Robert, Her Billionaire Widower

Chapter 12

Vanessa had no idea what had just happened. Her mind was a blur. One minute everything had been absolutely perfect and then the next… it was like something had changed within Robert at the flip of a switch, it was as if he just suddenly realized that he could not do what he had been so willing to do and this unsettled Vanessa to no end. After all, how could anyone be so into it and then suddenly not care? That was not how s*x worked, that was not how intimacy worked, that was not how any of this worked.

She was completely and utterly frustrated, but more than that she was sad. She was sad because, in her foolishness, she had started to believe that Robert genuinely felt something for her. She had started to think that maybe there was hope after all, that she could feel love towards someone and be loved in return and have it not end badly. She felt that maybe there was a chance for her to live that dream of hers, that dream in which she was loved unconditionally and made to feel like she deserved every bit of the love that she felt. She wanted that. She wanted it so bad, and she had gotten so close to getting it but it had been snatched from her fingertips by someone that wasn’t even alive anymore.

Vanessa got home and angrily wiped the tears from her face. She checked her phone and to her surprise saw several missed calls from Robert, and a few texts saying that he needed to talk to her, that it was important. Vanessa did not know how to respond to this. She did not know how she would be able to talk to him now after he had so callously done what he had done.

She wanted to hate him but she couldn’t. She wanted to hate him for what he had done to her, for how pathetic and worthless he had made her feel, but she simply couldn’t bring herself to hate him. All she felt for him was love even still, all she felt was this desire to see him happy, this desire to see him enjoy his life, this desire to see him get rid of the ghost of his dead wife that was haunting him and preventing him from being with someone that he clearly wanted to be with.

Even after what he had just done to her, Vanessa still loved him and she hated herself for this. She wanted it to stop, but she did not know how she could possibly stop feeling this way. She did not know how she could stop feeling like she was trapped in this pit, this pit that was forcing her to feel things that she did not want to feel anymore.

She felt nauseous. She wanted to throw up so she did and she felt better afterwards, but it was not how one generally wants to feel better. She felt better in that she didn’t feel so angry or anxious anymore, but in the vacuum that these two feelings left, she started to feel like she was drowning, because the empty space was filled with immense sorrow.

She started to cry like she had never cried before. She couldn’t breathe, she cried so hard. She could barely think straight because of how hard she was crying, it was truly a pathetic sight and she was glad that no one could see her right now because she did not think that she would be able to face anybody, she did not think she had it in her to even think about meeting someone right now. She wanted to get under her covers and sleep forever, so she turned off all of the lights and got under her quilt.

She continued to weep. She couldn’t stop. It was like there was a pipe that was leaking inside of her, a pipe that she did not know how to fix. She wanted to fix herself. She wanted to stop feeling so dependent on someone’s love and affection. She wanted to stop feeling like the only way she was worth anything was if the person she loved felt like she was worth anything. She wanted to get over this phase in her life, she wanted to grow up, but, as all adults know, life is not that simple. You can’t simply want something and get it immediately. Life didn’t work that way. You needed to work on it, to put effort into it, and Vanessa really wanted to do that, she just didn’t know where to start. She didn’t know how she could even take the first steps towards growing out of this phase of emotional immaturity.

She didn’t want to think about that anymore, so she stopped. She let the grief come in, she let the sadness consume her until it was all that was left inside of her. It was the only thing that was left and she didn’t want it to go because it helped her to stop thinking so much. It helped her to feel like she had a purpose, even though that purpose was something as pathetic as feeling sad. It helped her to feel like she had something to do, something that would distract her from the thought that she had, yet again, loved the wrong person. She had, once again, allowed herself to feel something for someone that had done nothing in return except break her heart. Time and time again this had happened, and time and time again Vanessa had said to herself that she would never allow her heart to be broken like this ever again. However, time and time again she proved herself wrong and allowed herself to get into a situation that broke her heart, and she did not think that she could take it anymore.

*****

It had been a week since she had left Robert’s place, furious at what he had said to her, sad at the fact the she had gotten her heart broken for the third time. She was shocked to realize that she missed Robert. After all he had done for her, after everything he had said, she still missed him.

She had not called him back that day. She had not wanted to speak to him. However, she was a little surprised by the fact that he did not try to call her or text her after that. He did not attempt to contact her in any way in fact, and she had not really thought all that much of it until now. She was starting to get a little worried. Robert was the kind of person that would try to resolve things. He was not the kind of person that would avoid conflict in any way. She was surprised that he hadn’t called because he had tried to apologize before disappearing. This concerned her because if he had wanted to disappear he would’ve done it immediately, or at least that was what she thought based on what she would have done. Robert was different, of course, but in her frayed state of mind Vanessa could not think of him like that, she could not put herself in his shoes, all she could do was think of how she would have reacted to a certain situation and simply assume that Robert would have reacted the same way.

She tried calling him but he did not answer. This worried her even more. She didn’t know what was wrong. She called him again and realized that the tone she was hearing wasn’t even a dial tone, it was the tone that you listened to when the phone that you are trying to contact had been disconnected. After a few seconds of listening to the tone, she heard a message that confirmed that Robert had, indeed, disconnected his phone.