematics and fu*king, sure she could talk about those all day. But fashion? She knew just enough to get herself decked out in the right duds every morning.

Which made her life a little awkward, considering her best friend lived for this stuff and had successfully found a job as a high-profile blogger for fashion week. Elmira wanted to talk about clothes and make up the whole time and Sascha wanted to talk about the models wearing them.

Elmira was walking in one of the fashion shows as some sort of publicity stunt for the designer; using ‘plus sized’ chicks in her shows would make her more ‘relatable’ or some sh*t. Elmira desperately needed her friend to attend, so how could Sascha refuse her? She would do almost anything to keep her best friend happy.

They even went shopping for a new ‘fit for her to wear which Elmira was ecstatic about.

“What kind of fashion is it anyway?” Sascha asked her during their short car journey to the location. She really didn’t want to have to watch her best friend parade around in something that might make her look stupid, so she hoped it was at least legit.

“The main designer is Atalia Tirtzah, she’s an absolute genius!” Sascha raised her eyebrows and gave her best friend a pointed look, “No she really is! Her whole new collection is inspired by her dog,”

“What,” Sascha deadpanned.

“It’s great Sascha! Seriously, you’re going to like it,” Sascha really wasn’t convinced, but sighed internally and resigned herself to what was probably going to be a night of awful craziness. And her choker was already feeling uncomfortable around her neck. She tugged on it as they got out of the car until Elmira batted her hands away and told her to stop fidgeting with it.

“Okay best friend! I have to go in the back way but here’s your ticket!” She handed it to her excitedly, “You can get a drink and find your seat, it should be at the front,”

“Thanks Elly,” She gave her a hug and wished her luck for the show and they parted ways.

As Sascha flashed her ticket at the door and entered the warehouse she immediately felt on edge and out of place. She wasn’t used to being in these spaces on her own. And her socialite had bailed; she had a party on some yacht to attend. The money was too good to pass up she said. Sascha sighed inwardly. The endless pursuit of money bored her to tears. And it wasn’t because she’d grown up in the 1%, or maybe it was. She had seen firsthand what money could turn people into. She was determined that that would not be her.

She followed Elmira’s advice and made a beeline for the bar, maybe it would all be a little more bearable if alcohol was involved. Alcohol always made things better, right? Glancing around she saw that a majority of the guests in attendance were holding fancy looking drinks rather than something simple so she ordered herself a glass of champagne because why the hell not?

Taking a sip of her drink, she began to make her way toward the staging area. She didn’t know anyone there to talk to so there was no reason for her to stand around alone looking like an idiot. At least if she sat down people would be less likely to notice her.