Thrax

By the time I got to Academy, I was already interested in sphereball and old enough to start playing.  When I went to college, I was recruited out of there.  It was always about me just being a very physical person.”

After a gulp of wine, Thrax agreed, “Yes…physical.  You are very…physical.”

Watching him with a glint in her eye, Agena asked, “That is a compliment, right?”

Gazing at her over the rim of his wine glass, Thrax replied, “Very much so.”

Agena continued, “I’ve played sphereball my whole adult life.  It’s what’s given me a life, really; a life that I wanted, a career.  I’ve traveled most of human space, met all kinds of people — different kinds of men…”

“Including some like me.”

“Yes.  It doesn’t bother you that I’ve been with other Lacertan Knights, does it?”

“‘Bother?’  As in jealousy?  There’s no reason it should.  I’m only curious.”

“About what?”

“About the different kinds of lovers you’ve had—and whether we are your favorite.  You have been to bed with human athletes as well…”

Agena blinked a bit at the turn that the conversation was now taking.  What was he at with this?  Was he trying to find out what kinds of memories he would be competing with when they lay together?  She did not believe she would actually have to assuage any insecurity in a man as strong and confident as this, but she could not help but wonder where this was all going.  She replied, “Yes.  Yes, I have.  And I don’t know if I’d say Lacertan Knights are my ‘favorites.’  Just that they were all…really, really good.  Really good.  Are you sure this isn’t awkward for you?  I don’t want it to be awkward or uncomfortable…”

Thrax answered frankly, “There may be reasons to be awkward or uncomfortable, but your past is not among them.”

“What other reasons would there be, then?”

With another swallow of wine, Thrax went on.  “Allow me to ask you another thing.  No, not just one other thing — some other things.  Why did you decide to pursue relations with a Lacertan male to have a child?  And why is this a future that you want?”

Agena understood now.  Further explanations were in order, and it was a natural question after all.  She said, “My career playing sphereball won’t go on forever; I know that.  I can stay in top shape even getting older, and I don’t have to stop playing.  But there’s always a demand for new, younger players, and as you get older, you’re not forced into retirement, but you start playing lower leagues, going down toward the minor league, and there’s less attention paid to you with the younger players coming up. 

I didn’t want to fade away; I wanted to walk away.  And that meant I had to decide on something else to do with my life once I stopped playing.  That was when I thought I’d like to have a child, to be a mother.  And I wanted a child with the best man I could find.  If I’m honest, I guess in some ways I can be a bit of vain, proud person.  I’ve always wanted the best of everything and always looked for it.  And usually gotten it.

 Thrax, I’m sorry if that makes me sound like I think you’re some kind of trophy, or something else I’ve won.  I don’t want you to think of it that way…”

Thrax nodded no.  “That does not offend me either.  As a Knight, I take greater offense at settling for mediocrity than at reaching for excellence.  We are not trained to settle, either.  We are taught that excellence exists; it is in us, and it is our duty to bring it out.  We are trained to be the best and to seek the best.  The Knighthood is not for the unambitious.”

With a little exhale, Agena said, “I’m glad you understand.”

He continued, “That part I understand.  The part that makes me curious is this choice, this exact choice, to become a mother with a man of my type.  It is a big galaxy, filled with choices and possibilities.  You could have done anything, become anything.  If you no longer wanted to play sphereball you could have become a trainer of those new, young players coming in behind you and taught them to be as great as you.

 You could have entered a different sport.  Or you could have become an explorer, discovering or studying new worlds, perhaps as a member of the Colonial Expeditions.  There are so many other things.  Why this?”

Agena hoped she did not sound as anxious as she now felt.  She was suddenly not liking the tenor of this conversation very much.  “All those things are wonderful, Thrax.  I agree.  But having a child…  I guess, once I had what I wanted most in life and I knew it wasn’t going to be forever, I started to think about what else I’d want.  And that was when… 

Maybe you’d call it something waking up inside of me, something that had been asleep all this time, or something that was there all along that I didn’t know about.  I just realized one day that someday I’d like to have some other part of me, not something that I won, but something that I’d made, or created; another life that I could care for and teach and play with and help, that might go out and do something good in the world the way I’ve tried to do.

 Or maybe even do something better than I’ve ever done.  The love you put into a child goes out beyond you, to everyone and everything the child touches.  It’s something I want, Thrax.  And I guess I wanted to make that little life with a man who was already something more than I am.”

Thrax now wore the most serious expression she had yet seen on him.  “You see me and my kind as something more than human?”