The Fighter Pilot’s Baby

*****

The test was positive, Bianca couldn’t believe it. Only two months later and she was pregnant again. And scared to death. Hoping to distract Alex from asking questions about her demeanor, that and the fact that he looked fu*king sexy dripping wet and naked, Bianca gave him a little ‘treat’ this morning. Sure, she was running late for work but it was worth it, in more ways than one. Talking about her class and the cute little projects they created the last day before winter break also helped keep her from showing him the terror in her eyes every time she thought about that test. She took it the night before and couldn’t stop thinking about it since.

Something seemed off when last week Bianca was exhausted, bone tired exhaustion that left her feeling like the walking dead at night. She knew that wasn’t normal and that she had felt that, albeit briefly, the last time she was pregnant. This time it kept getting worse and she could barely keep her head off the dinner table two nights ago. That’s when she suspected; well that and vomiting up her whole dinner afterwards. She was able to hide it from Alex, which was hard considering he was constantly checking up on her lately. Before this, she was doing well, the loss of the baby still haunted her on occasion but she was moving on. Now she was in a panic that it would happen again. She took the test when Alex went out the night before to get some clothes and other things from his apartment downtown. That left her exactly forty-five minutes to get a test, take it and dispose of it. As much as she wanted it to be negative; the complete opposite of what she wanted two months ago, it wasn’t. She stared at the double pink lines for almost twenty minutes and only made it within seconds to throwing it in the garbage bins in the backyard before Alex came back in.

Paralyzed with fear that he would find out she barely ate dinner that night, and due to extreme exhaustion she fell right to sleep afterwards. Bianca could tell he knew something was up with her, and for once she hoped he only thought it was about the miscarriage. Pulling into her parking spot and shutting off the engine, Bianca knew he couldn’t find out about this pregnancy before she knew for certain if the baby was okay. She couldn’t crush him by losing his baby again; their relationship would never survive it.

*****

The work day flew by and Bianca was beyond exhausted when it was over.

“Are you okay, Bianca?” Mrs. Jensen asked as they were leaving for the day.

She must have looked as bad as she felt. “I’m okay, just tired with working full time and taking night classes. I can’t wait to have two weeks off for winter break to relax,” Bianca said, averting her eyes so Mrs. Jensen couldn’t see right through her lie. After all, she did teach five year olds for thirty-three years.

“How have you been feeling, dear?” Mrs. Jensen followed up; she knew about the miscarriage that most people didn’t.

“Better. I’ll always be sad when I think of what could have been, but there isn’t anything I can do to change what happened,” Bianca replied and it was the truth.

As much as she mourned and regretted what happened, she knew now there was nothing she could have done to change it. The doctor spoke extensively with her about it at her follow up appointment when all Bianca did was blame herself. Bianca walked with Mrs. Jensen to her car and said her goodbyes, hugging the older woman and wishing her a Merry Christmas before they parted ways. She climbed into her car and sighed, leaning her head back on the head rest and closing her eyes for a moment. God, she was tired. Taking a deep breath, she started the car and headed home, trying to figure out a way to hide the pregnancy from Alex for a few weeks. This was going to be more difficult than she thought.

*****

Alex walked out of the office, a smile spreading across his face. He was ready to begin work as soon as the holidays were over. He couldn’t wait to surprise Bianca next week with the information that he had a job, and a great paying and exciting job at that. With more excitement than he felt in awhile, Alex drove home to Bianca’s. It was funny that he thought of her house as home even though he didn’t officially live there. Any place Bianca was would be considered home to him. That was when Alex knew what he had been trying to deny all of this time. He loved Bianca and he wanted to be with her for a lifetime. Suddenly getting an idea, Alex took a detour home. He had a more important stop to make and a great Christmas present for Bianca. The only thing he hoped was that she would say yes.

*****

Bianca’s symptoms continued to get worse over the next couple of days. The nausea was so bad it was becoming increasingly hard to hide from Alex. Luckily, he seemed a bit distracted himself and Bianca could use the excuse of Christmas shopping to get out of the house without him. Bianca couldn’t face her mom, especially since she wasn’t aware of Bianca’s first pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage so she didn’t go shopping with her. Instead she called Andrea and had her meet her at the mall. She needed someone to talk to, and since Andrea had her own child, little Jay was just four months old, she knew her friend would understand. Bianca met Andrea at her car in front of the main entrance just before noon.

“So where do you want to start?” Andrea asked, strapping Jay into his baby carrier and adjusting him on her chest.

When Bianca just stood, watching Andrea and the baby, who she hadn’t seen since she miscarried, Andrea paused. “What’s wrong, Bianca?” Andrea asked, sensing a change in her demeanor.

“I’m pregnant,” Bianca blurted, without thinking. Realizing what she said, she slapped a hand over her mouth.

“What? When did this happen?” Andrea asked a look of shock on her face.

“I’m guessing about eight weeks ago,” Bianca answered, “But I haven’t told Alex. There’s a lot more to the story.” She began.

As they walked into the mall, Bianca recounted the whole story, from finding out she was pregnant the first time, to the miscarriage and finally the current pregnancy. Andrea looked so confused, and mildly hurt that she was just finding out, that Bianca felt she needed to stop to let her say her piece.

“I can’t believe this, Bianca. Why didn’t you tell me before?” Andrea asked with hurt in her voice. She looked so upset that she was kept out of the loop about it all that Bianca felt she owed her an explanation.

“I’m sorry, Andrea. I didn’t really get a chance to tell anyone about the pregnancy before I lost it. Then I was so lost myself I didn’t speak to anyone. I barely spoke to Alex. You were so busy with little Jay I didn’t want to burden you with this,” Bianca said, leaning forward to hug her friend.