The Sound Of Love

Chapter 10

Chantal sat on her bed weeping. There was a knock on the door. It was Fran.

“Come in,” said Chantal. She had been avoiding Fran for a couple of hours by now. She didn’t want her friend to see her like this. She didn’t want her friend thinking that she was a mess. However, a mess was what she was. There was no denying it. There was no point in pretending that she was stable in any way. She was not. This was who she was.

Fran came in and sat beside her. She placed a tentative hand on Chantal’s shoulder. Her friend did not shake it off. Encouraged by this, Fran hugged Chantal, who began to weep on her friends shoulder.

“I don’t know what to do,” said Chantal. “When Vince said those things… it was like my worst nightmare had come true. It was like I… like all of the things that I had been fearing for so long had come to pass and now this was all there was. I don’t know what to do, Fran. I don’t know what to do.”

“Listen to me,” said Fran firmly. “First of all, you are not acting abnormally. You have a good thing with Michael. A very good thing. And you are not used to good things, especially where men are concerned. On the contrary, you are used to men using you, treating you like garbage. It is not your fault at all. However, at the same time, I think it is very important that you realize that the way you are feeling, though normal, is very silly when you look at it objectively. You know why? Because at the end of the day it’s just not logical. Michael would not be so into you if he didn’t genuinely like you. He wouldn’t do or say the things he does just because he wants to have s*x with you, and he wouldn’t be behaving like this if you were just a way for him to get over his ex. That’s not how these things work, baby. You told me that he was into you, that the two of you were about to have s*x when he stopped, saying that he couldn’t while the two of you were drunk. He wouldn’t do that if either of the two situations that you were afraid of were true. If he just wanted s*x then obviously he would have used you right then and there. If he had just wanted to feel better, once again he would have just used you then and there. That one moment proves that he is being nothing but genuine with you, I can guarantee that.”

“But what if…” said Chantal. “What if he was just… trying to make me feel comfortable. What if he was just trying to lull me into a sense of safety so that I wouldn’t suspect him?”

“Two things,” said Fran. “First of all, why would he do that? Why would he want you to feel safe if he was using you in any way? You already felt safe. You felt comfortable enough to get naked with him, to get so close to the actual act of having s*x. You already felt like everything you were doing in that moment was right. If his purpose was to make you feel comfortable, it had worked. And before I tell you the second thing, I am going to ask you a question. The answer to this question is going to be the very reason that you shouldn’t be worried about this at all. Tell me, why were you so ready to get down and dirty with him at that time?”

“Because…” said Chantal. “Because I trusted him. I’d known him for two weeks but I knew that he wouldn’t… that he wouldn’t do anything wrong.”

“Exactly,” said Fran. “That there? That’s the feeling that you should be trusting, because it is the one that makes sense. That is the feeling that you should be trusting because it is the feeling that got you the guy that you feel most for in the world. Because you weren’t looking for a guy at the time. No, you were quite happy with how your life was going. Now, however, you are looking for reasons to doubt what you have. You are looking for ways in which you can invalidate what you have with Michael because you are scared. You’re scared, baby, and I get it. I don’t blame you for it at all. It’s what anyone would do if they got something that they had seriously not been expecting to get. Heck, it’s what I’d do in this situation too, you know. But trust the first feeling. It was made without any biases. This feeling, however… well, you’re pretty biased against yourself right now, so I would strongly advise against trusting any feelings that you have right now. Just go with what your gut first told you about Michael. Trust that there is someone out there that truly cares about who you are and doesn’t want you to change in anyway. You are an amazing person, Chantal. Michael is just the first person to see it. That’s all.”

Chantal sighed. What Fran was saying was making perfect sense. However, there was still something wrong with the whole situation.

“What about my job?” asked Chantal. “I just… Michael doesn’t want me doing this job. I can tell. What do I do? It’s a good job. It pays me well and gives me free time too.”

“Well,” said Fran, “that’s something that you are going to have to take up with him, I’m afraid. If you don’t like the fact that he wants you to quit your job, tell him. And if he’s adamant, well then you’re going to have to give him an ultimatum. Tell him that he can have you with the job or he can’t have you at all. It’s only fair, after all.”

Chantal took a deep breath. Yes, what Fran was saying made perfect sense. “I guess you’re right,” said Chantal. “I mean, I can’t argue with anything you’re saying right now. Oh God, all those things I said to Michael. And all because of what a bas*ard like Vince said to me!”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself,” said Fran. “Vince fanned flames that were already there. He was saying things that you were already afraid might be true, and listening to him saying them made them seem more real. Even though it was him that was saying them, your mind still panicked. It’s not your fault.”

“What do I do now?” asked Chantal. She felt like she had made the biggest mistake of her life. How could Michael ever forgive her after this? How could she ever look him in the eye again?”

“Go to him,” said Fran. “Go to him and tell him that you are sorry. And talk to him. Tell him that he should have been more understanding too. He needs to learn to cool down as well, because you are obviously going to have cold feet after hearing about his ex.”

“But what if I’m too late?” asked Chantal.