Love Heals

Chapter 6

Nothing happened.

Truly.

Oh not for lack of trying on Ruby’s part but he was too drunk out of his mind to get it up. So they’d kissed a little, made out a little more before Emilio had passed out.

“Ruby I’m gonna have to ask you to leave,” he’d said.

“Why?” she asked as if she didn’t know he was her roomie’s boyfriend.

“Because we’re not doing this to Rachel!”

“You think she even cares? All she thinks about is doing well on the internship. You’re just a pass time to her. Why can’t you see that?”

Emilio sighed impatiently, “You need to leave Ruby. And you need to forget any of this happened. You understand me.”

“Don’t worry Milo. I won’t tell your precious girlfriend that you cheated on her.”

“I didn’t cheat. I- we…this isn’t cheating. There was no intent,” his voice trailed off uncertainly.

Ruby shrugged, “Sure Milo, whatever you say.”

She’d picked up her bag and sauntered out, a knowing smirk on her face. Emilio slammed the door in her face and crossed over to Cameron’s room, got into his bed and slept. He didn’t want to bury his head in Ruby’s scent which he was sure permeated his own sheets and Cameron was away in London too; with Rachel. His family could afford for him to travel wherever and it wasn’t like he was on the first team or anything. Emilio buried his head in Cameron’s blankets and resolved to think about it all later. When his head wasn’t pounding.

*****

When he next awoke, the sun was setting and his headache was no better. He also still did not remember what the hell had transpired between him and Ruby the night before. He’d thought he could trust her; that they were friends…obviously he was a naïve idiot who needed his head examined. Relationships 101 said that you could not be friends with your ex! Especially if said ex was housemates with your current girlfriend. Emilio had thought long and hard about it; and then resolved not to tell Rachel a thing. Ruby couldn’t exactly out him without outing herself and he doubted she wanted that. For one thing Rachel might kick her out of the house. How many free room and board four bedroom houses could you find in your life. Emilio was willing to bet that it wasn’t more than one.

No.

He just had to keep his cool and act normal.

*****

“Something’s up with Emilio Cameron. Could you find out what it is? He isn’t talking to me.” Rachel had told Cameron not a week after she returned.

“I am not getting in the middle of you two love birds honey. If he wants to tell you, he will. Otherwise I strongly advise you to leave it alone.”

“You know what it is!” she accused coming to loom over him.

“I know nothing. And even if I did, my statement still stands.”

“Is it me? Is it coz of what I told him about the  whole ‘we might drift away from each other’ thing?”

“Rachel,” Cameron said with a tired sigh.

“It is isn’t it?” she said pacing anxiously, “He obviously realizes that I’m right about that and he’s pulling away from me.”

“Rachel,” Cameron tried to interrupt her rant.

“He wants to break up doesn’t he? That’s what’s happening?” she spoke over him.

“He doesn’t,” Cameron said quietly looking at his shoes.

“Uh huh,” Rachel replied, voice quiet now; thoughtful; studying Cameron’s body language, “Sure he doesn’t.”

*****

When she thought about it, as hard as it was to leave, once her internship was done; it was so, so, easy, too, once she made the decision, finally admitting that the time had come. She sold almost everything she owned, threw one full box into the trunk of her car, packed the rest in her trusty duffel bag and backpack, and took to the road, storing nothing but her memories.

At first, she was going to sell her car, also, but she figured it was cheaper to just drive until she gave up the ghost. She lasted until she was somewhere near the Great Lakes…that was about four months after she left. She had seen nearly all of the country in the past summer, mountains, deserts, vast spaces and crowded cities. Seen the sun rise and set from sea to shining sea, as they say. For the past three weeks, she had been on this island off the coast of North Carolina, and she found herself constantly drawn to the ocean, standing on the shore thinking about what she had left behind, and whether this was the end of the line. Mostly, she wonder what Emilio would see if he stood here, how different the Atlantic would seem from the water back home.

*****

Emilio sat down on the couch, the loft dark except for the soft glow from several candles. He had ached a little as he’d struck matches to them, the first time that scent had filled the apartment in almost a five months, but he’d pushed the pain away…an act made easy with practice. The open shampoo bottle, the shirt that he had dampened with the citrusy skin splash that Rachel had sometimes wore, mostly in the summer…those didn’t bother him as much. Many times already, he had used them to guide him, taking baby steps until he could lose himself in as much of Rachel as he had left and still get back again. But…but…he wasn’t strong enough…had teased himself too often. He could no longer resist the pull of a place where he was nothing, but had everything, where the passing of each miserable day didn’t matter, and his every prayer was answered.

*****

She hadn’t seen any television since she had been gone, though she had gone to the movies every now and then. But books, well, that was different. She had been reading insatiably. One of the first places she hit when she found herself in a new town or city was the local library, and she’d probably read every one of the books that she originally had with her at least three times each. She sold those, though. Without the car, she didn’t want the burden of carrying them around, keeping only a few choice ones that she could never part with. Of course, she also had her kindle stuffed with Football RPF, because she still got a thrill when she opened them, got even more of a rush when she pictured Emilio in place of the characters illustrated inside.

More than reading, there was the writing…she couldn’t stop. She had filled notebooks, journals, index cards, and napkins touting every fast food joint from here to California with…stuff…her thoughts, essays, stories both fiction and not, recollections, whatever goes through her head, even some erotica. But that last may only have been because she hadn’t had much s*x in the past six months. Not that she couldn’t have been fu*king, that’s never been one of her problems. The problem was how to get her head around it. She tried the one night stand thing with a few anonymous strangers at first, once tried a little repeat action with a nice guy she met at a campsite near the Grand Canyon, but it didn’t work, so she gave it up altogether. She had been perfectly happy to jerk off to her fantasies…most of which are really memories of things Emilio and she did together…one or two of things that she wished they had done.

Of course, the fact that she was still in love with Emilio might have something to do with that. In love with him, yet still left him. She had to go. Had to. she wasn’t in a good place… her job, her life, even her lover all seemed too much and not her own. She was…suffocating. Suffocating under the good intentions and well wishes of those around her, their need to provide for her, care for her. Shield her from the realities of life…Crushed under the weight of her failed attempts to do the same. She simply couldn’t breathe…like drowning…sinking and just not rising. She had to get away. She had just a short time to get her head right before she was expected back in school for the new and final year of her training.