Throw Him My Way

She was being accepted as part of the family.

She understood how momentous that was, and she appreciated it. Strangely enough, she didn’t find it intimidating.

Usually, she ran a mile at even a hint of commitment.

Sometimes, she wondered what Christian would think of it all when he woke up.

She didn’t think of it as ‘if’ he woke up, anymore. She thought of it as ‘when’.

He would wake up, and boy, wouldn’t he be mortified.

“One song, and then you go on and get your stuff done. I’ll be here for the hour. You can come back for the evening visiting hour.”

They nodded, and waited, eagerly.

With a grin, Heidi sang.

It was routine, now. She had discovered that she could try out her originals on them.

Even Mrs. Spinelli approved.

Apparently, Heidi’s performances had gotten more polished because of it. Heidi thought Mrs. Spinelli was just glad that Heidi was finally showing an interest in something in life other than her musical career.

But her career didn’t seem to be going anywhere. She was still doing her open mics, and her sets at Barney’s, but Dale hadn’t gotten in touch with her since that night.

Heidi had tried calling him.

But she had gotten nothing.

So she put that aside and out of her mind, and she sang for the people of whom she was getting very fond of, indeed.

She was smothered with hugs and kisses as they left.

Gina’s brave mask slipped for a moment when she hugged Heidi tight.

“It’s been over a week now. Sing for him, Heidi. Sing for him, will you? I know he’ll hear it if you sing. Sing all your songs.”

Heidi nodded, blinking back tears, and settled down.

“Now, my days are going on as usual. Bobby is getting a bit depressed about everything. I introduced him to Zoe today, that seemed to cheer him up a bit. Now when Zoe dumps him – and she will, because she dumps everybody, for somebody who is so into wellness of all sorts, the woman has got some kind of commitment issues – Bobby will be even more depressed. But that, I think, is a problem for another day, so I can think about it later. I got a few more views on YouTube, and a handful of subscribers. You know, if I change my channel to originals only, I’ll get advertising on it. That would come in handy. It was so sweet of you to put me in touch with Dale, but he hasn’t really come through since then.”

Heidi trailed off and looked at him.

No response at all.

Still a better listener than most men she’d known, decided Heidi.

“I’ve been writing a few songs, too. They’re pretty sad. Not in the not very good kind of way – in the mournful kind of way. I think that’s got something to do with you. A girl can’t be very happy and upbeat when the guy she likes is like this. You could buck up and wake up. Do me a solid.”

She waited.

Absolutely nothing, again.

“Anyway, I’m pretty happy with a couple of the songs, still. I couldn’t do an entire album with such mournful ones, but they’d be good to slow things down a bit. I already had a few upbeat ones. But Mrs. Spinelli says that sad music suits me now. I don’t think she understands what the world wants, thought. I’ll have to play with a mixer. I’ve never done that before. But I think there’s always time to learn new skills, don’t you?”

Nothing.

Of course, there was nothing.

But she went on, and on.

She told him about everything Apple did, and how Juno’s joints seemed to hurt more. She told him about how Bobby should give up on his ballet dream and really work with dogs, because he understood them better than he would ever understand Swan Lake.

She sang to him. She sang everything she could think of.

But there was not response, of any sort, from him.

Sometimes, she thought that the air in the room changed a bit, when she sang one of her own tunes.

But she told herself that it was her imagination.

The next day, she brought her guitar, much to his family’s joy.

When she was alone with him, she finally told him about her own family.

“I don’t really remember my family. Sometimes, I get vague memories of being held, and loved. But I can’t remember. I was told that my parents were both orphans, and that they died in a car crash. So I went into foster care. Boy, that isn’t fun, not at all. You know, you’re so lucky to have a family like you do. They would be such a wonderful foster family. I did have one really nice foster family, though. Stacy was the one who got me my first guitar. God, it was a beat up old thing, but I managed to squeeze a few tunes out of it, and Stacy showed me how to do more with it. I had to leave it behind, though. There was some legal bullsh*t and Stacy couldn’t foster anymore. I tried to keep in touch with her, but, well, it’s hard, when you’re being bounced around all over the place like that.”

She fell silent for a long moment.

“I didn’t mean to go on about myself like that. Do you know, those are things I haven’t told anybody at all? No, that’s not true. I told Mrs. Spinelli. She’s what I always imagined a cool aunt would be like. I know you like to complain about your aunts, but let me tell you, they all fit into the cool aunt category. They all like me better than Peggy, by the way. When they heard about Nickelback, they were all quite shocked, too.”

Heidi took a moment to feel good about that.

Why not?

Then she sighed.

“You are so loved, Christian. You have so much to hold on for. There are so many people here who will never give up on you. They come here every day, and they’re cheerful, for you. They try to stay happy, for you. They push all their fears aside, for you. Because they will not allow the slightest hint of negativity to touch you. They all believe in you, Christian. And so do I. You’re a hero. When you wake up, we’ll all make you feel like one. I sure as hell will.”

She took his hand and kissed it, softly, hoping, praying for something.

But there was nothing, and she laid her cheek against his hand, and let herself be at peace, by his side.

He would come back to them when he was ready.

He would.

So she sang, until she felt like her heart would break from it.

*****

“Say that again.”

Heidi sat up straighter, wondering if she’d heard it right.

For two months, she hadn’t heard from Dale at all. She’d given up, really, and stopped trying to call him.

Contacts and connections were no good to you if they got sick of you.

Besides, her life was pretty full. She had finally convinced Bobby to give working with dogs a real try, and he had taken to it. So they had started taking on more clients, together, with Bobby learning from her, and they were doing some good work.

It was decent money, but it also helped them both heal. They both had a lot of healing to do.

There was even a part of Heidi that was considering turning it into a real business. She had a social media campaign with a couple of catchy jingles already in mind.

She was going to be a singer, of course, but she could eventually be a sleeping partner in a pet hotel business.

There was no reason why she shouldn’t dream big in more than one way.