The Jaguar’s Arranged Mate

Chapter 7

Miera needed a distraction. Beric might call off the wedding or send her child away as soon as he or she was born, and she just couldn’t handle thinking about that right now. There was no one she could talk to about this, certainly not her best friend Lisa. Lisa wasn’t known for keeping secrets.

If Matthias had lived, she might have been tempted to confide in him. He had always been her staunchest supporter. Even when she felt like she wasn’t good enough, he would be there for her, in her corner, believing in her.

But he was gone, and she was alone and pregnant. And if she kept thinking like this, her thoughts would spiral her into depression, and that was the last thing she needed right now.

It took her a good hour to locate her father. So many were-jaguars stopped her to ask when the wedding would happen, when she would introduce Beric formally to the pack, when they could stop feeling so scared. She had no answers for them. She had nothing to give them at all.

She was their heir, and she had failed at the best chance she had to try and secure them safety and peace.

Her father, as it turned out, was just leaving the mess hall. Thankfully, he was walking by himself.

She rushed over to him, ignoring the wave of nausea that accompanied her quick movement. “Father.”

He grimaced and sighed. “I know that tone. What do you want?” He never slowed down his swift pace. Her father never walked anywhere slowly.

“I would like to be given permission to go on a scouting expedition.”

Father’s jaw tightened. “After your brother, how can you think—”

“That is exactly why I think you should. It would be a way for me to mourn him. I haven’t… There hasn’t been time to, and I… I need this.”

“You’re far too emotional, Miera. You always have been.” Father shook his head, his short red hair hardly moving in the breeze that stirred her longer locks. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Even though it would be for my own peace of mind? You always talk about how we need to center ourselves, to know our true focus.” While she preferred to lift weights or to go on runs to stay in shape, her father was a big proponent of yoga, which had always struck her as comical, but, hey, if she could use that to her advantage now, she would. “Right now, I can’t focus on anything, let alone my true focus.”

“Beric is your sole focus,” her father growled. “You know this. That’s not something you could have forgotten.”

She had to do this. Somehow, she had to secure his permission. “He was with Matthias when he was killed. Seeing him only gives me more grief.”

Father scowled.

“I know I have to get over that,” Miera said desperately. Could this conversation be going any more poorly? If her father realized that her engagement was hanging on a thread, that everything she had tried to set into motion to save their people might all go up in smoke, there wouldn’t be enough hours for him to use yoga to try and find it in himself to forgive her. He just might be angry enough to kill her himself.

And if he discovered she was pregnant, that wouldn’t be any better either.

“I will get over that,” she added. “I know I will. I know I have to.”

“You have to get over your brother, too.”

“Do you even care that he was killed?” she blurted out, hurrying up to gain some space on him so she could whirl around and block his path. “I haven’t seen you mourn him either. You just go about your meetings, laughing and talking with everyone, acting as if nothing had ever happened.”

“Life goes on, Miera. It’s horrible, and it grieves me that he was taken from us, but this is war. We might not be having battles yet, but the time for that is growing nearer. It also grieves me that, while you were intelligent and insightful enough to propose the marriage that might save us, you dally about instead of marrying the were-jaguar so we can start serious preparations for that war. Don’t you realize the danger you’re putting us all in? Marry Beric and be done with it already.”

“It’s not that simple,” she spat out. “Nothing about life is simple. The Brutal Claws are coming, yes, I know that. I also know that if I don’t mourn my brother, I will be lost. I can’t forget about him. I can’t forget about Thom either. It’s important to remember where we came from, isn’t that what you always said?”

“Yes, but—”

“There are no buts. I will not sell my soul and become a killing machine in order to survive. I will not become a shell in order to live another day. I will still feel. I will never shut off my emotions. I won’t. If you don’t understand that, that’s on you.” It wasn’t until she said this that she realized it was the truth. She needed to go out scouting for several reasons, a distraction only part of the picture. Her brother’s murder plagued her deeply, and she needed to get over that first. Maybe then she could deal with her pregnancy and hopefully her impending marriage too.

Her father gave no response, just stared at the ground in front of her feet.

“Maybe your yoga has made you able to stop feeling, but I don’t have that luxury.”

Her father did the most surprising thing then. He wrapped his arms around her for a warm hug.

Miera stiffened at first before relaxing into the embrace. She wasn’t truly frightened of what was to come as far as the Brutal Claws were concerned. Her life she didn’t care about. That of her people and that of her unborn child, yes, but not her own life.

For a moment, she felt as she had when she had been a young were-jaguar cub. Her father had always protected her, kept her safe. There was no reason to fear anything when he was near.

But then he backed away, and there was horror on his face. He didn’t say anything, just grabbed her arm and marched her away from the mess hall, toward an empty garden. After he glanced around—probably to ensure no one was nearby—he growled, “Do you have something to tell me?”