The Lion’s Mail Order Menage

She even felt so emboldened as to put a hand on one of his knees, her face going red at the contact, and even redder still when he put his hand over hers and ran his thumb lightly over her hot tingling skin.  It was the first time they had touched that way, even after having spent more than one night in the same bed, and it made everything around her look sharper, brighter.  When Caleb touched her it didn’t feel like she was bought.  It felt like it was because he wanted to, because he just liked her the way every girl wanted to be liked.  But what if he was coming in here to tell her that it was time for her to go? 

What if he was just a kind, slightly broken man who had offered her a warm bed and a friendly ear while he and Tyler decided the best way to ship her back to Moscow?  That thought was sobering and it made it hard for her to enjoy the little moments like this one she was in right now. 

Still, when Caleb opened his mouth to speak again, she had to listen.  He was compelling in that way.

“So then the noise really doesn’t bother you then, does it?  You’re an odd girl, you know that, Meena?  A girl who likes the pollution and the noise.  This city seems to be the perfect one for you.  Sounds to me like you should stay, what do you think?”

“I-I don’t know.  I think I would like to stay here.  I guess that depends on how long I’m allowed here.”

“What do you mean by that?  By the word ‘allowed?’  It seems like a funny choice of word to use.”

This was it, the moment she knew she needed to have with him yet dreaded all the same.

“Caleb, I’m not stupid.  You’ve been so much kinder to me than you had any reason to be and for as long as I live I’ll be grateful to you for it.  But I know I’m not what you and your friend wanted.  I know that.  You were expecting to get a girl each and all you got was me.  I’m not so arrogant as to believe that I’m enough for the two of you.  I don’t know if I’m anything like what you expected or wanted. 

“It’s a business after all, isn’t that so?  It’s a business and you didn’t get what you ordered.  You have every right to return your product for what you actually wanted.  I’m not a child.  I know it can’t be enough.”

“Meena, stop.  Please.”

Oh god, now on top of everything she had made him unhappy.  She had meant to say that it was OK, that she would never think of him with anything but good thoughts regardless of where she was sent to next.  Could she do nothing right in this thing?  Was she doomed to make mistake after mistake all the way back to Moscow? 

By the time she returned, she would be as battered as a woman could be, but even so, she would have the memories of sleeping late in this bed and eating the food Caleb (poorly) cooked for her.  If at all possible, she would like to get out of this situation without leaving Caleb with unkind thoughts about her.  Not being able to do a thing like that would be a bitter pill to swallow.

“I’m sorry.  I spoke out of turn.”

“No, that’s not what I meant at all.  What I meant was that I don’t want you to think anymore that we’re going to send you back to Moscow.  I can’t even believe that people could do a thing like that, but these people, me and Tyler, we won’t be the men to do that.  But I do have something delicate to say and I’m trying to figure out how to do it without offending you.”

“Offending me?”

“Yes,” he said quietly as the blush spread across his face. “I’m pretty much trying to keep from pissing you off so badly that you go to Moscow all on your own.”

“Well, I can’t see that happening under any circumstances, but go ahead, you don’t have to worry about what I’ll think.  The things that have been said to me might surprise you, Caleb.  I’m not as delicate as I look.”

“OK, look.  Here’s the thing I need to say.  The thing is, you are enough for both of us.  I’m sure you’ve noticed one loud, uncouth man hasn’t been around here all that much since you’ve been here, right?”

“Tyler?  Yes, I’ve noticed.  I just thought it was because he was angry at me.  For letting Kyra slip away.”

“No, it’s not that.  Not even close.  The issue is that neither of us wants to bow out.  I have to tell you, I didn’t want to do this.  I thought it was barbaric, wanted to undo it the day after we put the purchase in.  But now, after meeting you, after having you here, I can’t just let it go.  I don’t want to let you go.  But Tyler isn’t going to let it go, either.  This was his plan.  The whole thing was to fill his need and I can’t ask him to let that go.  So the thing I need to say…the thing I need to say is something I don’t know how to say.”

“You want to share me.”

“What?”

“You want to share me.  That’s the thing you don’t know how to say.  You can’t decide which one of you would go without and you want to share.  Isn’t that so?”

It was funny to see the reaction on his face.  She knew that she was right.  She could see it by the guilty look on his face, by the fact that he wasn’t able to look her in the eye anymore.  She wondered if she could ever make him understand how difficult it was to shock her.  He seemed to have shocked himself by alluding to a thing like a threesome but there were so many things she had seen and been forced to do that she wasn’t sure she would be able to put into words however long she lived, no matter how safe she came to feel about a person. 

How did she make him understand that the idea of a ménage a trois-style relationship with him and Tyler wasn’t even close to the worst thing she could imagine for herself?  She would be safe, at least.  She would be so much safer than she had been back in Russia and that was enough for her.