What The Heart Wants

Paula hung up the phone and drove home. She was furious with him that he would accuse her of such a thing. Yet, as she sat back and thought about it, she had slept with him the day after they met. The possibility of violence and peril shot their relationship into overdrive within a matter of hours. They had survived a dangerous situation together making her more susceptible to emotions related to love. He didn’t know her which is why he could accuse her of being a wh*re. Her behavior to this point hasn’t proved him wrong to think so.

Paula cried to herself, alone in her apartment, for hours. She called out of work, refusing to leave the comfort of her couch. Just as fast as their relationship peaked, it had come crashing down over her like a tidal wave. That’s what she got for not listening to Rebecca when she told her not to let her vulnerability suck her into this case. She yearned for the touch of a man so badly, she ignored basic instincts of getting to know someone before sleeping with them. This wasn’t her. This wasn’t how she behaved.

Days turned into weeks as Paula pulled herself together. She refrained from long conversations with Jackson over the phone and even got to a point where she restricted their communications to emails only. He showed up for his court date, and she got him the deal she’d told him about. He wanted to take her out to celebrate, but he opted to serve his thirty days right away.

It was hard for Jackson knowing that the woman who got him the light sentence wanted nothing more to do with him, but she’d been less than innocent in her dealings with him. He had an entire month to himself thinking about how he could make things right. There was no reason for him to be so upset with her. They were just getting to know each other and like she said, they hadn’t agreed to be in a relationship so he couldn’t be mad. He kicked himself every day for letting Paula believe he felt so disgusted by what he thought she did to get him his deal.

July 6^th was the day of Jackson’s release from county lockup. The sun never shone so brightly. The wind never felt so good against his skin. His first stop was to his safe house where he could shower and change. The next stop was to Clementine & Percy Legal Associates.

With candy and flowers in hand, Jackson stood in the doorway to Rebecca and Paula’s office. Rebecca rolled her eyes and left without saying anything to either of them. She still couldn’t stand Jackson knowing what he put Paula through.

“I guess she still doesn’t like me, huh?” he chuckled nervously entering the room.

“I guess not,” Paula replied with a stoic expression. She showed no sign of hate, love, or otherwise to Jackson as he sat down in front of her desk.

“I just wanted to bring you these as a token of my gratitude,” he began his apology. “I said and insinuated a lot of nasty things that you didn’t deserve to have dumped all over you. I apologize for that, Paula. We could have had something good, but I let my ego get in the way. My logic prevailed while I was in lockup, though. I had a lot of time to think while I was in there. We weren’t even in a relationship that garnered that kind of reaction from me and I’m sorry for that. I jumped to conclusions and accused you of things I kind of felt you didn’t do and wouldn’t do. The truth of the matter is I wasn’t ready to give up my life as it was, and when you had come through so quickly with your end of our deal, I panicked. I didn’t know what to do so I sabotaged it. I never meant to hurt you.”

Paula breathed it all in deeply. She refused to let the tears welling up in her eyes fall in front of him. She took the candy and flowers with a half-smile. “You made me feel like sh*t,” she said after a while.

“I get that and if you can’t forgive me, or don’t want to, I completely understand,” he rambled.

Paula simply stared at the man who made her toes curl and lit a fire in her belly to pursue her dreams. He was deeply passionate about certain things. It was rare for her to see a man so in tune with his emotional shortcomings. It was almost refreshing, but she wasn’t ready to go through that steep fall again if he decided to accuse of her God knows what else.

“I accept your apology, Jackson. I’m happy that I could help you. Even though we’re not together how I thought we would be, I truly hope you keep your end of the deal to give up stealing cars for something legit. Don’t make all my negotiating for nothing,” she chuckled.

Jackson nodded silently. He wanted to be okay with this ending but he wanted to feel her. He wanted to taste her. He couldn’t just let this be the end of them.

“You know what?” he exclaimed as he got up to leave.

“What?” Paula giggled.

“I’m going to go get my hair cut and how about I come back around six to treat you to dinner? It will be on me and at the diner you like so much,” Jackson offered with a smile.

It was a smile that Paula didn’t want to say no to. “That sounds nice. We can go over some of your plans now that you’re out and maybe even talk about building a friendship.”

Jackson was happy with that as he practically skipped out of Paula’s office. There was no telling where dinner would take them, but Paula was just as excited as he was to find out. The night was everything they’d hoped for and more.