The Fighter Pilot’s Baby

Chapter 9

Several weeks passed and the holiday season was fast approaching. Bianca was busy getting ready for finals and winter vacation from work. It seemed she and Alex were back into a groove and the awkwardness and sadness that was surrounding them in the weeks prior was slowly lifting. Bianca was looking forward to the almost two weeks away from work and school and was hoping that the time spent with Alex would further heal their relationship. Alex was still looking for work and she hoped he would find something soon, although he didn’t seem as melancholy as he was when he returned from Chicago. He wouldn’t talk much about the job search or if he was even still pursuing his own business but Bianca knew he wanted to make sure he was financially sound before they tried again for a baby. They discussed waiting until after the holidays and even talked about Alex moving all the way in to her house at that point; even though he spent ninety percent of his time there anyway.

Pulling herself from her wayward thoughts, Bianca put the finishing touches on her final paper and shut down the computer. It was close to midnight and Alex was snoring away next to her. He was exhausted lately and Bianca knew he was working very hard to find a job. Bianca stashed her computer away and climbed back into bed. She brushed a soft kiss across Alex’s lips and settled back against her pillow, tucking herself into the crook of his arm and laying against his chest. The sound of his steady heartbeat began to lull her to sleep. Suddenly he stiffened and Bianca startled awake.

“If you keep rubbing me that close to my crotch I may forget that you have to get up early and have my way with you, again.” Alex mumbled his voice gravely with sleep.

Bianca laughed, “I’m sure I would be so upset if you did.”

Bianca decided to push her luck and Alex made good on his promise. By the time they both went to sleep it was almost two a.m. but Bianca wasn’t complaining at all.

*****

Alex wondered when he should tell Bianca about his new job. He was almost finished training and knew he should tell her soon. But it never seemed to be the right time. He thought about what she would think when she found out. Would she be angry? Would she think it was stable enough? Truth be told, when she had the miscarriage and their lives were in turmoil Alex decided it was best to keep the new job a secret for awhile, she had enough to think about, but now they were getting back into the swing of things and Bianca seemed happy. At least that’s what he thought. Some nights he would watch her when she thought he was asleep, she still had trouble sleeping, and he could see the far off look in her eyes; that what if expression. He knew the look because he would do it too. There wasn’t anything either of them could do to bring the baby back but they would never fully heal either. Sighing, Alex stepped from the shower, already running several minutes behind schedule for his training. He was due to finish up just before Christmas and he wanted to surprise Bianca with being fully employed as a Christmas gift, one of many. They discussed trying again for a baby after the holidays but Alex could see the hesitation in Bianca’s eyes. Just like him, she was frightened of losing another baby. The doctor told them it was a fluke, an accident of nature, but he knew they would both be scared until they had another healthy baby.

Toweling himself off, Alex walked into the bedroom. Even though he hadn’t ‘officially’ moved into Bianca’s house, it felt like he lived there. He still had his one bedroom apartment downtown, but with the exception of running there to get clothes, he rarely visited it. Bianca would also clam up at the discussion of him moving in and Alex decided to let it go for now, until she was at least pregnant again and he had a reason to be there full time. He knew one thing; he wasn’t going to let her pull away from him again.

Thinking Bianca was asleep still, Alex padded into the room quietly, draping his wet towel over her vanity chair. Warm hands wrapped around his bare waist just before he bent to pull on his boxer briefs.

Alex smiled, “I thought you were asleep?” He said turning to pull a sleep mussed Bianca against his naked chest.

“Mmm, not when you’re naked and wet five feet away I’m not,” she mumbled, burying her face in his chest.

“Later, soldier, I’m really going to be late. At least it’s just the last day before winter break and there won’t be much to do. We are having a ‘holiday’ party today.” She explained.

They finished dressing and grabbed coffee from the kitchen on their way out as Bianca explained to Alex what they would do today for the kids. Before the miscarriage, she wasn’t so prone to silence-filling chatter. Perhaps she didn’t want to stop talking and think for any amount of time. He listened intently, asking questions when he wanted to know more. They walked out the door together and he kissed her goodbye; the type of kiss that let her know they would definitely be finishing what she started later. Bianca waved as she stepped into her car and Alex couldn’t shake the feeling that she was slipping away from him again.