“It’s…nice.”
“Hey. I thought we were being honest and what not,” Paolo said nudging her.
“What? You don’t like it? It’s your house.”
“I don’t really care for it, no. but I don’t spend enough time here to warrant changing it.”
“I don’t understand you Paolo.”
“I know.”
*****
The problem was that he was such an accomplished liar that when he spoke she found herself drowning in his words, unsure if the lifelines he threw her were fact or fiction.
“You were beautiful,” he said. This was fact.
“You were intelligent,” he said. Also true.
“You make me feel safe,” he said. Technically true she guessed, though she didn’t understand it.
“When it’s all over you’ll be free of me,” he said. Actions belie his words. He was with her every night, he didn’t stay though, because she wouldn’t let him.
“I’m really not worthy of you; but give me a chance,” he told her one night. She didn’t know. His perspective distorted the facts.
His intentions were hazy and it frustrated her. She knew what boys want: someone pretty and stupid who will do every sexual favor asked of them. She knew what men want: someone pretty and ‘innocent’ who was willing to try anything at least once.
But from what she could tell, Paolo wanted none of those things. His words distort her theories, introduce bias, and she couldn’t think straight.
*****
Before her next date with Paolo she showered five times.
“Are you wearing a new perfume?”
“No. Why?”
“You don’t smell as good as you usually do.”
*****
Paolo told her how he adored how quiet she was when they fucked, how her mewls and whimpers and gasps were like a choir.
He growled about how he wanted to scratch and bite her everywhere and leave not an inch unmolested.
And all was accompanied with a litany of words.
You are beautiful, you are intelligent, you make me feel safe, you’ll be free of me soon if that’s what you want, I’m showing you who I am, I’m not worth your love but I want it anyway, Do you still want me?, Do you think I might be the one?
Dear Cora, sweet Cora, darling Cora, my Cora, Mine.
Lies, all lies. She was not beautiful, intelligent, or anything, not anymore. His words destroyed her, left her an empty shell.
Now she doubted herself. He didn’t fit the paradigm and her world was thrown off.
And every time after he turned her into a whimpering, mewling mess and when she finally gave in he smiled and whispered. “I love you Cora.”
She thought her mind would soon shatter under the weight of all his lies.
*****
She probably shouldn’t have had that last drink, because it apparently turned her into a ten year-and and she was suggesting they play ‘two truths and a lie’.
This was what she wrote:
I have always wanted to be a writer.
I never have climbed a tree.
I once cheated on Travis Connell.
“You didn’t cheat,” Paolo slurred.
“How are you so sure?” she asked with a sly grin.
“It’s not in your nature. You value honesty too much.”
“Everybody is capable of cheating. Even me.”
“I’m still right though.”
“Yeah. You’re right.”
The regarded each other, expressions unguarded.
“Cora.”
“Paolo.”
“I want another chance.”
“We all want something.”
“Things come easy to me. Money, power, respect, women…almost all of those are effortless at this point. Don’t get me wrong, I worked hard to get what I have, but at some point, the dominoes just drop, one after the other. Yet here I am…making an effort. Do your really think that this is about petty revenge?”
“No. I don’t think that.”
“Well then, give me another chance.”
“You don’t give up do you?”
“Not when I really want something I don’t.”
“And you really want me?”
“I do.”
“I won’t ask you not to hurt me again because I know that sometimes things happen but-“
“I won’t. I won’t set out to hurt you. You’re right. Sometimes it just happens. But I won’t set out to do it.”
“Okay then.”
*****
He was suddenly very aware of Cora. Cora smelled good, like a dream sort of good. Like a possession he had always treasured that had been lost and was suddenly thrust back into his life.
He licked his lips and swallowed hard. He needed to sober up first, he told himself firmly. And they had to get things squared away good and proper; he wasn’t going through this again–damnit, the girl smelled really, really good though. The talk could wait, he thought dazedly as he started to reach for Cora. At least until he tried to get to his feet so he could touch Cora’s face. His eyes blurred as a wave of dizziness moved through him accompanying the motion broke him free of the urges of his hormones. For the moment.
“Paolo!” Cora shot him a frown, thinking he was being difficult. As if Cora didn’t have enough on her plate, trying to control herself and not jump into Paolo’s arms like some desperado, and then to put some distance between them until everything was resolved.
Her gaze flicked up to Paolo’s face, and she felt heat crawling up her cheeks.
“Please don’t,” she whispered softly, her gaze focused on Paolo’s tongue sweeping across his lower lip. He blinked. “Please,” she whispered almost humbly.
“Sorry.” He took a shallow breath, afraid if he breathed too deeply, that very good smell that was Cora would overwhelm him and his sensibilities. Paolo swallowed hard and looked up at the ceiling. “I’m really sorry. About all this. I never would have done what I did if I’d known this would happen. Everything is so fucked up now.” He just wanted to bang his head into something, anything. Cora’s too good smell was making him babble and making his pants a bit more binding than they had been.
“Are you apologizing because you mean it, or because you need my help with this, or because you want…” Cora answered sharply, because she was frustrated. She didn’t know what to do with all these feeling roiling inside her. And she knew, she just knew, she wasn’t gonna be able to contain them. Not for long.