Robert, Her Billionaire Widower

Chapter 11

The next morning, Vanessa woke up smiling. She looked next to her and saw that Robert was already awake. He smiled at her and said, “Good morning. Did you sleep well?”

“Like a baby,” said Vanessa. “I haven’t slept like that in a very long time. Did you?”

“Yes,” said Robert. “I don’t think that I have slept this well in… months. I don’t think I have slept this well since… well, you know.”

Vanessa kissed Robert on the forehead and he returned it with a kiss on her lips. She felt so satisfied right now, as if nothing in the world mattered except being in this bed with the man that she was falling for.

She wanted to say it. She wanted to tell him what was going through her head, the three words she was thinking of but was so afraid to say because she did not know if she would hear them back. She saw that Robert appeared to be struggling with something too. She wondered what it was. Was he thinking the same thing that Vanessa was?

“How about I make us some breakfast?” asked Robert. “It’s a beautiful day. We could eat it out in the garden, does that sound good?”

“That sounds absolutely wonderful,” said Vanessa. “I’d like that very much. I’ll help you make it.”

“No, you lie down,” said Robert, kissing Vanessa on the forehead. “Lie down and relax, let me handle it. I can make it for you, don’t worry about it. Just let me spoil you right now, I really want to. I just… last night was really amazing. We were drunk but I was still aware of everything that was going on and so were you I think. I think we connected on a very deep level and that is not something that everyone is able to do. So let me spoil you. Let me treat you like you are supposed to be treated, the way you deserve to be treated.”

Vanessa smiled and settled back down. “Alright,” she said, “that sounds lovely. Thank you so much. I was aware last night too, I remember everything. It was absolutely incredible, I’m so glad that it happened. I… I have never felt so good after s*x. I mean, I’ve never felt so connected with the person that I just had s*x with if you know what I mean. It was lovely. It was… perfect. And I know that that is a very heavy word, but I need you to understand that I’m not saying it lightly. Last night really was perfect. It was everything… I mean… I had never really thought that it could be as good as it was last night, do you know what I mean?”

“I know,” said Robert, smiling at her with his face so close to her that she could feel his breath. It was a very intimate thing, that smile. It was one of the most intimate things she had ever experienced, to have someone smile at her in such a way. She kissed him and he got up and went to make breakfast.

She didn’t know what to say. She had never felt this way before, never felt so utterly happy, so utterly content. She had never felt like the world was working in her favor before, but that was exactly what she felt right now. She felt like everything in her life had been leading up to this moment, the moment where she had finally experienced a moment of complete intimacy with the man that she had been falling for for so long. She was starting to realize that it had all been worth it. All of it, every second of it had been worth it because it had lead to this moment. It had led to her finally being able to express herself physically. She had not been able to say it yet but there would be time for that later. She would be able to tell him how she felt using words later on, and perhaps it would be more potent because of how it would be even more intimate and intense due to the fact that they had experienced such an intense physical connection so many times before.

She couldn’t wait for that moment. She couldn’t wait for the moment when she would finally be able to say those words to him, and she was glad that she wouldn’t just be saying them to anybody. She had a feeling that Robert was the right person to say them to. She had a feeling that in making herself so utterly vulnerable and saying something that meant so much she would be putting herself at risk, but only if she said it to anyone other than Robert.

She had said it so many times before. She had said it to so many different people. The first time she had ever said it she hadn’t even said it on her own, she had just been saying it back to Jake, her first boyfriend. He had said it to her during a very emotional moment and Vanessa had been taken aback by it. She had not been expecting it at all, but now that he had said it she figured that it wouldn’t be right if she didn’t say it back. She didn’t want to be cruel, she could tell that if she did not say it back it would really hurt his feelings. She really regretted doing that. She really regretted wasting the first time she had ever said those three beautiful words to somebody on pretense and the feeling of obligation towards somebody. She knew that she could never get that first time back again, that she would always have to settle for saying it to somebody with the knowledge that the first time had been wasted.

She had never said it to Jake on her own. She had never wanted to say it simply because she didn’t love him. She had liked him a lot, truly she had, but at the end of the day love is something important. It is different from liking someone a lot. It is the kind of thing that you feel when your soul has become completely and utterly consumed by someone, or at least when the things that you don’t like about them start to matter less because the things you like about them are starting to become so prominent.

She wanted to be able to say it while feeling it. The first time she had really felt it had been with Gautam, her third boyfriend. He had been so intense with her, he had written her songs and poetry and painted her in the nude and done so many things that she had never experienced before. How could she not have loved him? How could she have received so many extravagant gestures of love and not loved him intensely for it?

She regretted saying it to him too, simply because he had gotten so emotionally abusive later on in their relationship. She was honestly a little embarrassed by the fact that she had loved him at all. She felt like it made her a doormat almost, as it if meant that she did not have any sense of self worth. She had felt this way for a long time. However, recently she had started to come to terms with it. She had started to realize that all of the things he had done for her had made her love him, and that when he had started being abusive towards her she had stopped loving him and she had stopped saying it. This had angered Gautam, of course, he was very emotionally needy and he always wanted her to say it to him whether she was feeling it or not, but at the end of the day there was nothing he could really do about it.