This Was Meant To Be

Chapter 4

“What do you mean, you’re leaving?”

Carl really looked like she had said something he simply couldn’t comprehend. If she hadn’t been so exhausted, it might even have been funny.

It dawned on Leigh that he had never even considered that she would say that. He’d taken her for granted for so long that he’d assumed he’d just need to wear her down, and he could have his way as usual.

Well, wasn’t that a sad reflection on their relationship, thought Leigh sadly. She sat down next to him, hoping against hope that maybe they could work it out and start anew, have a more equal relationship.

But somewhere deep inside her, she knew that that was just foolish hope. That wouldn’t happen.

Still, she had to try. She had given him years. How could she give up without trying one last time?

“Carl, surely you can see that this is affecting me? It’s affecting our relationship, and me individually. I’ve offered whatever compromise I could think of, but nothing seems to be enough. You want what you want, and that’s it. I can’t give you what you want, Carl. There’s no point asking me, haranguing me over and over again like this. It’s exhausting me. It’s driving me away, both from home and from you. I came home today, tired, and I saw the living room and kitchen in that state, with you seemingly oblivious of it. I was already annoyed about that. But I just wanted to take a shower and get some sleep. And yet, here you are, ignoring how I feel, going on about this again. It didn’t even occur to you to clean up after yourself, you’re so sure I’d do it. It doesn’t even occur to you that I might leave if you make me unhappy enough.”

Carl looked shocked, still, but now she saw the stubborn belligerence, too.

“You don’t care about our plans. We had plans. Now you only care about yours.”

Leigh was so frustrated that she could’ve screamed. She tried to be calm and rational, because how else could you deal with such petulance?

“Carl, I’m beginning to realize that you had plans and I always went along with them. When you’re so excited about something, I go along with it because you’re happy with it. But now that I need something different, you won’t give an inch. You won’t budge, not even a little bit. I can’t give you what you want this time, and these fights are draining me. I can’t keep doing this, Carl. Please, don’t make me keep doing this.”

He changed tack immediately, and this time, Leigh saw the slyness behind it.

“You sound like you really do need a break, you know. Maybe what you need is to take some time off and come with me. We could have fun, Leigh. We’d have so many experiences, do so many things. Meet so many people! Think of how much fun it will be. Imagine it!”

Leigh shook her head, tired.

“I already told you that I can’t do that. What I need a break from are these fights. Honestly, Carl, I’m beginning to think that what I really need a break from is you.”

There. The words were out there, and now she couldn’t take them back.

Later, she knew, she would tremble from the shock of having said it. But now, she was carried on a surge of adrenaline that made her get up and pace.

“What do you mean?”

Carl actually sounded puzzled.

“I mean that I cannot be with you like this. I need you to understand that my needs and my priorities are just as important as yours. I might let go of them and let them slide when I can, but there will be times when I won’t, and I need you to understand that. I’m not keeping you from doing as you please, Carl. I think the best thing to do would be for you to take your year and travel. Have all those wonderful experiences that you want. Maybe we can try to keep in touch. When you come back, we’ll meet and see if we want to go anywhere from there. Until then, we can part ways and wish each other the best.”

Carl still sat there.

Leigh sat down beside him again.

“Carl, I know this is your dream. I’m sorry that I cannot share it with you. But I cannot. I want you to do what you’ve always wanted to do, and I want you to be happy. But a year is a long time. Maybe we’ll both find out more about ourselves, and go different ways. We’ve been together for so long, almost as long as we’ve been adults. We should look at this as a chance to grow, each on our own, and if that’s in different ways, we should both be grateful for it. If it’s not, we will end up back together.”

Carl turned to her, and she saw sadness.

“What if you meet somebody else?”

Leigh smiled.

“Then I meet somebody else. But you’ll still have your dream, Carl. I know how important it is to you.”

Carl wouldn’t let go of that.

“What if I ask you to wait for me?”

Leigh shrugged.

“I don’t know. I won’t close myself off from new experiences, new people, if you go away for a year. We’ll barely keep in touch, Carl. And you’ll meet so many people. I’m sure you’ll meet people you’ll be interested in, and I don’t want to be something that weighs you down, either.”

Carl still looked like he didn’t quite believe what was happening.

“You’re breaking up with me,” said Carl.

Leigh opened her mouth to deny it, and realized that there was no point in that. He was right. She was breaking up with him, and she was becoming surer and surer that it was the right thing to do.

“I guess we’re breaking up with each other, Carl,” said Leigh softly.

Without a word, he got up and went to the living room, grabbing a blanket and a pillow on the way.

She even saw him begin to clean up when she got up to close the door.

Too little too late, thought Leigh, and let some of the bitterness escape her as tears.

When she finally fell asleep, though, she felt the heaviness ease a bit.

She knew that she had done the right thing, in the end.

*****

Leigh woke up the next morning feeling empty. She knew she was alone.

She got up and walked to the door.

“Carl?”

Her voice seemed to echo back to her. She didn’t see him anywhere.

She saw the note on the table – the clean coffee table.

She sat on the couch as if her legs had given way and took the note. She held it in her hands, her fingers trembling just a bit.