Robert, Her Billionaire Widower

“So I got your book,” said Robert. “A couple of months ago. I… really liked it.”

“Did you?” said Vanessa. She couldn’t believe it but Robert’s opinion on her book really mattered to her. It really mattered to her because it meant that it had actually managed to help him. It had been the thing that had helped him out of his depression, she was sure of it now.

“Did it help you?” she asked, just to make sure.

“Oh yes,” he said, “very much so. It helped me more than anything else did. I read it… there she was. Marie. One last time, all mine. I could let her go after that. It wasn’t easy, of course, nothing ever is. I went to a therapist and had her counsel me a lot, and eventually I realized that I was able to let her go because I had just needed that one last moment with her, that one last acknowledgment that what I had had with her had been completely real. I needed affirmation, I guess, that what I had felt had actually existed, because it had started to feel to me that it didn’t exist.”

“I’m so glad that it helped you,” said Vanessa. “I’m so glad that you’re better now.”

“I wanted to talk to you,” said Robert, “do you have a minute?”

“I do,” said Vanessa, taking off her gloves and heading into her ground floor apartment.

They sat down at the table in the kitchen and Vanessa poured him juice. He sipped it and said, “I’m really sorry for what I did. It’s absolutely inexcusable. I know that sorry won’t make it any better at all. I know that even saying that right now is doing such a disservice to all that you have given me, to all that you have made me feel, but that doesn’t change the fact that I am extremely sorry. If you would allow me to, I would like to explain what I felt that day, and why I ended up freaking out the way I had. If you don’t want to hear it I will understand, I will leave and I will never contact you again.”

“I want to hear it,” said Vanessa. “I want to hear it. Tell me.”

“Alright,” said Robert. “When I looked at you when you woke up… I felt something. Something I hadn’t felt in a long time. And this concerned me because I had not been ready to feel this way, not yet at least. I had been expecting to get to the point where I would be able to feel this way soon, but not so soon. I had thought that maybe… well that’s not really important. I just… when I felt what I felt when I looked at you, I tried to get over that feeling of panic. But that feeling was there. I realized that I was not any better at all. I am the same mess that I have always been. I am the same mess that I have been trying to get rid of for almost two years now and… I wanted you to be safe from that. I know that it was wrong of me to make that decision for you. I know that it was wrong of me to think that you would not be able to handle something that you are clearly able to handle. But at the end of the day, I did what I did because I care about you and I didn’t want to see you hurt.”

“What was it?” asked Vanessa. “What did you feel? Like what made you feel so panicky and distressed?”

“I…” said Robert. He looked to the ground. He looked like he was about to say something extremely difficult, something that he had been hoping he would not have to say but he was going to say it anyway.

“I realized that I love you,” said Robert. “And just… the last person that I loved had been Marie and I did not love her anymore. You were the one that I loved in that moment and it was the first time that ever happened. And instead of making me happy that just made me so sad, because I felt like I had lost something. And so, I just… I couldn’t bear the thought of you being with me when the thought of loving you made me so sad, when all I could think while loving you was the fact that I did not love my wife anymore.”

“You… loved me?” said Vanessa.

“I love you,” said Robert. “Present tense. And just… I don’t feel that way anymore. I don’t feel sad when I think about how much I love you because I miss the love I felt for Marie. I feel sad because I feel like I have lost my chance to love you, that even trying to love you now would be putting you in a situation that you probably would rather not have to deal with.”