The Jaguar’s Arranged Mate

“No. The only reason why I slept with him was because of wanting to feel close to someone after a brush with death. It was purely physical, and it didn’t have any kind of emotional bonding. Not for me at least. It was just s*x. It was not the way to start a relationship, not one that could last. It… No. He and I, we never would have worked.”

“You’re sure?” he pressed.

“Yes. I’m positive. You have nothing to worry about.”

For a few minutes, they were both silent. Miera tried not to feel worried, but she couldn’t help it. His body beside her felt rigid and uptight, and she knew he wasn’t happy.

“What are you thinking about?” she asked desperately, wanting to try and fix this, the mess she’d made. Charles wanted her and the baby, the baby was dying, and her marriage was more a farce than anything else. If he wanted the divorce she’d offered him, she would give it to him, but it was not what she wanted. Not at all.

“You’re so certain the two of you wouldn’t have worked out.”

“Yes,” she said eagerly.

“Do you feel the same about us?”

“Us?” Her eyelids were starting to feel heavy again. No, she would not fall asleep right now. “I think—”

“I think we married for a good reason but not necessarily the right one.”

She glanced up to see his face. His frown wounded her.

“Or maybe it was the opposite. The right reason but not a good one. We don’t have a connection—”

“Don’t we?” she whispered. “Are you sure about that?”

His frown deepened. “Lust—”

“Lust isn’t the only thing, but maybe lust should play a role in a marriage. If you don’t desire your partner, that’s not a good thing.”

“Love is what’s important,” he countered.

“Yes, of course love is more important.” Even her neck hurt, and she couldn’t look up at him anymore, so she rested her head on his chest. Then she jerked back, not wanting to be so close to him, not if he didn’t want her to be.

He didn’t put her head back or tell her it was okay to lean on him, so she stayed apart despite them both being in her bed.

“Respect is just as important as love,” she said, her words slurring slightly from fatigue.

“Trust too.”

That woke her up. She jerked away from him and winced at the shot of pain that spread from between her legs. “You don’t trust me?”

“I never said that.”

“You implied it.”

“This…” He flickered his hand between them. “This is what frustrates me so much. We can’t even talk without fighting. How can we possibly get our people to stop if we can’t?”

Our people. Of course. Not, how can we possibly make our marriage work. Yes, their people uniting was more important than their marriage, but if they could show everyone that they truly cared for each other, that they loved each other, maybe it would be easier for the two packs to merge together into one.

Would they ever love each other? He had been so kind and tender and helpful during her labor. She would never forget how safe she had felt when he had basically held her up to walk so she could dilate faster. Without him, she wouldn’t have been able to do it. She wouldn’t have survived.

But despite his being so kind then, he seemed to be distancing himself from her again. Why?

Because he regretted marrying her. That much was clear.

“Is there anything I can do?” she whispered.

“I don’t think there is anything we can do at this point,” Beric said. He never sounded more bitter or more resigned. “The fence is being repaired, but every day, the workers find more places the Brutal Claws are trying to break through. I think it might be worth it to have shifts set up so that the fence is worked on twenty-four hours a day. But even that won’t stop them because we don’t have enough manpower to work on or even patrol the entire fence all night long. I just…” He sighed heavily. “The next battle might be the end.”

Hearing him say that made her skin crawl. “It might be. But it might not be.”

“Your optimism—”

“Is refreshing?” she asked hopefully.

“Is naïve.”

She winced.

“That came out wrong.” He sighed again. “I’m just worried.”

“I am too.”

“At least we can agree on that.” For the first time in a long while, his voice sounded warm.

Regardless of how he felt about her, she snuggled against him, and her eyes closed. Sleep came, and it was almost peaceful.

*

Beric refused to breathe, not wanting to jar her, not wanting to disturb her. She needed to rest. For whatever reason, she hadn’t been healing as quickly as her were abilities should have allowed, and his fright for her rivaled the level he felt for the baby.

That she had spoken to him, finally, about the were-jaguar she had slept with should have made him happy. He’d asked her about it several times. But he hadn’t wanted to talk about that guy. He had wanted to talk about them, the two of them, even if he couldn’t ever bring himself to talk about how he truly felt.

But what if she had brought up the guy and her strong argument that he had meant nothing to her because she was trying to hint that she had no feelings for Beric either? Was that why she had mentioned a divorce? Did she feel that they were incompatible?

What exactly did he feel? He had been so frightened when she had collapsed. All he could think about was how he couldn’t lose her. Not because of what she meant to her people or their plan to unite the packs, but because of him wanting his wife to live. Because even though he had not been there for her lately, she still meant a great deal to him.

“Sleep well,” he murmured.

“She needs to.”