The Lion’s Mail Order Menage

Tyler hopped up like he had done nothing last night but watch PBS and drink a cup of tea, astounding to Caleb who felt like every movement he made was sharp knives going through his gut.  He accepted the medication and eyed the water suspiciously, not entirely sure that he was going to be able to keep it down. 

He looked back at Tyler, who had gone straight back to his position on the couch, and saw the stormy expression rolling across his eyes.  Whatever it was that had been troubling him last night (and Caleb honestly couldn’t quite remember if they had talked about that in any depth or not), it was still with him this morning and that was unusual for Tyler. 

He was typically the kind of man to drink a problem away and then forget it entirely, shelving it, never to be revisited.  This problem must have been more serious for him to still look that way.  Caleb wished he could just come out and ask him point blank what was troubling him, but that wasn’t the way things worked with Tyler. 

He was far too prickly for that.  There were some days when even asking him how he slept was liable to get you a swift punch to the nuts.  There was just no way of telling which days were the ones that had him feeling that testy.

“Hey, Tyler?  Can I ask you something without you being a complete di*k?”

“You can try.  I’m not making any promises.”

“Are you OK?”

For a minute, the way Tyler looked at him made Caleb feel actual fear.  It was a look of hatred, the look you might get from a stranger who hated the entire world.  A question like that coming from Caleb must have made Tyler feel vulnerable and weak and those were two things he simply could not abide.  But the look passed, just as it usually did, and Tyler gave him a small smile and a casual nod of the head.

“Sure thing, brother.  I’m always OK, don’t you know that by now?”

“But last night-”

“Last night nothing.  I was in a mood and we drank it out and now it’s gone.  That enough of an explanation for you?”

“I guess.  It’s just that I have a funny feeling.”

“Funny feeling about what?”

“Last night.  Did we do something stupid last night?”

“Define stupid.”

Caleb rolled his eyes and shot Tyler a look that made it clear he was not amused which only made Tyler laugh harder.  He was really enjoying this, wasn’t he?  He was enjoying making Caleb squirm and knowing that he was the only one who could give him the information he was after.  It was cruel, but that wasn’t necessarily out of character for Tyler.  It was his legendary mean streak rearing its ugly head.

“Come on, Tyler.  Just tell me.  I know you got some crazy idea and I have a feeling I agreed to it, I just can’t remember what it was.  You gonna tell me or do you really want to make me beg?”

“I’ll tell you.  Of course I’ll tell you, but I think you’re looking at it the wrong way.  Don’t think of it as something stupid.  Think of it as something innovative.  We needed something in our lives and we found a way to get it.  Just because it isn’t the conventional way doesn’t mean it isn’t a viable option.  Just remember that, OK?  Remember that last night you thought it was an OK idea.”

“Sweet Christ, Tyler!  If you’re trying to put my mind at ease about things, you’re doing a pretty sh*tty job.  I can tell you that much for sure.  You might just want to go ahead and tell me before I have an actual heart attack.”

“Well here, I’ll do you one better.  Why don’t you have a look for yourself?”

Tyler motioned with his head for Caleb to come join him in what constituted his living room area.  Caleb wanted to tell him to go to hell, to tell him to bring him whatever he wanted to show him so that he didn’t have to move any more than humanly possible, but that seemed like a pointless road to start down. 

Tyler was a stubborn son of a bi*ch who was likely to fight him on the matter just for the sake of fighting and, all joking aside, Caleb was starting to feel an unsettling panic rising up inside of him.  He needed to know if they had truly done something they shouldn’t have and, if so, if it was something they couldn’t undo.  So he hefted himself up off the floor and dragged his sorry, broken body over to the floor next to Tyler’s feet. 

The couch seemed like too much to tackle and feeling as off kilter as he did, being on the floor seemed to suit him better.  He felt like he needed the most solid ground he could get.  He rested his head on the cushion behind him and closed his eyes, waiting for the spins to slow so that he could concentrate on what he was supposed to be looking at.

“You gonna make it?”

“No.  Maybe.  I hope not.”

“Such a drama queen.”

“I know, it’s hilarious, right?  Now what is it that you need to show me?  It better be good for you to have dragged me over here.”

“I didn’t drag you anywhere.  You wanted to know what we got up to last night, right?  So there you go.  Take a look.”

Tyler was looking at Caleb’s laptop, still open from the night before.  So whatever it was, it was on his computer, which meant that their behavior was traceable.  So there was that, so he just had to hope to god that it wasn’t anything illegal.  He flipped it open and stared at the screen, finding it difficult to focus his eyes so that he could understand what it was he was looking at. 

Once he did, once he realized what they had done, his head shot up and he looked at Tyler in disbelief.