That Forbidden Love

Jazmyn hadn’t needed an intervention to realize just how crazy and different she was acting. She’d sworn never to mope over any man after her relationship with Matt had ended terribly three years ago.

The breakup had left her a shell of herself and months after moving on, she’d known enough to never descend to such a miserable level over anyone again.

The realization that she was once more repeating a pattern she greatly abhorred had spurred her into action. She’d proceeded to throw herself into a whirlwind of activities in the quest to obliterate him from the confines of her mind.

Almost like an exorcism of some sort. With the Swedish Indie Festival a few days away, she’d spent every available time she could get away from band rehearsals with the children at the foster home, teaching and helping out in preparation for their art and craft exhibition in two weeks.

The kids had been lovely as always but they hadn’t proved enough distraction nor eliminated the memory of Zack nor the earth staggering kiss they’d shared. Even right there, she could still feel the smooth brush of his lips on hers, and the gentle firmness of his hands palming her ass.

Closing her eyes shut, Jazmyn tried to banish the torturous memories from rolling in but it was futile. His scent lingered stubbornly on her mind. Intoxicating and permeating.

In the course of the week since their date, she’d learnt she wasn’t exactly untouchable or immune to feeling profoundly. The walls surrounding her heart weren’t completely impregnable as she’d thought.

In those few hours sitting across from him at the restaurant and being held in his arms on the dance floor, she’d felt something give way. Something that now made her crave something more than just a dinner date, or a deeply passionate kiss.

Something meaningful.

“Hey, Jaz. You about done?” Isaac reappeared beside her suddenly, yanking her away from the tumultuous thoughts and back to safety. “Jean-Pierre wants us to come back in. I think there’s been a change of plans with the timing.”

“Yeah, I’m done?” Jazmyn got off the barstool and left her bill underneath the empty shot glass, following after Isaac.

“Are you really, okay? I didn’t ask earlier because having one Jean-Pierre is enough. I didn’t think you’d appreciate another.”

“I’m fine like I said earlier.” Jazmyn shook her head exasperatedly. “Am I such an open book that y’all read me so freely?”

Isaac gave her the are-you-kidding-me eyes and chuckled. “You, my dear, need to work on your poker face. You are more than an open book. Perhaps the whole damned library.”

That is so untrue,” she groaned, but silently wondered if there really was any truth to it. She’d always prided herself on the ability to hide her emotions and expressions. But lately, it seemed she was losing even that.

The remainder of rehearsal that evening and through to the next day passed in a blur of improvisation, refining techniques and running through the songs they were performing in a few short hours. Jazmyn’s thoughts were still in a riotous mess by the time the band was called on stage later to perform.

While they tested the instruments and waited for their cue, she went through a moment of self-assessment, putting all the bothersome, disconcerting thoughts aside to concentrate on delivering an outstanding performance.

And she did. The thunderous applause resounding in the huge auditorium following their number washed over her, ushering a certain level of calmness and clarity. This was her forte and safe place.

Unlike people, this would never leave, change or reject her because it dwelled inside. It would live forever.

Arriving at New Orleans the next morning, Jazmyn felt way better than she had felt since the night of the dinner date with Zack. She’d decided to stow all thoughts of him in an archive somewhere in her mind and move on with her life.

After all, they’d only spent one evening together, and one kiss which had felt like heaven but shouldn’t be enough cause for emotional distress.

Somehow, it wasn’t entirely Zack’s fault. She was and had always been an overthinking romantic underneath the free-spirited, devil-may-care attitude. She’d found someone who ticked all the good boxes and had abandoned all caution, projecting a need buried deep inside.

A need to belong, to be accepted, cared for and loved with the intensity at which did all of those things. Regardless, if there was one thing she knew how to do expertly, it was moving on. She’d done that with shaky tears and courage throughout her younger years.

Valiantly getting ready with her things packed up in a duffel bag, little to no expectations and waiting to go on with the next available foster family willing to take her.

Rinse and repeat.

In recent times she did it with her one-night stands and flings but without the tears of her childhood or fear. Sneaking out of hotel rooms and houses before the crack of dawn to avoid complications or avenues for other ideas to take root.

Forgetting Zack wouldn’t be rocket science or an unachievable feat. After a while, he’d just be nothing but a distant memory. The one that got away.

Even though her mind was made up, she felt a tight vice squeezing her heart and bit back the feeling of loss that assailed her. It was for the best. It was necessary.

She didn’t need anyone’s approval or acceptance anymore. She hadn’t needed that for a while now and she was doing pretty good.

Rather than go straight home from the airport, Jazmyn took a detour to the grocery store to pick up a few items, most especially her lavender and chamomile bath bomb.

She hadn’t slept a wink last night or on the plane ride and intended to soak up in the bathtub for a while, before dragging her tired ass to bed or a long nap. A nap always did wonders for her state of mind. The perfect reset button she’d ever needed.

She’d barely got into the apartment an hour later when the telephone began to ring. Brianna was always right on time. Sometimes she suspected her best friend owned a crystal ball that monitored her every movement.

She’d been the first to call the moment Jazmyn had touched down Copenhagen and right after their performance to know why the YouTube videos hadn’t been uploaded yet. Even the band’s agent, Madeline wasn’t as prompt with the call as Brianna was.

“Bri, it’s either you own a crystal ball, or have a tracking chip implanted in me, which is it?”

“Hello, Jazmyn.”

Everything inside Jazmyn froze almost instantly at the familiar sound of the husky, syrupy voice she hadn’t expected to hear ever again. The same voice she’d been yearning and hoping to hear for a whole week but didn’t. And right then only felt everything and nothing but indifference about.

Taking a deep, calming breath, she cleared her throat and spoke in the crispiest, most polite tone she could muster. “Hello, Zack. How are you?”