Love’s Gamble

Ken looked at her. It was an odd look. Freema realized that she had pretty much ranted in response to his rather benign question. He was a smart man, he could tell that there were a number of things that Freema was not telling him. He could tell that she was trying to protect her father from Ken’s judgment, she did not want him to assume things based on what she told him. However, Ken was also a very sensitive person, and so he was able to realize that there was no need for him to press the point any further. If it made her uncomfortable, it made her uncomfortable and that was that. He changed the topic immediately to his own father.

“My father was very protective of me,” said Ken. “Both of my parents were. I guess that was just their way of loving me. However, they were so protective of me that I ended up completely unable to fend for myself when the time came to become an adult. I had to learn everything from the start because my parents had always done everything for me. And it’s just that… they were the ones that sheltered me, they were the ones that kept me from everything, and then when I could not do a certain thing they would be the ones that would tell me that I really need to grow up, that they won’t be around to take care of me forever.”

“That sounds so frustrating,” said Freema. “They really should have realized that they are the ones that made you the way you are right now. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” said Ken with a small smile. “I ended up learning a few things as I grew older. I ended up becoming a proper adult later than most people because I had no idea how to do anything that adults are supposed to do, but I was still able to get to where I am now. Life threw a few roadblocks in my way, but at the end of the day you can’t help these things. You just have to power through them, you know?”

“It’s really impressive that you were able to buy your own restaurant,” said Freema as Ken poured them another drink. She was starting to feel a light buzz after the first drink and it was quite enjoyable. She wanted more, she wanted to lose herself in the wondrous abyss of alcohol so that she would not have to think of anything else in the world. She wanted to make it so that this conversation was the only thing that existed in her universe.

“I guess,” said Ken. “I was helped along the way a few times by a few unforeseen events. I’ll tell you about them some day when we know each other a bit better. It’s not a happy tale, but it led me to where I am now. I can guess that you have a similar tale, something that is not entirely happy but it led you to where you are right now. However, I think the endings of our respective stories shall be taken somewhat differently.”

“What do you mean?” asked Freema.

“I am quite happy right now,” said Ken. “I have this restaurant, I have friends, I am doing something with my life at last. You, however… I do not know if you are happy. I mean, you are independent and you do what you want but I do not know if you are happy. And I could ask you to tell me if you are or not, but I do not think I am going to get an honest answer out of you just yet so I am going to save this question for later, when we are both comfortable enough to discuss the answer with each other.”

Freema smiled and said, “That sounds nice. It will give me plenty of time to think of an answer to that question, because I do not really know what the answer is just yet. I will think of it, and by the time we are both ready to answer this question I have a feeling that I am going to have something worth telling you.”

“Lovely,” said Ken. “So, you are extremely assertive and aggressive. I quite like that. I mean, these are qualities that I wish I had in a lot of ways, and I really want to learn how to be that way. Can you teach me? I mean, I know that these are not really things that can be taught but at the same time I have a feeling that you are going to be able to give me a few pointers anyway.”

“I think I will,” said Freema. “I mean, at the end of the day it comes down to practice, and you can do that on your own but if you have someone that knows what they are doing by your side I think that is going to help you out a great deal. What do you say?”

“Yeah,” said Ken. “I think I need a great deal of practice. I don’t really know where to start, that is the real problem. I don’t know the first thing about being assertive.”

“There really is nothing to it,” said Freema. “I think it’s like riding a bicycle. You look at people riding bikes and if you do not know how to ride it you will wonder how they do it. You will have no idea how they manage to stay upright at all. But once you learn, it all falls into place. You laugh at how you once thought that this was difficult. And, just like riding a bike, once you learn how to be assertive there is no going back. You are going to have it in you no matter what happens.”

“Alright,” said Ken. “I can’t wait to start!”

“Me too,” said Freema with a wide smile. “This is some great whiskey.”

“Yes it is,” said Ken. “I generally do not drink whiskey, but a lot of my friends do so I keep some in my office in case they ever visit me.”

“Do you have a lot of friends?” asked Freema.

“Yes,” said Ken. “I am quite a social person, to be honest. People assume that I am an introvert because I am so timid, but this is not at all the case. I am actually the kind of person that would go out and party a lot. When I am in my element I am quite confident. I still let people walk all over me, but I am not nearly as nervous as I am otherwise.”

“That sounds so nice,” said Freema.

“You say that as if you do not know what I am talking about,” said Ken. “You have so many friends.”

“Do I?” asked Freema.

“Yes!” said Ken. “Your entire gambling group. You fellows seem like the best of friends.”

“Oh,” said Freema. “Do we? I mean, I like them I suppose, but I feel like I can’t trust them sometimes. They are nice enough people, but at the end of the day I am involved in something illegal with them so if they ever get caught they could easily throw me under the bus.”

“That’s a very pessimistic way to view things,” said Ken.

“I am a very pessimistic person,” said Freema, smiling in spite of herself.

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” said Ken. “I have always been an optimist myself, but it hasn’t really brought me any joy!”

They spoke like this for quite some time. The clock struck seven, the poker game below started without Freema, but she did not realize, nor would she have cared if she had realized. She wanted to stay right here with Ken. She wanted to talk to him, to get to know him. She wanted to know as much as she possibly could about this wonderful man.