Saving Her Billionaire

Chapter 3

“I don’t know what to do,” said Phoebe to her best friend and roommate Stephanie. “I’m being so irrational. Don’t you think I’m being irrational?”

“Irrational isn’t the word I would use right now,” said Stephanie. “You are over thinking, yes, but this is your life after all. How are you not supposed to over think about that? It’s better than the opposite, not thinking about this so much.”

Phoebe was pacing. She was extremely anxious. Her dissatisfaction with her job was getting really serious, to the point where she was not quite sure if she would be able to continue doing it or not. She did not want to abandon all of the people that depended on her expertise as a counselor, did not want them to have to go and find someone else to help them simply because she was having a crisis.

She felt like this was just typical behavior for her, and this was what scared her at the end of the day. She felt like she was being irrational, and if there was one thing that Phoebe was extremely afraid of it was being irrational.

Stephanie was sitting on the bed, a pillow in her lap, watching her friend pace with a bemused expression. Phoebe loved Stephanie with all her heart. She had been friends with her ever since her first year at college. Stephanie had been one of the few people that had supported Phoebe throughout her panicked attempts at finding a major that was right for her. She had never told her that she should stick with something that she wasn’t happy studying, and she never told her that she was acting irrationally. She always had a way of making Phoebe feel like what she was feeling was completely and utterly valid, and if there was one thing that Phoebe sorely needed right now it was her friend’s calming influence.

“What should I do?” said Phoebe. “I’m over thinking, you are right, but what can I possibly do about it? How can I possibly stop feeling this way? It’s not easy, you know, to just stop thinking so much. I’ve been thinking and thinking and thinking for eight years now. I didn’t think life would be so hard. How do people do it, Steph? How do they do it? How do they study something and then stick with that field for the rest of their lives? Why can’t I do it? I’ve been a counselor for a year now, a year. A year isn’t all that long. In fact, I’d say it’s not a very long time at all. It’s the amount of time it takes for someone to become settled in their job and start working towards building a career out of it. That is normal, that is how everyone else behaves. That is what life is supposed to be like. How do I do that, Steph? How can I possibly do that when in the amount of time it takes for someone to get settled into their career, I end up realizing, yet again, that the field I have chosen is the wrong one?”

Stephanie got up, walked to Phoebe and hugged her tight. She held her for a moment. Phoebe wrapped her arms around her friend and breathed deeply. She breathed in Stephanie’s scent and it calmed her. Phoebe had often been attracted to Stephanie but she had never had the courage to speak up about it. Besides, their relationship had changed so much in recent times. It had become utterly platonic. Still, Phoebe often calmed herself by thinking of what Stephanie smelled like. It was a very sweet smell, a smell like flowers in the summer, a kind of fertile and fresh smell that made her feel like everything in the world was going to be alright no matter how wrong it was.

Phoebe’s breathing evened out and she let out a deep sigh. She loved her friend in that moment. She loved how she had managed to calm her down by simply wrapping her arms around her. She loved how willing she was to give away her love.

“Thanks,” said Phoebe with an embarrassed smile. “I’m sorry I started rambling I just… I’m so worried, you know?”

“Of course you are,” said Stephanie. “Of course you are, Phoebe. This is your career. It’s how you are going to support yourself for the rest of your life. It’s how you are going to attach meaning to your life. It’s what you will look back on and smile or cry depending on how it went. Your career is an incredibly important part of your life. You need to have a career that matters to you, a career that allows you to use the skills that you want to use. However, one piece of advice that I would give you is that you should stop looking at a career as your only source of happiness.”

“What do you mean?” asked Phoebe, truly nonplussed. “I should stop looking at a career as my only source of happiness? It is what I am going to dedicate my life to, you know. It is the thing that I’m going to do for the rest of my life, it’s what people are going to associate me with after I die. How can I not derive happiness from the very thing that will live on after I die? That’s why I want a good career you know, so that people have something to remember me by. As a counselor I have the ability to help people, to make them feel like they can be who they want to be. I can truly help people to become normal again, to get past trauma. These are the people that are going to remember me when I am gone, you know, this career is how I’m going to continue living after my body is gone. That’s why I’m worried, because if not this then what? I need a career that would allow me to live on after I die.”

“Therein lies your problem,” said Stephanie. “You look at your career as this thing that would allow you to live on after you die. You look at it as some kind of talisman that would grant you immortality. I don’t blame you in the slightest. I mean, who wouldn’t want to live on after they die? It’s why we do everything that we do, isn’t it? I don’t think you should focus entirely on your career, however. That’s not healthy. There are plenty of other ways in which you can ensure that you live on after you die, plenty of ways that are a lot healthier and would not end up giving you such a great amount of stress all of the time.”

“What?” asked Phoebe. “What could possibly allow me to be who I am and help people? What in this world could possibly allow me to have a purpose in life? I mean, a career is something I can dedicate my life to. I can be somebody with the right career. What else am I going to derive meaning from? Reading a book after coming home from working all day at a job I hate? Is that what life has in store for me, really? I don’t think I would be happy like that.”

“There is something that you can use to give your life meaning,” said Stephanie. “Love.”

“Love?” said Phoebe, and then started to laugh. It was a rather hysterical laugh.