The Bear’s Mail Order Menage

“Can you be more specific?”

“This. The same places, same people every single day of our lives. When was the last time someone new came to stay here? A new shifter? When was the last time someone even passed through? What do they expect us to do?”

“I don’t know. Live. They expect us to live just like anyone else would. Do you think we’re the only people in the world who t live in small towns? It happens all over the world, ok? It’s something you just live with.”

“Well maybe I don’t want to.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Maybe I don’t want to live here like this anymore.”

“What’s your alternative? I’m not going to lie, you’re kind of freaking me out. You wouldn’t ever do anything stupid, would you?”

“Me?” he asked with the devious grin that made most of the women in the town salivate, “When have I ever done anything stupid?”

“Stop it. I’m not joking, Andrew. It’s a serious question.”

“What, you mean hurt myself or something? Please. I’m not the type.”

“Well then what are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about changing things. I’m talking about leaving, about doing something different than what we’ve been doing. We could do do it, you know. We could just get in the car and drive out of here. It’s not like we wouldn’t ever be able to come back. This place would still be here, and so would the people we love. But we would get to live, to actually do things. We could go to the Grand Canyon, or go see the Eiffel Tower, for christ’s sake. We could go anywhere.”

“The Eiffel Tower?” Joshua replied with a laugh, “so we’re going global now?”

“You know what I mean. My point is, we could do whatever we wanted to do. It could be good, you know? It really could.”

“Maybe. I don’t know.”

“But does that mean you’ll think about it?”

Andrew looked so excited and part of Joshua wanted to say yes, to tell his friend that if what he really wanted was to leave, then they would just climb into his beat up old truck and go. He even opened his mouth to say it, but the words wouldn’t come. He wasn’t ready to leave. As much as he understood what Andrew was talking about, he just didn’t feel the same way.

“I don’t know. Maybe at some point but not right now. I can’t leave right now, especially not a couple of weeks before Cali’s birthday. That would pretty much kill my parents, and you know that’s true.”

“Sh*t. Sh*t. You’re right. So not now. But something has to change, brother, and not in a few weeks or months or, god forbid, years. Something’s gotta change now, or I’m going to completely lose it.”

“I know, I can see it. You look like you’re going to knock the next person who looks at you the wrong way flat on his back. We’ve just got to get creative, alright? Let’s think on it. I want to help, I think you know that, I just can’t do what you’re asking. Not right now, anyway. I’m just not through with this place yet. I’ve still got my demons to wrestle with. My ghosts.”

“Jesus, ain’t that the truth? I’ve got plenty of those, brother, and you know that’s true. The thing about it is, you can’t let your ghosts keep you from living, right? If you do a thing like that, you’ll be stuck to one spot for your whole life. Hell, you’ll be a ghost yourself before you ever get the chance to live at all.”

Joshua nodded absently, his mind thinking hard on what Andrew had just said. It seemed like there was something to it, as hard as it was to admit. In some ways his life had stopped moving forward in those early morning hours when poor sweet Cali had been found face up in the swimming hole. What would it be like to just be somewhere else? Somewhere where every place he looked at didn’t remind him of the baby sister that would never age? He might even be able to meet a girl of his own, maybe even start a family. He knew that was going to be difficult if he stayed in Charlotte.

He wasn’t a fan of the idea of an arranged mate and so his parents hadn’t tried to force him down that path, but he also didn’t know how he was going to make any of the girls in town someone he could actually be with. In some ways, most of them felt a lot like family, but even that he knew could change at the drop of a hat. He had seen it happen more than once.

 The real killer was that when the people in Charlotte looked at him, they saw tragedy. They felt sorry for him and he would never be able to know for sure whether someone was with him for him, or whether it was because they felt sorry for him. If there was one thing Joshua hated, it was being pitied. That would all change if they just left. He would finally have the anonymity he needed to start a real life, to find a girl and maybe settle down.

But then he thought of his poor, aging parents and how they would be all alone the moment he left. He thought about how even now, they were at the house setting out plates for a family dinner that included both him and Andrew. Where would they be if both men left? They would be alone, and that was a guilt Joshua wasn’t sure he could shoulder. He sighed, looking in Andrew’s direction and seeing nothing but frustration and disappointment.

“Come on man, we’ll figure something out, I swear we will. But right now, it’s time to go, ok? Mom’s bound to have dinner ready, and I don’t want to keep them sitting there all alone. It makes my heart hurt, thinking about a thing like that.”

“I know, you’re right. Let’s go, brother. But if you think this is one of those things we’re going to drop for now and then I’ll just forget it, you’re wrong. I’m serious about this one. Deadly serious. You hear me?”

“Yep, I hear you. Now let’s go.”

They got out of the water and Joshua could already feel the air changing, the little lick of cool that signaled the end of warm weather and impending winter. He didn’t even feel like having dinner now. He only felt very, very tired. The idea of winter didn’t make it any better, either. Everything was about to get so cold, so confining, and he wasn’t sure they would all make it through another harsh winter with things going the way they were.