This Was Meant To Be

Carl, that foolish man, had lost the most precious woman in the entire world because he was too selfish to see what he had.

Harrison finally had his chance. He felt guilty for thinking that at the moment when Leigh was unhappy, but he couldn’t help it. He had waited for so long, and he had never expected this to happen.

He had always assumed, like most people, that Carl and Leigh would end up together.

But fate had intervened, and everything had changed.

The question was, what was he going to do about it?

*****

“Thanks, Harrison. You made that entire thing bearable,” said Leigh, with a smile, as they drove up to her place.

Her and Carl’s place, Harrison still tried to remind himself. He shouldn’t get ahead of himself.

But spending more time with Leigh would be a guaranteed way to not be bored anymore. Leigh was never boring.

“My pleasure, Leigh. Call me if you need anything at all. Promise me you will. I know you’re independent and stubborn and I wouldn’t want you to be any other way. But if you need anything, reaching out for it isn’t a weakness. Remember that, will you? At least until Emily gets back.”

Leigh smiled and cupped his face with her hands.

She knew he meant it, and she knew he was right. She didn’t need to pretend to be anything she was not, not with Harrison.

He always understood.

“I know. I will. Thank you, Harrison.”

It felt like a moment to Harrison, but he didn’t see anything other than affection in Leigh’s eyes. He was tempted to turn his face into her hand and kiss the palm of it, but he knew he couldn’t.

He couldn’t have prepared for the insistence of that impulse, though. It was a real, physical effort not to do it.

“Good night, Leigh,” murmured Harrison.

Leigh smiled, nodded, and turned to open the car door and leave.

She paused and turned back to look at him over her shoulder after opening the door.

“I’m really glad you were there, Harrison. Don’t wait for us to run into each other again. I missed you.”

And with that, she was gone, leaving Harrison a churning mess of questions and feelings he wasn’t supposed to have.

*****

Leigh walked up the stairs, and her resolve hardened with every step. She could feel that lightness she had found with Harrison, even while talking about such heart-wrenching things, leaving her. Her heart got heavier and heavier as she got closer and closer to the place she had assumed was really home.

It had been home. For a long time, it really had been home.

But it wasn’t any longer. A place you avoided, where you dreaded spending time, couldn’t be home.

She hesitated in front of the door. She knew what she had to do. But she had no idea how to do it.

How do you tell the man you’d assumed you’d spend the rest of your life with that it’s over?

But what choice did she have? She didn’t want to spend the rest of her life with somebody who couldn’t understand her reasons or her priorities. She suddenly realized that she didn’t even want to spend another night with him.

Resolutely, she slid her key into the lock, turned, and opened the door.

By the dim light of the lamp she had always loved, she saw that Carl was sleeping on the couch beside it. Not only was he asleep, the remains of his dinner were strewn all over the table and the rug.

She felt annoyance and irritation rising. She walked to the kitchen and saw that it was just as much a mess as everything else.

Why was she the one who did most of the chores? She suddenly resented him for how much he had taken her for granted, without giving her much in return.

She was beginning to see that it was a very unequal relationship.

But waking him up for a fight seemed silly. At least she would have the bedroom to herself if he was asleep on the couch.

And there was no way she was going to clean up after him this time. He could deal with it himself.

She walked to the bedroom and undressed, slipped into her favorite, comfortable, rather tattered robe. She needed a hot shower to help her sleep, or her mind would keep going around and around in circles, keeping her up.

By the time she’d dried herself, she felt better – more relaxed, a bit calmer.

But when she came back to the bedroom, Carl was sitting there, that petulant look on his face.

“You’re home,” said Carl, and there was resentment in his voice.

“Yes,” she said, shortly.

She looked out the door and towards the living room, and saw that none of the mess had been cleared up. Apparently he had ordered pizza and there were a couple of slices left. He’d had half a packet of wafers, which was open and spilling out onto the coffee table.

The beer bottles – three, she saw – were also strewn around.

“Where were you for so long?”

Leigh shrugged.

“I told you, there was a benefit. An event. I had to be there.”

“Did you have to stay so long?”

She looked at him sharply.

“Why not?”

“You have time to go for benefits, but you can’t take a year off to come traveling with me. To make our dreams come true.”

Leigh was astonished at the selfishness evident in his words. She was no longer very sure that it had ever been their dream. Maybe it had always been his dream, and she had just wanted to make him happy, as she always had.

But had he ever really cared about her dreams? Leigh was beginning to wonder. This was the first time their plans had really clashed. Until then, she had always made her plans keeping what was important to him in mind.

But he had never really done that for her, had he? He had always made his plans under the assumption that she would fall in line.

Because of course she would.

“We’ve been through and over and under this a million times, Carl. I can’t take a year off. I’ve offered compromises, but you want what you want, and you won’t give an inch. I can’t take a year off because it would set me back many years. I could go to the benefit because it was just one evening, and it was for work. To be completely frank, Carl, it was a chance to get away from this bickering. I’m at a point where I’ll take any such chance because it’s draining me completely.”

Her words weren’t angry. They were flat, almost monotone. It was as if all the passion had drained out of her, and she felt empty.

She didn’t like the person she was becoming. If Carl cared, he would see that.

“You’re being very selfish, Leigh.”

That, she thought, was the last straw. She felt as if something clicked inside her brain, and she just realized how one-sided that relationship had become.

It hadn’t always been like that. At least, she hoped it hadn’t. If she had given him such unrealistic expectations that he expected her to give up so many opportunities for his dream, then that was her fault. She had given an inch far too many times and he had become quite entitled to taking a mile.

Well, it was going to stop now. He could either deal with it and they could find a new and more realistic understanding, or they could both move on.

Because it was obvious to her, now, finally, that things couldn’t go on like this.

“No, Carl. I’m being honest, and I’m being realistic. I cannot do this. You either need to accept that and stop fighting, or come up with a compromise that we can talk about. If we keep having this fight over and over again, I’m leaving.”

And that, thought Leigh, was that.