The Billionaire’s Savior

KENYA: (stares up at the Duly Appointed Enforcers of the Cravler Accord before pulling out her infopod and typing a quick note.) “So … hero-worshiping hero … ? That’s new.”

(Ikon’s infopod chirps. He pulls it out and, furrowing his brow, tries to make sense of the note. It chirps again. And again.)

(Cut back to interview)

KENYA: (looks up at the ceiling) “Zim uses an annoying font called ‘Mr. Saturn’ when she sends messages.”

(Cut to interview with Jamaica)

JAMAICA: “So I get this message from Kenny, telling me to spam message Ikon of every little infraction I could between the firing range and Stella’s … in my usual font. So I’m totally game, because, yanno, he’d want to know every little infraction out there, no da?”

(cut to beginning of interview with Jamaica)

JAMAICA: “My name’s Jamaica, and I’m on the hacker team, with DualCore and Bomb. I pull the black-hat ops. On the field, I’m saboteur and long-range support. I ran with Kenny’s Destroyers unit during the Zombie Conflict. Oh, can you add one of those cool still shot pans, like they do in fighting games of the characters’ intro, with the name and their title. Like, when they strike a pose like this —” (she whips out her arms, hands in fists with the pinkie and index fingers extended.)

CASSETTE: “Sure.”

(A crash of guitars as a still of Jamaica with an explosion background, flashing the sign of the horns crosses the screen; underneath, text reading “JAMAICA: Sidekick of Annoyance!!!!!11eleventyone!!!1!”.)

JAMAICA: “So yeah, I came on board because, quest! With Zimbabwe! C’mon, how awesome is that? To think I used to be a homebody, sticking around Stella Maris after the Great War. But! I get the taste of adventure when I went on my first quest with Kenny and the boys to locate —”

[ FOOTAGE REMOVED BY ORDER OF THE DULY APPOINTED ENFORCER OF THE CRAVLER ACCORD ]

JAMAICA: “— and then with slag getting real and we were right in the fire fight and there were times where we thought we were gonna kiss our afts goodbye and — yeah, and after all is said and done, you sit at the bar and wonder, ‘okay, now what?’ So here I am!”

(Cut to CCTV footage; Stella’s before it officially was recognized as an establishment. Jamaica is sitting at the bar with Tarot, Puff, Shawshank, and Sol. They are all quiet.)

JAMAICA: “So! Who’s up for going total Wormhole in the vents while tailing Red Alert?”

Tarot: (raises his hand) “I’m in!”

(Cut back to interview)

JAMAICA: “Zimbabwe! See? Inscription on the back: ‘To Zim: BFF!’ We were tight running the streets back on Zion, yanno? That’s where I got my start in demolition. Then my bombs got elaborate and turned out I have a knack for computer systems. And so my bombs went from physical boom-pops to scramblers, EMPs, flash-bangs, and noisemakers. But my true taste is getting into code. I love code. Little ones and zeros hiding all kinds of juicy intel. Can’t say I’m a master hacker, but I’m good in a pinch.”

(Cut to Cassette POV, of Jamaica in her hab unit, fiddling with connections to consoles.)

CASSETTE: “Sure you don’t need help?”

JAMAICA: “I’ve never had an issue wiring up Earth tech with Dalmatians before! C’mon, you spawn of a glitch!” (looks up at the camera) “How old’s this ship again? No, that doesn’t make sense. I was able to get my old Call of Duty online, I could do anything! C’mon! All I want to do is play Spin the Mambot for movie night! Is that so much to ask?!”

(Cut to video supplied by Jamaica’s web cam; Hab Unit 74. Dark except for the light from the screen. Jamaica is in the center, with a keyboard in her lap; surrounding her are Tarot, Soul, and Seoul; Kenya and West are off-camera. They’re all talking at once, wildly gesturing.)

SEOUL: “Where’s Frog? Where’s Frog?!”

TAROT: “Check the corridor!”

SOUL: “He’s got a pattern! Shut the door now!”

JAMAICA: “I’ve got ten percent power and it’s only 3am! I got it, I got it, I got it —”

SOUL: “He’s not in Heaven’s Lair! Shut the door now!”

SEOUL, SOUL, and TAROT: “Check the corridor! Check the corridor!”

JAMAICA: “I tell you, I got it —”

(They all jump and scream, Seoul huddling behind Soul. Kenya’s expletives are bleeped out as she falls into the camera frame and into Soul’s lap. They take a moment to catch their breaths.)

TAROT: (higher-pitched than normal) “I told you Frog was in the corridor!”

SEOUL: (whimpering) “I think my fuel pump seized…”

KENYA: (over shoulder, gaze off camera) “Did you — yep, panic bubbled.”

WEST: (after a pause, off screen) “Quiet, you.”

(return to interview)

JAMAICA: “Metabez? Well, where to start? He’s tall, handsome, modest, a hero to the masses…no big deal, really.”

(cut to CCTV of Stella’s, focusing on Clone trying to enjoy his drink in peace as Tarot and Jamaica are in the background, jumping up and down, clapping and squealing.)

CLONE: (groans, slouching his shoulders)

JAMAICA: (her infopod beeps; she pulls it out and giggles) “I’ll meet you later! I’m on a mission!”

(return to interview)

JAMAICA: (shrugs) “I didn’t actually get the chance to meet him, unfortunately — secret mission and slag.”

(cut to CCTV outside of Stella’s, Jamaica running down the corridor, texting furiously. Turning the corner too sharply, she trips over Egypt’s overextended leg, knocking her out cold.)

EGYPT: “Ha! Serves you — oh, [expletive bleeped].” (shakes his head, looks down, looks around, pokes her with a foot.) “[Expletive bleeped], boss is going to kill me.” (looks around again.) “Brat down!” (pokes her in the head.) “Brat? Brat?” (starts shaking her) “Brat, wake up! Aw, [expletive bleeped] it.” (grabs her by the ankle and drags her to the medibay, narrating as he goes) “Taking her to see First Aid; she ran into a wall. I had no part of it; I just found her like this. Really.” (continues down the corridor) “We need to get our stories straight, Brat. You ran into the wall, and I took you to medibay. Got it? Good.”

(cut back to interview)

JAMAICA: “I hear the Five-Ball Destroyer Bot struck soon afterwards.”

(cut to CCTV, timestamp after the Black Panther disembarked, outside Egypt’s hab unit. He opens the door, five-mile-yellow paint explodes in his face.)

EGYPT: “[EXPLETIVE BLEEPED]! I’M HIT! I’M HIT! MECH DOWN!”

(Ultra Ikon happens on the flailing Majitu, jaw clenching but does nothing to help Egypt and continues on his way.)

JAMAICA: “’Unvincible; no known weaknesses’ my sine function. So yeah, I was pretty much out of it for the whole Pax situation — which su*ked, because, from what I heard, that whole thing about Germ’s alt mode?” (flashes the sign of the horns again) “Metal, man — Holy Cudgel of Epic Enlightenment, automatic crit with chance of initiative! I am so stating that for my next campaign!”

KENYA: “’Am I happy?’” (a pause) “You know, I haven’t been in a long time. Almost forgot what it was like.” (another pause; she cups her chin and smiles, gazing at a point off camera. Starts humming “My land is Kenya”.)

JAMAICA: “Of course I’m happy! Sure, I miss my boys, but I’ve got Kenny and Rod and new friends, too! And old buds, too, like Bomb and you and Edgehawker, even though he’s a [expletive bleeped] — friends from Majitu City, which is great because then it feels like home.”

KENYA: “What’s next? Honestly? I’m home; why do I want to worry about what’s next? It’s about the journey, not the destination.”

JAMAICA: “Humans have a concept: it’s called ‘family.’ And for all of our dumb[expletive bleeped]ry and co*k-ups, we refuse to see one another as a liability, yanno? That’s the thing: Zimbabwe didn’t pick us. He just said, ‘I’m going on a quest to save Animatron! Who’s with me?” and he didn’t say, ‘no, you can’t come because you talk too much,’ or ‘you can’t come because you don’t have a useful alt mode’ or even ‘you can’t come because you can’t fight your way out of a wet paper bag.’ He looked beyond that, seeing the value of us as individuals. Okay, too heavy. I have the most amazing campaign in the works, second edition, so THAC0 enabled, prestige mid-level. You in?”