The Fighter Pilot’s Baby

Alex nodded at her response and headed towards the door. The last two days were so strange and Bianca wished it was a dream she could wake up from.

“Okay then,” he said, pulling the door open.

“I’m sorry, Alex,” Bianca said as he walked out and closed the door behind him.

Despite her best efforts to maintain her composure, Bianca crumbled and began to sob. So much for being done with crying.

*****

Alex drove to his apartment without the radio. He needed time to think. Bianca was definitely not fine with what happened, and yet she pretended it was for the best. And she looked different, he just couldn’t figure out why. Slamming his hand against the steering wheel, Alex cursed. Where did they go wrong? Last night, and the worry and anxiety of where Bianca was and who she was with returned. She made him lose his trust in her, that’s what went wrong. How was he even sure she wasn’t with someone else last night and that was why she broke it off so easily. Alex shook his head, no, she looked devastated by the breakup, with dark smudges under her chocolate brown eyes that were red rimmed and puffy from continued crying. A woman who was cheating didn’t cry when the man she cheated on broke up with her. Bianca wasn’t like that and Alex knew it. So why was he so quick to jump to that conclusion? Images of his first serious relationship, fresh out of high school before he joined the Air Force, popped into his head. Kate was also beautiful and appeared innocent. But that wasn’t the truth. She cheated behind his back for months while they dated and made a fool of Alex. That’s why he jumped to conclusions. But Alex knew he was wrong, and Kate wasn’t the rule but the exception. Bianca was nothing like her and he fu*ked up last night. Sighing, Alex made a u-turn. He wasn’t going to let Bianca slip through his fingers, especially not on Christmas Eve.

*****

A soft knock sounded on the door a half hour later as Bianca was stepping into the living room. When Alex left all she wanted to do was hide in her room and eat the clichéd ice cream and cookie dough. But she didn’t. She got her ass off of the bed and took a shower and decided to bake cookies with the damn dough instead. Then she would drop them off to someone who really wanted them. It was Christmas Eve after all and what was Christmas without cookies. Before the fight, Bianca and Alex had planned on cooking a nice dinner and the next day exchanging gifts and visiting their prospective families together to make the relationship ‘official’. But now Bianca would have to go to her mom’s broken and pregnant and alone. The idea made her cringe because her mom, the serial monogamist, would instantly try to hook her up with someone else all while berating her for getting ‘knocked up’ without a ring. Shaking her head at the absurdity and deciding to stay home and eat all of the cookies by herself, Bianca started toward the door. She peeped through the peephole and gasped; Alex came back.

Bianca swung the door open and stood there staring at him, the cold crisp air wrapping around her like an icy blanket and causing her to shiver. “Come in,” she mumbled, running her hands over her cold arms where goose bumps had formed.

Alex nodded, stepping and closing the door tightly. “I shouldn’t have left before. Bianca, we need to talk.”

“Alex, I’m not sure what you want to talk about. We covered it all last night. You aren’t happy and I’m holding you back. Why would you come back here? I’m having a hard enough time as it is,” Bianca said, regretting the last sentence the moment it left her mouth. Her words came out harsher than she intended but she had to let him know how she felt, he said his piece and it was time to say hers.

Alex’s head snapped up, and he looked her in the eye, his gaze so intense that she had to look away. “Look at me, Bianca. I didn’t want to end us, you did.”

“If you wanted to be with me, Alex, then why did you say such awful things to me the last time we spoke?” Bianca began to sob, her hormones taking over. She cursed her stupid hormones and looked at her feet.

Without warning, Alex was in front of her, his arms gathering her to his chest. As much as she wanted to fight him, she didn’t, because if she was being honest, it felt so damn good to be held by him.

“I didn’t mean it. I know it’s hard to believe but I was so lonely in the Air Force. When I found you I knew I didn’t want to go back. I ran away from something that wasn’t even close to what we have and I almost gave us up because I was comparing you to her. Truth be told, she couldn’t hold a candle to you, Bianca. You’re it for me. I love you,” Alex said, his mouth pressed against her hair.

Bianca tried not to seem surprised at his declaration. She wanted to tell him she loved him for weeks but was too afraid that after losing the baby the words would seem forced or weak. Almost losing him was enough for her. She had to say the words or she would never forgive herself.

“I love you too, Alex.” At this point tears were falling from her eyes, “And I never wanted to break up, I just thought it was what you wanted so I pretended I was okay with it.”

When they were through, and Bianca was spent, she rested her head on his chest; all thoughts of lonely Christmases and baking cookies forgotten.