The Surrogate

Chapter 9

Esther felt strange the next morning as she woke up in the chair. Part of her did not want to face Archie. The over part could not wait to see him again. The proposition he had given last night echoed in her thoughts, but a nagging feeling of something else made it drift to the back of her mind as she slowly descended the stairs in one of her newly gifted sweaters and a pair of leggings. Her feet were still a bit tired from the day before, so Esther wore her fluffy orthopedic slippers that reminded her of bunny feet.

She could hear conversation coming from the kitchen. Sure enough, Roberta, Grace, and Archie all were there. Roberta worked at the counter as Grace and Archie ate their breakfasts side by side at the corner table. Archie looked up from the newspaper he was reading, and gave her a knowing look before continuing eating and reading over the opinions section of the publication. As much as Esther wanted to say something to him, her eyes began to notice commonalities between Archibald and her daughter.

Both had their coffee the same. Both ate their cereal the same. They even wiggled their heads as they chewed and thought to themselves. Neither Grace nor Archie seemed to notice the similarity, but it was blaring to Esther. Her gawking became quickly interrupted by Roberta, who stood at the oven pulling out a pan.

“Good Morning! You would like a chocolate chip muffin, Esther dear?” Roberta called out smiling.

“Uh, yes, thank you,” Esther mumbled as she walked over to Roberta, but never let her attention shy away from the pair sitting at the breakfast nook.

“You just missed your father. He gave you his best and hopes to hear from you this week on the phone. Also, it seems my train has been delayed until Sunday evening. I hope that is not inconvenient to you, Esther.”

Archie piped up saying, “Well, you’re more than welcome to stay here if you need to. I know Esther’s place in Brooklyn would be a bit tight with three ladies. You could have the run of the house while I am gone.”

“Gone?” Esther asked, feeling a tinge of sadness at that particular news.

“Apparently, my cousin had twins yesterday. I’m heading down to Pennsylvania to meet these babies. I would not if the she did not insist that I am going to be their godfather. I don’t know why though. I’m not very good of a Catholic, and I’m especially not good enough to be another’s mentor in religion.”

Esther thought about being in this big home without Archie anywhere in it. It seemed lonely and sad. She began to hate the thought.

“Actually.” Grace interrupted the conversation. “My friend Rachel texted me this morning. A few of my old friends are heading upstate to go snow tubing and skiing. She wanted to know if I could come along.”

“When would you be leaving?” Esther inquired.

“This afternoon. I could get back for my flight on Sunday, but I might not see you after that.”

“But you want to go?” Esther raised her eyebrows, trying to hide the sadness of losing time with her daughter.

“Please?”

Esther hated to say goodbye to her, but finally gave in with an, “All right”.

Grace bounced up, her usual upbeat self. She ran over and hugged her mother before darting upstairs to get ready and pack. Archie smiled at the burst of energy, and kept smiling as Esther took her daughter’s seat beside him at the table with her large chocolate chip muffin on a tiny china plate in hand.

They talked politely as Roberta ate her breakfast with them. They talked about Roberta heading down to Maryland for New Year’s Eve to be with her oldest son and his family. She had not seen their new baby yet, and was excited to meet her youngest grandchild. Still in Esther’s mind the breakfast felt stiff like some Victorian-era play. Every feeling inside herself was repressed until Roberta left them alone in the bright kitchen.

Archibald and Esther did not talk or look at each other for a long moment. Esther was the first to break the silence. She let her apology spill out of her in a rush to let the awkward feeling being extinguished.

“Archie, I’m sorry for last night. I feel like I ruined things. It was all fun and games, but when things got more serious it felt like I just couldn’t. I mean, part of me wanted to say yes, but that’s the young and stupid part of me. I have people to think about now besides myself, and being impulsive to that extent is something I am not up for right now. I just don’t want it to change us because I like where we are, and I like being here with you like this. I just…” She huffed. “I don’t want to mess us up.”

“No, I’m sorry for my behavior. I was excited by the wine and the good feelings from the holiday. I let it get to my head, and I put you in an awkward position. I should never have done that.”

Always so gallant with her, Archie took the blame with a smile and quick brace of her hand. He got up, and left her to go shower. Sitting there, part of her conscience was a peace, but other parts were not. Thoughts of Grace and Archie intermingled with emotions about her personal past. Things she never considered began to bother her, but left themselves just out of reach.

They nagged her incessantly for the rest of the day. It was like she was searching for an answer to a complicated riddle. Esther felt bothered as she packed, said goodbye to Grace, stopped off at the market with Roberta, and sitting there in her apartment trying to read a book on her couch as Roberta warmed the whole place with the smell of her award-winning chili. Bundled up under blankets, she stared at the page of words, but it could have been totally blank. Esther was not paying attention to it.

The answer was coming closer and closer as the events of the last few days played on a loop in her mind. She knew the solution had to been hidden in those recent hours. Was it the sadness of her mother’s funeral and the memory of old times? Was it the way Grace reminded Archie of himself? Was it just her pregnancy making her a little bit mental?

Esther heard Roberta call from behind her, “Esther dear, quit pretending you are paying any mind to that book in your hand, and come here to talk about your problems. Something has been eating you up all day!”

Esther sighed, pulling herself out of her blankets and off the couch to move to the other side of the room. As she sat at the counter, Roberta placed a cup of tea and a dinner rolls from the night before in front of her.

Roberta commanded her in a motherly and warm tone, “Here, nibble on this and explain you troubles to me.”

Esther poured out the events that she had been running through her mind. She talked about the emotions that did not seem to add up. It infuriated her to have such a conundrum because problems like this never really happened for Esther. Every issue came with possible solutions and clear choices. This was far from the case, and pulling apart the bread before her Esther began to break down every feeling coursing through her veins.

The old woman smiled at Esther, her light brimming from the little creases around the corner of her eyes. She seemed to know the answer that was evading Esther. Picking up the wooden spoon, she moved back to the bubbling pot.

“Honey, Joshua knew,” Roberta said, stirring her pot a few times and smelling the aromatics wafting from the concoction before adding some chili flakes. “Lord, bless him. That man could not have children.”