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“I’m guessing some things got said that shouldn’t have been.”

“You could say that.”

“Some things you can’t really take back now that they’re out there in the atmosphere?”

“Exactly.”

“But there’s something else, too. I can see it in your face. There’s something else that’s troubling you.”

“She’s gone, dad. She’s just, gone.”

“What do you mean?”

“Andrew. He said some things that hurt her and I told her to go back to the apartment, to wait for me there. I just came from there and there’s nobody there. All of her things are gone and she left a note. She said she loved me, and she was sorry, and she didn’t want to make things worse. She’s gone.”

To his complete shock and utter humiliation, Joshua began to cry. It was all too much for him. He had lost almost everything he loved in such a short amount and it felt like it was more than he could take. He didn’t want his father to see him like this but he just couldn’t control it. Sometimes a man, even a very strong man, couldn’t keep a hold on himself anymore.

There was a breaking point and Joshua had reached it. Much to his surprise, his father got up and moved towards him, put his arm around him awkwardly in an attempt to provide reassurance. The thing was, as awkward and unusual as the gesture felt, it meant more to Joshua than he could ever have expressed.

“You know it will be ok, right? It may not seem like it and it may not be ok in the way you’re picturing it, but it will be ok. Talk things over with your brother.”

“No. No, pop, that’s not going to be ok. I don’t see that ever happening. He hates me now. He hates her, too, and that hurts almost as much as him hating me. I love her and he called her the most awful things and the things I said back weren’t much better. How do you mend a thing like that?”

“Do you love him? And don’t just give me a kneejerk response. I want you to really think about it. That question isn’t always as easy as it seems.”

“Dad, I don’t have to think about it. It’s all I’ve thought about for the last few hours. It’s all I’ve thought about for the last few weeks, months. I do love him. He’s still my brother and that’s the way I love him. That’s what makes what I did so hard for me to understand. I love him and I knew going off with Alina on my own would piss him the hell off, and I did it anyway. Why would I do a thing like that? What makes a person make that kind of a choice?”

“It’s an impossible choice to have to make. There are a whole lot of people who would’ve done the same thing if they were in your same position. And things are different for you in some ways. I think in some ways, they may honestly be harder.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Because, Josh, you’re so sensitive about people. It’s not easy to break down your walls and at the same time you aren’t willing to use people for the things you want. That makes it hard for you to have people in your life. I’ve never seen you want a woman this way. Making a choice like this, for you it’s like making a choice between two parts of your life that you desperately need. Andrew will understand that. He’s hotheaded, we all know that, but he’s loyal just the same as you. He’ll forgive you.”

“No. He won’t. He doesn’t love me, dad. I don’t think he ever did.”

“Seriously? What kind of stupid sh*t are you saying now? I swear to god, if I don’t keep my eye on you every waking minute you completely fall apart.”

Joshua’s head swiveled in the direction of this new voice at the same time as he jumped up out of his chair, backing cautiously towards the door he had come in through. It was Andrew. Here he was pouring his heart out about all of the things that had just exploded in his life, and Andrew was lurking somewhere in the back hall. He looked at his dad in disbelief, feeling the most astonishing sense of betrayal.

“Dad! What the fu*k? Has he been here this whole time?”

“Now hold on, Joshua, don’t get excited.”

“Don’t get excited? Don’t get fu*king excited? You should have told me! I would never have told you any of that sh*t if I had known he was here. You should have said something the minute I sat down.”

“That’s exactly why he didn’t say anything, Joshua. Because you would have just shut down. It was good for you to say it out loud, to realize how you felt about everything. It was good for Andrew, too. He needed to hear you without everything be so awfully heated.”

And there was his mother, peering out at him from behind Andrew. It looked like she was actually hiding from him and for just a minute he couldn’t even see straight, he was so mad. He was the son she had given birth to! It was him she had held from the moment he could breathe on his own, and yet she was using this non-blood related man as a shield to keep the two of them apart. On some level he knew it was incredibly childish for him to even think this, but she had been in the wrong place. She should have been next to his father, listening to the things that were ripping him apart. She had picked the wrong son to comfort.

“Sh*t, are you kidding me? Nice, really nice, mom. I guess I should have expected this.”

“Whoa, come on, man.”

“‘Whoa?  ? You shut the fu*k up, got it? Nobody is talking to you.”

“Joshua!”

“What’s the matter, mom? You don’t like the way I’m talking to your son? Well newsflash. I’m your son, too!”

“Josh! Stop it, ok? You don’t have to talk to her like that. It was me. All of this. All of it was me.”