The Fighter Pilot’s Baby

“Alex, please slow down. I wasn’t with anyone. Just come over so we can talk…”

“I don’t want to talk right now. You’ve been shutting me out for weeks since you lost the baby and now I can’t even get a hold of you during the day and I find out you’re lying to me about where you’ve been. This miscarriage devastated me just as much as it did you and I’ve done nothing but wait around for you to heal so we could move on. But it doesn’t seem like you want to move on, Bianca. Two steps forward and one step back. I gave up a promising career in the Air Force for you and this charade of a relationship,” He sighed, his voice getting lower and lower with each word he spoke.

Bianca laid her head back against the headboard. She had no idea he felt that way and hearing it now caused her to second guess the timing of this pregnancy. He would be angry and think she did it on purpose to replace the baby they lost. Bianca suddenly felt sick to her stomach and it wasn’t from the pregnancy. Why not let him go now and let him be happy with someone else? He obviously wasn’t happy with her and if he found out she was pregnant again he would try to make it work because he was a good guy.

Sighing, Bianca began, trying to keep the tears from her voice, “Alex, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were feeling that way. You never told me and you could have. I don’t know what else to say.” She stopped, clearing her throat to break up the lump that gathered there, “If you want a break from me, from us, I’ll understand.”

Silence greeted her on the other end and she almost wondered if the phone had disconnected.

“If that’s what you want, Bianca then I don’t see any other reason to stick around,” he muttered softly, sounding defeated.

Bianca almost yelled at him, that no, she didn’t want that, but it was better this way. He would go on to find someone who made him happy not lonely and lied to.

“Goodbye, Alex,” Bianca croaked, stifling a sob.

“Goodbye, Bianca, “Alex all but whispered.

The line went dead and Bianca laid down on the bed, still clutching the phone to her chest. Just when she thought they were finally going to be happy and have a family she had to go and ruin the one good thing that ever came her way.

*****

Alex hung up the phone and almost threw it against the wall of his apartment. What the hell just happened? Did they break up? Running a hand over his face, the stubble rasping against his hand, Alex wondered why he even agreed to let Bianca call it quits. One minute he was running around frantic trying to find her and the next it was over. But why? He only half meant what he said to her. The miscarriage did break him down but despite her pulling away at first, it seemed she was trying harder to be her normal self. The last few days were weird though and it seemed like he was losing her all over again. The thought that she was with someone else made Alex want to smash a hole in the wall. Why else would she lie to him about where she was? Why else would she be acting so strangely?

Alex began to pace around the room, feeling like a caged animal. He wanted Bianca, that was for damn sure, but did she still want him? He would get to the bottom of this one way or another, even if it meant losing her forever. Maybe it was for the better. Alex shook his head. No, Bianca was the only woman he wanted but how did he mend what he just broke?

*****

Bianca woke up, the sun shining in her eyes through the window, and frowned when she remembered what had happened the night before. Her head was pounding and she knew it must be from crying off and on all night. Sitting up, she winced, her head not wanting her to move. Placing a hand over her eyes, she flopped back down. Why get up anyway? It’s not like she had anything to do. School was out for winter break and her class semester had ended. All she wanted to do was lie in bed and mope. Thinking about Alex again, Bianca sucked in a breath, trying not to cry. She was sure her head would explode if she did. Finally managing to force herself from bed, Bianca swallowed two Tylenol with a coffee chaser and then curled on the couch with the remote. She aimlessly flipped through the channels until she found a mind numbing romance movie about Christmas and settled back to watch it. After about thirty minutes her head began to droop, and fearing she’d spill coffee all over her light colored carpets she set it down and reclined on the couch, tucking the blanket under her chin. Within minutes she was asleep, the Christmas program forgotten.

When Bianca woke, the TV was off and her coffee cup removed from the side table. An eerie feeling of not being alone crept over her and she jumped from the couch when she heard footsteps in the kitchen.

“It’s okay, Bianca it’s just me,” Alex said, walking in from the kitchen.

“Alex? What are you doing here?” Bianca asked with confusion. Was last night all a dream?

A shadow of regret passed over Alex’s face but then was gone in an instant. “I came to check on you. After last night…” He trailed off.

“Oh. Thanks. I’m okay, really. I’m sorry to have put you through so much upset. I didn’t know you would be so angry.” Bianca apologized.

Seeing him was making her insides hurt. She wanted him to leave so that she could move on without him, just her and the baby. There was no reason to put him through any more traumas and Bianca was being selfish thinking that maybe she could fix what she broke in the first place. If only she didn’t lose the other baby… No, she wouldn’t go down that road again. What was done, was done. She couldn’t change it and neither could Alex, but what she could do was protect him. He wasn’t happy with her, he said it himself, so why was he here?