Love’s Gamble

“Flattery is not going to get you anywhere, miss,” said the police officer. He pulled out a little sheaf of tickets and started writing on it.

Freema wanted to burst out. She wanted to shout at this police officer, to swear at him, to call him any number of disgusting and unsavory things. She wanted to let her anger out on this man, but she simply couldn’t do it. Instead, she deflated. She felt hollow inside. There was no way she was going to be able to pay for this ticket with her budget being as tight as it was. No, she was going to have to dip into her nest egg, and that was not something she wanted to do. She had lost money from the nest egg before. After all, if you are saving money by betting on poker games you are going to end up losing a few dollars. However, she had always known that the bets she was making were worth it because they might end up increasing the nest egg, just like they always did eventually. This, however, was a loss, plain and simple. There was no chance for reward. It was just something that she had to do, something that she had to sacrifice in order to keep afloat.

Keeping afloat, that was all she was doing here. That was all that she was doing in this world, and she was sick of it. She took the ticket and drove off, hoping that her boss would not be too angry with her.

He was, of course. She was not having a good day at all, and her boss was a terrible person even on some of Freema’s best days. His name was Donovan and he was an asshole through and through. He took great pleasure in reminding his employees that he had the power to fire them absolutely whenever he wanted, and he always enjoyed watching them squirm when he said things like this. Freema hated him with all of her heart, and she would had stabbed him if she had had a knife at that moment out of pure, passionate rage.

“Freema!” said Donovan, scowling as he looked at her. “You’re over three hours late!”

Freema looked at the clock. It was a quarter past eleven. She was a little over two hours late. Donovan had a tendency to exaggerate anything and everything that his employees did wrong. However, Freema knew that there was no point arguing right now. Whether she was two hours late or three hours late, she was always late and she needed to face the music for her indiscretions.

“I’m sorry Donovan,” said Freema. “I’m just having a bad day. I was trying to get here earlier but a cop stopped me and booked me for speeding.”

Donovan shook his head and started to walk away, saying, “I can’t believe you people. You guys have this fantastic job, the company pays you good money, and you repay us by arriving so late to work. No gratitude, I tell ya. No respect.”

Freema really wanted to tell Donovan to fu*k off but she knew that she could not do this without jeopardizing her job, a job that she really needed especially now that she had gotten a ticket.

She sighed and sat down at her work station. She started to get some work done, but soon it was lunch time. She spied Donovan leaving. He always took a long lunch, which meant that she could take a break too. It was not really right for her to take a break due to the fact that she had gotten to work so late, but she honestly didn’t care at this point. She was hungry, she was tired, and she needed a moment to gather her thoughts.

She went into the break room. It was mercifully empty. By some miracle of luck, everyone had gone out for lunch today. Freema checked her phone. There was another text from Ken. It read: “Lunch today? Worried about you. Reply either way?”

She thought about it for a moment. If she ignored all of the confusion she was feeling, if she ignored the fact that she was terrified of commitment and that was what Ken represented, she realized that Ken was the only person in the whole world who could make her feel better right now. He was the only person in the whole world who could make her forget about how sh*tty her day had been so far. He was the one that she was afraid of hurting, but right now Freema felt selfish. She felt like she would never get what she wanted. Her nest egg was large, but not nearly large enough. She didn’t know if she could stand another year of this. If it ended up being more than that, she would go completely insane. She could not bear the thought of spending years here before she could finally retire to somewhere where she could feel at home, somewhere she could feel calm and at peace.

She looked at her phone and then decided that she needed to feel good. She decided that she was done playing by other people’s rules, she was done trying to think about anything but herself. She needed to feel better, and she needed to feel it now, so she texted Ken and told him that she wanted to have lunch. He responded quickly, telling her to come to the Totoya whenever she felt like it. Freema looked at the watch. It was a few minutes past one, and she knew that her boss was not going to be in by three. She could go to the restaurant, enjoy some delicious food, and talk to Ken. And then she would have her head on straight, then she would be able to get past all of the stress in her life and actually make a plan regarding what she was going to do next.

*****

She looked around the Totoya. The energy of this place was infectious, it filled her with a buzz of sorts, it left her feeling giddy. She was feeling better already. She looked around, trying to find Ken. She could not see him anywhere.

And then, he came out of the kitchen and Freema could not help but smile. He had a big smile on his face, and was talking to his cook on the way out. He looked so happy, he looked like he was in his element. He looked like nothing in the world mattered except for what he was doing right now. Freema wanted to feel that way. She wanted to feel that sense of peace. She would do anything to have it. It was part of the reason why she felt so strongly about Ken. He represented something that she wanted so desperately, she felt like she could get what she wanted by being around him. It was not the correct way to think, of course, but people are never logical when it comes to love. People never think about things the way that they are supposed to be thought about. No, people think about things the way that they want to think about them, and that is just how it goes.