Je t’aime

She dreaded the conversation with Remy, but knew that it was important to her emotional well being to stand on her own again. She would wait until they returned from their last trip of the fall, then she could devote herself to the restaurant. The holidays were just around the corner and it would be a busy season.

They enjoyed the last trip of the year, Kendra knew how lucky she had been to get to see so much of the real France. She had learned a great deal about how the people used what was available locally to create wonderful food, so the time had not been a complete loss as far as her cooking skills were concerned.

If Remy noticed that she was distracted during the trip, he ignored it and acted as if nothing was wrong. But on the way home, he finally asked Kendra what was wrong. She tried to explain how she was feeling but found she wasn’t getting it right.

“So you’re saying that the time we’ve spent together had been a waste of your time.” Remy was immediately defensive.

“That’s not what I’m saying at all. I’ve loved every minute we’ve spent together. I would have never been able to see as much of France as I have if you hadn’t taken me along with you. But cooking is my career. I need to do what makes me happy and cooking is one of those things.” She explained.

“So suddenly I don’t make you happy anymore? What happened, just last week you told me you had never been happier. Was this just some game to you? A way to get a free vacation.” Remy challenged her.

“Now you’re just being ridiculous. I love you just as much as I always have, but I need my career too.” Kendra said, desperate to make him understand.

“I have plenty of money to support us, you don’t really need that job.” Remy said.

“It’s not about the money, cooking makes me happy.” She said, hoping that he could understand.

“You can cook for me, we can have all the dinner parties you want. If fact, when I take over for my father, we will have to do lots of entertaining. Let’s talk to my mother, I bet you could get started right away. There’s always some business dinner or another going on.” Remy said, thinking he had found the solution.

This suggestion was so similar to what Mark had wanted that Kendra couldn’t breathe for a minute. She felt a moment of panic before she realized that Remy was only making this suggestion because he wanted his way.

“First, just let me say that I am not a caterer. I am a chef capable of running a five start restaurant anywhere in the world. I know you are just trying to help but that is not how I want to spend my life.”

“So you want to work 60 hours a week, making food for other people. How are you ever going to have a husband, a family? No man wants to play second fiddle to your career. Face it.” Remy said, getting angrier by the second.

“Just take me home to my apartment. I don’t want to discuss this any longer. I love you but I’m beginning to think that you don’t really know me, if you could say something like that.” Kendra said, fighting tears. She would not cry in front of Remy no matter how upset she was.

“Fine.” He said, then was silent for the rest of the drive, pouting Kendra assumed.

Kendra and Remy spoke little over the next few weeks. Kendra threw herself back into her job, trying to make up for all the time she had been gone. There were quite a few people who were less than happy with her and she knew only her time and hard work could repair the damage.

Once word got out that Kendra was back in the kitchen, the restaurant began to flourish again. Kendra began to regain some of her equilibrium, as her love of cooking was reignited. She missed Remy but knew that if they were going to have a life together, he had to appreciate her choice of career. She would never be happy following him around and cooking for his family and business.

As the standoff between Remy and Kendra continued, Remy’s mother called her to arrange a lunch meeting. Kendra was more than happy to have lunch with Barbra, she had missed her. Once they had placed their order, Barbra got right to the point.

“What happened between you and Remy?” she asked.

“It’s just a lovers spat, I hope.” Kendra replied.

“What has he done now? Let me guess, he wanted something his way and didn’t get it, is that it?” She said.

“How did you know? That’s exactly it. He basically wants me to give up my career to cater dinner parties and business meetings. It’s like he doesn’t even appreciate what I do or how hard I had to work to get where I am.” Kendra said, close to tears.

“I already left a man who wanted that of me. Why can’t men see that our careers are just as important as theirs? Oh, and don’t get me started on his offer to pay all my bills so I am free to be at his beck and call.” Kendra was getting ready to go on, but Barbra stopped her with a raised hand.

“Okay, I get the picture. My son is being his usual self. When he doesn’t get what he wants he throws money at the problem. He was always the selfish one as a child and knowing that his place in the world was already made has not necessarily been good for him.” Barbra said.

Kendra started to say something but Barbra cut her off again. “I’m not defending him, he needs to grow up. But I just want you to see things from his point of view.”

“I understand, but this is a big deal to me, not something I can just hope goes away.” Kendra said.

“I’ll talk to him, sometimes a boy needs his mother to knock a little sense into him and this is one of those times. Now let’s talk about something else. You two love each other, it will all work out. You know, Martin and I had similar problems before we were married.” Barbra said.

“I would love to hear about how you handled Martin, you guys obviously worked it out.” Kendra said.

“Well, as you can imagine, I had to take the situation in hand or nothing would have ever been solved.” Barbra said, then began to tell Kendra about her path to a happy marriage.

Over a wonderful lunch, Barbra told Kendra how she had helped Martin understand that she needed to be useful not just at home but in the world. Her method wouldn’t work for Kendra but it gave her hope that with time, Remy might learn to understand her needs.

*****

Weeks passed, Kendra continued to work as many hours as she could at the restaurant. She talked to Remy at least once a day, but the conversations were short and usually nothing deeper than a discussion of the weather. Neither of them wanted to address what was keeping them apart.

Remy had been spending his time getting his plants moved for the winter and doing volunteer work, which he still loved. His father was pushing him to keep learning the business but he found it boring, much to he and his father’s disappointment.

Remy had never thought of doing anything but taking over the business, he had gotten a degree in business for that purpose, but once in the office, he just couldn’t find the drive his father had. Shipping, while in his blood, was not his passion.