He was starting to remember what it was like to feel attraction towards a woman because of the woman herself rather than his misplaced desire to escape from what he was feeling.
He brought her home and kissed her passionately.
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It simply wouldn’t be polite to kick her out like this, it probably would not make her feel very good at all. He wanted her to feel comfortable, after all. Even though he was utterly depressed right now, he did not want to harm a fellow human being. Even though this girl was a reminder of the mistake he had just made, he did not want to simply kick her out and force her to have to deal with an undoubtedly embarrassing situation.
She was a sweet girl. She had not been doing this for money. On the contrary, she seemed to genuinely like Robert. However, he was sure that she would not be able to give him what he wanted because what he truly wanted right now was his wife.
He decided to cuddle with her for a little while. She deserved it. As a human being that had, for a moment at least, accepted Robert for who he was, she deserved to feel loved after doing something so intimate with him.
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*****
It had been six months since his wife’s first death anniversary and Robert was starting to feel a lot better. He was starting to realize that the way he had been behaving had been utterly unacceptable, and that he had hurt a lot of people in the process.
After all, he had ignored a girl that he had just had incredibly passionate s*x with. He had made her feel like she was not worth anything to him after he was done fu*king her. This was not the case at all, Robert had thought that he had had a connection with her. It wasn’t until after he had had s*x with her that he had realized that he had only wanted to have s*x with her because she had reminded him of his wife. That was not right. He should not be with anyone because they reminded him of his wife. His wife could not be replaced.
He had started to think of healthier ways to remember his wife, and decided that the world needed to know how he felt. The world needed to know that Robert had loved his wife with all his heart, that he had felt truly and genuinely about her and that he still remembered her after she was gone. He talked to his therapist and together they came up with an idea.
They thought of writing a series of essays about Marie, a biography as it were. The only problem was that Robert had never been much of a writer. He had never really had any interest in it, and he knew that if he tried now the end result would be absolutely awful and nobody would ever read it.