Love’s Gamble

“Hey!” said Ken, raising his arms as he walked up to Freema in a preemptive hug. He always sort of leaned back as he was walking towards her. It was a very sweet gesture, Freema felt. It was him making himself appear as lovable and non threatening as possible. She realized, in that moment, that he was just another human being. He was just another person that wanted to be loved, just somebody that wanted the people around him to think highly of him just like pretty much every single other person in the world, including Freema. She felt a sudden surge of love for him, something that came from a very deep place inside her. It was like nothing that she had ever felt before.

It was in this moment that Freema fell in love with Ken. She did not think of the seriousness of this until she realized it later, however, and when she would think about that it would cause problems but for now she was just happy to see Ken, happy to enjoy his wonderfully warm hugs. This was all she wanted in the world right now, and the fact that she was getting it was a privilege, she knew that for a fact.

“Are you okay?” asked Ken. He was giving her a look of concern. That look made Freema a little uncomfortable. She did not know what to say.

“Yeah,” she said. “I’m fine. I’m totally fine.”

“Okay,” said Ken. “I am just a little worried about you. You left without saying goodbye yesterday.”

Freema felt a little annoyed by that. “Well do you want me to keep you posted about my comings and goings? What, are you going to start keeping tabs on me?”

“Of course not,” said Ken, with a small frown on his face. “I would never do that.”

Freema sighed and pressed her fingers to her temples. “I’m sorry. I know, of course I know that you wouldn’t do that. I just… I’m having a really bad day, that’s all. It’s not your fault.”

Ken went behind Freema and started to massage her temples for her. This made her uncomfortable. She did not know what to make of this. She had just said something mean to this man, she had made him feel bad, and yet he was right behind her massaging her temples and doing something nice for her. Why was he like this? Did he do this on purpose to make her feel guilty?

Freema shrugged Ken off and said, “No, I’m good, really. Just come and sit down.”

“Okay,” said Ken. He came and sat down on the chair in front of Freema. There was still a little frown on his face, something that made it rather plain that he was extremely worried.

“Okay,” said Freema. “Okay. I’ll tell you what’s wrong.”

“Okay,” said Ken. He leaned forward, indicating to her that his complete and undivided attention was on her right now.

“I’m worried,” said Freema. “I’m worried about us, I’m worried about this, I’m worried about me. I do not know how to be with somebody, I’ve never been serious about somebody before. I have never… I do not know. I have never really felt like this before, you know? And I’m scared because I am the kind of person that never has any emotional attachment, never. So what if I am not able to live up to your expectations? What if I am not up to that mark? I just… I just want you to be happy, I want to make you happy, but at the same time I can’t help but feel that it is only inevitable that I let you down.”

It was only a tiny portion of the problem, but Freema could not even begin to describe all of the things that were going through her head without going crazy.

Ken cradled Freema’s face in his hands as gently as he possibly could. “Listen to me,” he said. “I do not care. I do not care about what you have or have not done. What I care about is what you feel, and I know that what you feel for me is real. I do not know if it is going to last. I do not know if we are going to last. But I want you to know that this, us, is exactly what I want. I would not want to be anywhere else, not for all of the money in the world, not for anything. I would not want to be with anyone else.”

He leaned forward and kissed Freema.

And yet, there was the nagging sensation in the back of her head. She couldn’t help but feel like she was making a mistake right now. He cared about her so much. Too much. Did she deserve it? What if she betrayed him later on? What if they didn’t work out? What if she got bored of the relationship? What if she never wanted to have kids? What if, what if, what if?

She suddenly pushed Ken’s hand away and looked at Ken. She had suddenly realized something, and she needed to talk to Ken about it.