Love Heals

Chapter 5

It had been a misunderstanding. A miscommunication. Emilio didn’t really understand how it came to pass. He just knew that one day, they were good; and the next day…it all went to sh*t.

*****

“You… You don’t love me anymore, do you?” The words had come out as a mere whisper, but Rachel heard them clearly as if they had just been yelled at her. When she didn’t answer, unable to gather her thoughts so quickly after being rattled by the sudden question, he asked again, his voice a little stronger this time.

“You don’t love me anymore, do you?”

“I never said that,” she croaked, hands trembling at her sides. “I never said that. Ever.”

“But you don’t love me anymore.” A declaration this time, not a question.

“Emilio, stop. Why’re we even having this conversation? You’re talking crazy.”

“I’m not talking crazy, Rach. We’re having this conversation because I don’t know what to do or say or… or even think anymore! This is the only logical explanation for any of this.”

Rachel stared at him with a blank expression, the color slowly draining from her face. Emilio looked so tired, defeated. He ran his hands through his hair numerous times, mussing up his curls so it looked uncombed, something Rachel used to do when they were watching movies together on the couch.

Used to do.

She’d be stupid to deny that things had started crumbling weeks before, that there was suddenly an invisible wall between her and Emilio—a wall she couldn’t get to go down. She had tried to break it, and so had Emilio, it just seemed to strengthen with their effort to knock it down. They were drifting apart, only hanging on by threads, threads Emilio tried to keep together all by himself. Things had changed. Rachel had changed.

Change scared her, especially when nothing good could come from it. Nothing good could come from this, she could see that already. She’d keep denying it though, just like she had done for the past several weeks.

When she didn’t speak, Emilio sighed, balling his hands into fists that he rested on his knees.

“You can’t keep pulling into yourself like this, Rachel. You can’t. You can’t keep doing this and expecting everything to be fine.”

“Everything is fine, Emilio! You’re making this a bigger deal than it is!”

She was becoming frustrated. She wrapped her arms around her middle as if she was trying to keep warm, her eyes trained on the man sitting across from her on the couch.

“Everything is not fine, Rachel,” he muttered, his gaze hard and stony. Rachel refused to be the first to look away.

“Tell me you love me.”

“Emilio—”

“Tell me you love me.”

A pause. Hesitation.

“I love you.”

“Do you mean it?”

“Yes.”

“Then why the hesitation? Why the sudden pulling away?”

“B-Because I…”

“Because you what?”

Another pause. More hesitation.

“I… I can’t do this.”

“Can’t do what, Rachel?”

“This!” she shouted, throwing her hands up in defeat. “I love you but I can’t keep doing this. The pretending, the fake smiling, the hollow laughter, any of it! I can’t keep doing it! It’s eating me up inside and tearing me apart.”

Emilio looked at her, mouth slightly agape, as if she had just smacked him across the face. He was at a loss for words, his mind whirring as he tried to piece together what she had just said. He looked down at his hands for solid minutes without speaking. Rachel stood there, silent, tears welling up in her eyes. Emilio eventually found the courage to speak again, though he had no idea where it had come from.

“You mean, I did this to you?” He could barely get the words out without choking on them.

Rachel was crying now, not even trying to hold it back. “Oh God, no, not you. Never you. Never, never, never. “

“If not me, then who?”

“Me! I did it! My… My brain did it.” She brought her hands up and clutched the sides of her head as she stared at her feet.

“Rachel, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?” Emilio had stood up from the couch and took two cautious steps toward her.

“I can’t shake the feeling that you’re going to leave! That this is going to eventually turn into another Ruby situation!”

“Woah, woah, woah. Where is this coming from? Did I do something to scare you? Rach, You know Ruby was a doorstop for you. You have to know that.” He replied, completely taken aback.

Rachel sunk to the floor and pulled her knees to her chest as Emilio crouched down in front of her. He was close enough to touch her now, but he restrained himself from doing so for the time being.

“Rachel, look at me.” His voice was firm, but gentle and eventually she looked up. “I’m not going to leave you or anything like that, okay? I’ve been trying to get through to you for weeks; I could tell something was off with you. After everything that happened… I thought something had broken between us.”

“I’m just… so stressed and overworked. This internship is kicking my ass, and there’s school and you’re like, on the fast track to greatness…” she trailed off, putting her head on her knees.

“Rach, come here…” Emilio sat down, pressing his back against the edge of the coffee table as he pulled Rachel into his arms, clutching onto her as if he was afraid she might vanish into thin air. “You’re stressing yourself out and part of that is my fault… I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard. Shoulda taken things slower.” He continued holding onto her, kissing the top of her head often as he rocked her back and forth gently on the floor.

Rachel’s face had found the crook of his neck and Emilio could feel her tears staining the collar of his t-shirt as she trembled in his arms. They were both silent for a while until she finally spoke, her voice small. “You still love me through all of my crazy?”

Emilio felt a pang of sadness and guilt rip through him. “Of course I do. I don’t want you to ever think otherwise. And you’re not crazy, never crazy. You’ve been put through so much. I know how hard Dr. Poe works you  And it’s true that it’s hard to go out with a rising star. That’s not your fault, love.”

“I… I think we probably need to take a step back. Maybe we should both focus on what we came here for,” she whispered against his neck.