The Bear’s Mail Order Menage

Chapter 5

The way things were going, well it wasn’t exactly what Joshua had been expecting. He knew that if he knew anything at all. This hadn’t even been his plan, for christ’s sake! He had only been going along with what Andrew wanted to do, just to make his restless brother happy. Left to his own devices, he would never in a million years have entered into an arrangement like the one he currently found himself in with Andrew and Alina. Alina, the woman he should never have even met but now couldn’t seem to stop thinking about.

She had been been in town for close to six months now and they had been the strangest six months of Joshua’s life. Being a shifter and coming from the strange, isolated town of Charlotte, that was saying a whole lot. Before Alina had arrived in their town, Joshua had thought he was immune to the surprises life wanted to hand a person, that everything he had been through and the things he was that most others did not even believe in, were enough to make him world wise and weary.

With the arrival of this odd, beautiful girl, however, he was made uncomfortably aware of just how wrong he had been. It was amazing the way one person could flip your whole world upside down.

“Joshua? Where’d you go just now? It’s like one minute you were here and the next, just gone.”

“Sorry, ma. You know how I am.”

“You’re right,” she said with scrutinizing eyes, “I do. That’s how I know something is going on with you. This isn’t your standard head in the clouds situation. I can see that something is weighing on you. Can’t you tell me what’s going on? I would like to help you if I can. I’m still your mother, after all.”

“I know, of course you are. And you’re a very good one at that.”

“Then why don’t you tell me what’s weighing on you? I’d like to help, if I can.”

It wasn’t that he didn’t trust her, it was just that it was difficult to talk about. He wasn’t even sure what was going on, so how in the hell was he supposed to talk to her about it? It seemed impossible. And then there was the fact that she had warned him months ago, when Alina had first arrived, that things would get messy between the three of them.

He just wasn’t ready to admit that she had been absolutely correct. Unfortunately, he didn’t even have to speak the words to her. Before he said anything at all, she gave him a knowing look that told him she saw more than she was letting on.

“It’s the girl, isn’t it? Joshua? It’s that girl, Alina. Things have become more complicated between the three of you than you expected them to.”

“Sh*t. Yes, that pretty much sums it up. You were right, ok? It got messy, and faster than I ever could have anticipated. It’s all such a jumble now.”

“Who is the complication coming from?”

“What do you mean?” he said with a frown. He had worked pretty hard on not finding a person to place any kind of blame on in this situation and now here she was, asking him to do that very thing. It wasn’t something he really felt like answering because he had a sinking suspicion that the complication was coming only from him.

“I mean, sweetheart, that if things have become messy, one of you must have become more emotionally attached than was ideal. At least one of you. I was just curious which one of you it might be.”

“Honestly? It’s me. I never thought it would be, either, but it’s me. I wish I didn’t have to say that, but it’s true.”

“Oh sweet boy, I’m not surprised.”

“Really? Do you think I’m that weak?”

“No, no not at all! It’s got nothing to do with being weak. I’m not surprised because you’re a man with a big heart. Shy, yes. Reserved to the point where I sometimes worry that you will become bitter, yes. It just doesn’t surprise me that you would find a place for her in your heart. I just worry that you’ll get hurt. I don’t want to see you get hurt again.”

“Mom, everyone gets hurt at some point, right? It seems to me like trying to avoid that is the same thing as trying to avoid life entirely. And I don’t want to do that. I feel like I’ve been doing that ever since Cali died. I don’t want to do it anymore. It feels like it’s killing me.”

He saw his mother wince at the mention of his sister’s name. Part of him regretted mentioning her at all, but on the other hand, she was his sister. Losing her had affected him, not just his mother and father. It had changed his whole life and not being allowed to talk about it had only made things worse for him.

He wasn’t even trying to have a conversation about it at this point. There wasn’t any reason for that and he knew it would just break his mother’s heart. He just needed her to understand where he was coming from and why he didn’t want to just lock himself away inside of himself where nobody would ever be able to reach him.

“Well, I would never want you to do that. I want the best things for you, son, even if it means you leaving town for good. I want you to have a life and I want it to be one you’re pleased with. I just want you to be careful.”

“I know. I’m trying.”

“And where does Andrew fit in all of this?”

Oh man, he was wondering when Andrew was going to come up. He was the Peters’ adopted son and their mother was just as protective of him as her natural born son. It made sense that she would want to see where he factored into this whole thing. There was no way she was going to sit idly by and watch as he got his heart broken. Even if that scenario seemed completely unlikely.

“Joshua? What about your brother?”

“I don’t know, ok? That’s part of the problem. It’s driving me crazy thinking about it, going over different scenarios in my head and trying to figure out what would be best for all of us. I have no idea how he feels about Alina and I have no idea how she feels about him, or me, for that matter. Mom, I barely know how I feel about her. That’s why it’s complicated, I guess.”

“These things always are. What are you going to do about it?”

“I don’t know. What should I do? What do you think I should do, ma?”

“Oh honey,” she said with a smile that was somehow sad, “I can’t answer that for you. Nobody can. Nobody can make a decision like that for another being, no matter how tempted they might be. You’ve got to figure this thing out on your own. There aren’t any easy answers. Not with this sort of situation.”