Night By Night

Chapter 6

“Are you kidding me? Adrian, she has made you happier than that witch ever did and you are going to throw that away for what again?” Malcolm chided Adrian.

“It’s not about that,” he bemoaned. “I don’t think that I am ready for what is coming. She is a really wonderful woman and I am afraid I will hurt her if I’m not ready.”

“Okay, I feel you, but don’t do anything stupid. That woman is the best thing that has happened to you in a long time. I mean, I didn’t even get a chance to see you as much because you were always with her. Now you are running scared? Man, I love you like a brother, and I will smack you over the head too,” Malcolm threatened.

Adrian laughed. “I am not saying that I am going to end it. I would just like to make sure this is what I want.”

“Have you said any of this to her?” asked Malcolm. He walked over now to the liquor cabinet and took out a corona beer. He took a swig and then turned to face Adrian now. “Oh, your silence speaks volumes. I take it you haven’t said a thing to her at all.”

“No, I haven’t because I haven’t decided that there is anything to say.”

“But if you keep staying away, then what guarantees do you have that she will sit and wait for you?”

Adrian grew silent at this.

“Listen man, I am not saying that you have to dedicate all to this woman or any other at first glance. You have always been afraid of making commitments, and I still marvel at the fact that you even got married in the first place,” added Malcolm.

“Seriously Malcolm? You are instructing me on commitment issues?” Adrian asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes I am. The difference between you and I is I know I don’t want to settle with anyone just yet, so I hook up with girls socially. You on the other hand keep telling yourself you don’t want to, yet you are willing to sweep a woman off her feet and then back off. That’s not cool man, and I think Jennifer deserves better than that.”

Adrian got up and went to pour himself a drink that was stronger than a corona beer. “Thing is, I know that, but what am I supposed to do now?”

“Man up and finish what you started. Either you are going to be with her or you are going to be an ass and tell her it is over,” Malcolm responded with a smirk.

“Why would I be an ass if I tell her it is over?” he asked with a look of concern.

“Because we both know that is not what you want and you would only be running scared.”

Adrian always appreciated Malcolm as his friend because he was always quick to tell him the truth, and in this case he was very right. As he lay asleep in his bed that night, his thoughts were captivated by Jennifer and how soft and gentle she is, how sensitive, how beautiful. He reminisced on all they had done, all she had allowed him to feel and he cringed at the memory of a former love who had made him feel just that, only to walk away and leave him broken. His heart began to pound hard and a state of anxiety swept over him. He started to panic in fear of returning to those feelings, and in the dead of night he made a decision that seemed sensible at the time, but would not be embraced by any. When he woke up, it was with a renewed purpose and he went jogging to clear his head and steady his heart.

Later that day he went to visit Jennifer and he caught her as she was returning from an errand for her boss. “Glad I caught you,” he said to her.

She wheeled around to greet the voice that seemed distant even from so close. “Caught me for what?” she queried.

“May I see you for a moment please? This won’t take much time.”

Jennifer could tell what he wanted to say to her. “Let me guess,” she began as she folded her arms in front of her. “You have decided that you aren’t ready for whatever it is you conjured up in your head that I want.”

“It’s not just that. I am going through a lot and I think that we should take it slow,” he said slowly now.

“Slow? Any slower than you have been in the last week would render you immobile. I get that you want to deal with whatever, and I was willing to work with you, but don’t insult me with talks about taking it slow. Let me make it easy for you; turn around and walk away. The decision is no longer yours. I’m done,” she said and pushed the glass door open.

She was panting by the time she got inside, and this did not escape Zoe who was able to see them through the door. “Trouble?” she asked.

“No Zoe. Freedom,” she replied and glanced back at the door. He wasn’t standing there. An ache washed over her heart just then and she fought the stinging sensation behind her eyelids that threatened tears. “I will be alright,” she said as she lumbered off to the restroom, anxious to dry her eyes and her restore the steady beating of her heart. He already knew that he was having issues, so why did he pursue her? She cursed herself for believing that he had wanted more, and she cursed Sara too for encouraging it.

With that thought in mind, she dug around inside her bag until she found her cell phone. In a fit of rage she dialled Sara’s number and as soon as the line opened Jennifer attacked her.

“Why did I listen to you?” She barked.

“Um, what are we talking about again?” questioned a confused Sara.

“Adrian. He was just here, and would you believe what he told me, or tried to tell me rather before I cut him off?” She didn’t give Sara a chance to answer. “He was about to tell me that he needed space to be alone because he is going through stuff.”

“Maybe he is. Why didn’t you listen to what he had to say?” she asked.

“Because I already did that, a week ago. It is not just that he needs space, it is the way he is going about it. First he disappears, barely calls, doesn’t visit as much, and then he tells me he is going through stuff. I said fine, we can work around that. Then he goes missing again and now turns up with the same bullsh*t. I didn’t want to hear it!” she screamed.

“Okay you need to calm down,” said Sara.

“I am calm,” Jennifer shouted. “If I weren’t I’d slap him in the head. Next time you see a man walking up to me in a club, point me in the other direction.”

Sara laughed. “Okay, I will come over later and we can do our girl thing. Adrian need be nothing more than a distant memory.”

“That’s all he is going to be,” said Jennifer. “See you later.”

She hung up then, and observed the rising and falling of her chest; she was still angry and she lowered her head and splashed some water on her face as if that was enough to erase anything. If nothing else, she needed to be presentable when she stepped back into the office.

Zoe sprung up as she did. “Are you sure you are alright? I heard loud noises coming from the bathroom.”

“Sorry Zoe, I was on the phone. I didn’t realise I could be heard from in there. But I am fine, thanks.”

“Okay. Mr. Jacobs won’t be back for the rest of the evening so you can take off if you want to. I’ll call you if anything changes,” she offered.

“Thanks Zoe. I appreciate it,” whispered Jennifer and she really was grateful.

She grabbed her bag from the visitor’s chair she had tossed it when she had burst inside the office earlier, and stepping outside she saw a cab driver signalling to her. She waved him off, preferring to walk home instead. As she walked, images of Adrian flashed through her mind and she remembered their walks in the park, their nights cuddling and playing games at her home, splashing at each other at the beach and the regular flowers he would always leave for her. Her heart began to swell and before she could stop them, the tears cascaded down her face, threatening to make a desert of her eyes and try as she might she could not contain them. She let them fall, and she cursed him for pursuing her, and even more herself for believing she could make it work with a white man.