Love’s Gamble

With another sigh, Freema headed down to the only place in the world where life made sense: the poker den. She descended the steps and as she heard the raucous beyond the door, everything else seemed to fade away. The worries of the world she was leaving behind did not matter. All that mattered was the game, and the will to win big. Freema was going to win big. She was going to beat everyone else and she was going to add a considerable amount to her nest egg.

She suddenly stopped, her hand on the door knob. The nest egg. What was she going to do about that? Ever since she had started to play poker professionally, albeit illegally, all she had wanted was to save enough to run away somewhere. That had been her endgame for so long. That was the only thing she had been working towards and now… what? What was she supposed to do?

She was in a relationship now. She was in a relationship with someone that she truly liked, and this complicated matters significantly. As long as she was in a relationship with Ken, she would not be able to run away just like she’d always wanted. She thought for a moment if that made sense. After all, if she had Ken then there was no reason to run away. At least, that was how it was supposed to be. The whole reason she had wanted to run away had been that she had had nothing for her in this city, she had no reason to stay behind. But now… there was Ken, and that meant something. It meant something because she was starting to question her desire to run away.

The desire was still there. That was another rather odd thing to consider. Why was the desire to run away still there? If she was truly happy with Ken, shouldn’t she no longer feel that desire burning within her? Shouldn’t she be content simply living her life here with someone that she truly cared about?

She thought about it some more, frozen with her hand on the doorknob. Running away had been all that she had had up until the moment she and Ken had started their relationship. It was the thought that had put her to sleep at night, it had been the very thing that had forced her to eat and survive when the loneliness came crashing in. How could she just abandon that now? How could she just stop caring about the only thing that had mattered for so long?

All of a sudden, the door opened. Peter was the one that had opened it.

“Oh, Freema!” said Peter. Young and suave, he did not fit in with the other men at the table, all of them harder and tougher than he was, even though none of them were actual criminals. Freema thought he was rather attractive, if in a simpering and spoiled way that she did not quite like.

“Were you going to come in?” he asked.

Freema nodded and entered the poker den. The smell of the place, the noise of the people, the sound of the cards and glasses hitting the table… these were the things her home was made up of. For home is not a place, not necessarily. Home does not have to be the house you live in. No, home can also be the company you keep. Home can also be the voices you hear.

If one wanted to truly define what a home is, then one would not be remiss in calling it a feeling. Home was a feeling, and it was a feeling that Freema was well acquainted with though she did not yet know it. It was something that she regularly took for granted, for this is how people who have something good and do not realize it behave. They behave as people who have nothing, and only later when they realize what they have lost do they understand the enormity of what they had once had.

Once Freema entered the room, the voices stopped and everyone looked at her. She sat down at the table and looked around. “Well?” she said, looking around at everybody at the table. “What the fu*k are you guys waiting for? Are you here to play cards or look at me?”

Everyone continued to look at her. “What?” asked Freema. “I know I’m hot, but why are you guys looking at me like that? Is it something on my face?”

She realized that there was a look of faint amusement upon the faces of everyone seated at the table.

“Spit it out!” she said, annoyed. She felt like she was the punch line of a joke that everyone knew about, everyone but her.

“You’re getting pretty cozy with Ken,” said Hwan with a smirk. His dark jacket was worn, but he wore it with style. His eyebrow was raised in an expression that was effortlessly cocky, just like the man whom that eyebrow belonged to.

“What?” asked Freema. “Why the fu*k is that any of your business?”

“It’s not,” said Hwan. “It’s just… cute.”

Everyone burst out laughing. Bert wiped his eyes and said, “Oh darlin’, it’s just a joke. It’s just that… you were the last person that we expected to get all starry eyed over some guy. You just… didn’t seem like the type of girl who would settle into a long term relationship.”

“What the fu*k is that supposed to mean?” asked Freema. “I’m not that kind of girl? Well what kind of girl did you think I was before I started this relationship?”

“The kind of girl that ran at the first sign of commitment,” said Hwan with the same smirk. “We’re proud of you, though. You proved us wrong. You showed us that you actually have it in you to be with someone and be serious about it.”

“Well,” said Freema, “yeah. I am serious about it. And there’s nothing weird about that.”

“Don’t get so worked up honey,” said Roseanne. “Can you blame us for not thinking that you would ever want to settle down? All the time you just… you just seem like you’re waiting for the first chance to run. We feel like you only stick around with us because you get a chance to play against some real poker players here, and if we ever stop playing we’d never see you again.”

Freema was shocked, mostly because of how accurate Roseanne was being. Was it that obvious? Did everyone think this way? Did Ken think this way?

“So… you guys never thought that I would start a serious relationship,” said Freema. “What’s next are you guys gonna be betting on the outcome of my relationship?”

She looked around to see faces that were uncharacteristically somber. “Oh my God,” said Freema. “You guys actually did bet on this! You bet on whether my relationship would last or not!”

“It’s just a joke!” said Gil hurriedly.

But then Hwan interjected, “It started off like that, but I think that there’s something to it. I mean, who knows what the future holds right?”

“You’re a fu*king asshole, Hwan,” said Freema. “You can’t fu*king bet on my relationship. This is a level of fu*ked up that I did not expect from you guys.”

“Darlin’ we’re sorry,” said Bert. “Look, we do not think you’re gonna mess this up.”

“Yes you do!” said Freema. “Or at least some of you do. If all of you thought that I was going to last in this relationship, there would be nothing to bet on in the first place. Each and every one of you have thought about the odds, and the only reason that there is a bet going on around here is because there are people that believe that the odds are against me.”