Robert, Her Billionaire Widower

“What about after Leo?” asked Robert. “Did you get into a good relationship then?”

“More or less,” said Vanessa. “I got into a relationship with Gautam, who was an exchange student from India. He was a brilliant artist and a musician too. I think I liked how artsy he was because it was so different from anything I had ever experienced before, as my previous two relationships had been with jocks as you already know. He was amazing at first. He wrote me songs, poetry, he painted me. Nude. That was fun. But eventually he started getting emotionally abusive. I think he was just a fu*ked up person. I think he just didn’t know how to exist in the world without becoming overly needy, I don’t think he knew how to be around people or with somebody without demanding every single second of their time. That’s how artists are, I guess, they’re just fu*ked up people. Still. He was one of my boyfriends, even if I regret getting together with him.”

“That’s two relationships you regret in a row,” said Robert. “I think by this point you would be kind of done with boys, right?”

“I was for a year,” said Vanessa. “I had flings and one night stands, I had s*x with girls but that was nothing but experimentation. I think that I was just trying to find myself and do something for me instead of someone else like I had been doing for so long. After a year, however, I met Liam, and this was the longest relationship of my life. Liam was wonderful. He was the kind of person that would do anything for you. I could have married him, and I would have, except it turned out that he was gay.”

“You’re kidding!” said Robert, “That is so awful. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright,” said Vanessa, “It just gives me low self esteem to think about the fact that my longest relationship ever was with a man that was simply confused about his sexual orientation. I should have known. Maybe I just didn’t pay enough attention. Anyway, that was what happened. We ended up breaking up, of course, after I found out that he was gay. He had been cheating on me with some guy. I don’t even know why he stayed with me if he knew he was gay, why he would cheat on me instead of simply explaining what was going on. I didn’t ask him because I was so hurt, and by the time I was in the sort of emotional state that would allow me to talk about it before breaking down, I had lost all means of contacting Liam. It was too late.”

“So the boyfriend after that,” said Robert, “the last boyfriend. He was a rebound, I’m assuming? You couldn’t possibly have had a serious relationship after going through something like that, how could you, it’s utterly impossible!”

“You’re right,” said Vanessa, “my next boyfriend was Eric. He was a rebound. He was really good at s*x, which was why I stuck around with him for over a year. I think I just needed to feel feminine. I needed to feel like I was desirable. Because my last boyfriend turned out to be gay, I just ended up feeling like I was not feminine enough for him, or that I was not desirable enough which was why he turned to a different s*x. This was, of course, not what it was like at all. No one turns gay for this reason. I just needed to feel like I was desirable and with Eric it was purely physical which I really liked.”

“That’s really interesting,” said Robert. “You’re showing a great deal of self awareness. I’m really impressed by that. A lot of people wouldn’t be so self aware, they wouldn’t know what it was about them that was leading to the situations that they were getting themselves into. It’s the kind of thing that I find attractive in people. I’m really glad I know you, Vanessa.”

Vanessa was taken aback. She didn’t think he would say something like that to her. She had not been expecting him to say that he liked her in such an emotional and intimate way, but she liked it nonetheless. She liked that Robert was not closed off, that he did not hide his feelings at all. She liked that he did not feel the need to hide behind words that did not make sense in order to make himself feel like he was being masculine because Vanessa really hated it when men did that. She really hated it and she loved that Robert was not like that simply because it made him easier to love.

She kept talking after that, and Robert told her about his relationships. His history was not as sordid as Vanessa’s. His only truly emotional relationship had been with his wife. Before that it had just been one fling after another. It had just been a series of things that he did in order to keep himself s*xually satisfied.

Vanessa really enjoyed being with him in that moment. She really enjoyed feeling like she was worthy of hearing all of these things. It made her feel special. It made her feel like she was doing the right thing.

What was growing between them was nothing but love. What was growing between them was nothing but the most intense and passionate love there could be, and both of them were starting to realize it. Both of them were starting to realize that what they were feeling was not simply friendly or platonic. They were starting to realize that everything they were feeling was just a part of the first instances of love, instances that lead to them feeling like what they were experiencing was going to lead to something either terrifying or beautiful.

They did not care. The uncertainty did not matter to them. All that mattered was that what they were experiencing was so utterly satisfying in this moment. All that mattered was that, in this moment, they felt loved and accepted. They felt like what they were doing was right because it felt like what they were supposed to be doing. It felt like what they were supposed to be doing, and that was enough. That was enough, and enough was more than Vanessa ever had, and it had only lasted for Robert very briefly.