The Bear’s Mail Order Menage

She could see that he wasn’t sure whether or not to speak once again, but this time it seemed to be out of fear. There was something he wasn’t sure he could tell her. What he didn’t understand was that he was slowly creeping into her heart and she very much doubted that there was anything he could say that would remove that presence.

“Joshua, you know you can tell me, don’t you? You’ve been kinder than I had any right to expect and I can’t think of a thing you could tell me that would change the gratitude I feel for you. You don’t have to tell me anything at all, but I want you to know that you can. You always can.”

“It’s just not that simple, Alina. I wish it was. I should have thought this through, thought about how this would come up before we even brought you here. Now that you’re here? I’m not sure how to handle it.”

Alina was startled by Joshua’s lashing out, actually punching the trunk of a tree they were standing near and then making his way down to the water’s edge, sitting perched on a wide rock she had the feeling he had sat on before. This was behavior she would have expected from Andrew. It wouldn’t have caused her to bat an eye.

Emotional outbursts were right in his wheelhouse, after all. But Joshua was different. She had come to think of him as her gentle giant, steadfast and strong and sweet. If he was agitated enough to risk breaking his hand to keep from speaking, the weight on his shoulders must be very great.

She made her way gently down to the water and sat beside Joshua quietly, placing a tentative hand on his leg. He winced, and at first she thought that he was going to shrug her off, but then he took her hand and squeezed it so hard it almost hurt. He rested her head on his shoulder then, settling in. She wanted to let him know with more than just her words that she wasn’t going anywhere. No matter what. Finally, after several moments that felt like forever, he spoke.

“It’s me. It’s us, the people in this village. We aren’t exactly what we appear to be.”

“Oh really? You know, I suspected that. I’ve thought that might be true for a little while now.”

“You did? But how?”

“Because,” Alina laughed, “I pay attention to what’s around me. I think people would see much more of the oddities of the lives going on around them if they just closed their mouths and opened their eyes. That’s what I’ve always tried to do. Close my mouth.”

“God, you’re just full of surprises, aren’t you? But even so, even though you’ve noticed more than I gave you credit for, that doesn’t really tell you everything, does it? It doesn’t tell you what I really am. What all of us are.”

“Will you tell me? Do you trust me enough?”

He thought about it and for a minute, it looked like he was going to say no. Alina was surprised by how sad that made her. She didn’t realize how badly she wanted to know him, really know him, until she thought she might never get the chance. But then his eyes softened and she knew that he was going to open himself up, even if for only a small window of time.

“No, I won’t tell you. But I would like to show you, if that’s alright.”

“Show me?”

But he was already standing, not looking at her anymore but instead gazing off at something only he could see. As she watched, his body began to change, to transform in a way she had never known was actually possible. It unfolded somehow, each limb growing and growing beyond her comprehension and filling out into the form of some other animal entirely. What was standing before her now was a bear, the largest bear she had ever seen. A different kind of girl would be, quite frankly, terrified.

She would have been terrified just to find herself in a staring contest with a bear, not to mention that this particular bear was only moments ago a man she had been intimate with. She should have been up and running in the opposite direction but instead she stood slowly, walking to the bear that was also Joshua.

The bear did not move, but stood like a statue as she approached and ran her hand along his thick, rich coat. He looked up at her with deep eyes full of a sacred tenderness she had never experienced before and something inside of her shifted. She kissed the top of his shaggy head and knelt in front of him, tears springing into her eyes. This was the most spiritual she had ever felt, alone in the woods by the still water in the chilly air. He had told her something real and for now, that was all she needed. The most amazing part about it was that she could read the look in his eyes and it was telling her that he felt the exact same way.