Invest In Me

“Shame on you, Bella! Shame! Shame! Shame!” she shouted at herself, grabbing her hair and pulling it until it hurt her. Then she let her body fall to the floor like a sack of potatoes, sobbing. Sobbing as loud as her lungs could handle. The mascara was all over her face mingled with her red lipstick and the powder and the shade. She was a complete mess and she didn’t want to do anything about it.

She was simply tired of it all. Of pretending and living in a lie and feeling insecure. She just wanted everything to end, but she didn’t know how. Oh, why was life so hard on her? Maybe it was the best if she remained like that. Miserable on the cold floor flooded with her own salty tears.

“Is anyone in there? Can I enter?” A female voice came from outside the door and Bella only shook her head, feeling a bit dizzy.

“You can’t. It’s locked and I’m not unlocking it!” she shouted back hearing the woman departing. Alone once again, she covered her face with her hands and sobbed louder.

She remained like that for who knew how long, when she heard loud bumps on the door. Someone was pounding on it fast. Either because of the alcohol or the crying, she was unable to shape the words they were yelling at first, but then they became clear to her eardrums. And very, very familiar.

“Bella? Honey, are you in there? Are you alright? Bella?” Thomas sounded worried and she couldn’t resist not to reply.

“F-f-fine… Go away… I…”

“Bella, dear… Please open up. It’s me, Tom. Please, don’t leave me here!” he begged and she reluctantly lifted her body slightly to unlock the door. Slumping back on the cold tiles once more, she closed her eyes and sighed.

“It’s alright. I’ll take care of her… I’m her husband, yeah.” She heard Thomas’ voice explaining something to someone before everything became silent again.

Thomas crouched before her, his hand gently reaching for her face. He moved the locks of hair from it and gasped in surprise at the sight of her.

“What happened to you? Bella, did anyone do anything to you? Please tell me!” He was distressed and worried. She never wanted to disappoint him, but she couldn’t handle all the pressure anymore.

“N-no. H-how did you find me?” she asked with a shaky voice.

“Someone saw you running here and then one woman came and said… it doesn’t matter, okay? Just tell me if you’re alright? I was worried sick, sweetheart,” he said sincerely, breaking her heart even more. Not being able to say a word more, she threw herself in his embrace clutching his suit and cried for who-knew-which time. She just needed his strong hands to gather her and make her feel better. She needed him to make her feel better.

“Shh… It’ll be okay… Everything will be okay…” Thomas whispered in her ear, running his fingers through her hair and kissing the top. His arms pressed her tighter to his chest and he held her shivering body, letting her tears dry on his white shirt. Once she calmed down a little, he gently sat beside her, placing her head on his shoulder and sighing.

“I did this to you, didn’t I? I tried so hard not to hurt you and yet I managed to do just the opposite. For…” Thomas began, but she interrupted him.

“It’s not your fault… It’s me… I thought that I can do this, but I failed,” she admitted wiping her tears. “I didn’t think that it would be this way. That we’ll have to parade everywhere together and stay separated for a long time during the day and not talk at all… It’s just that I… I’m not used to that life, Tom. I’m not.”

Thomas remained quiet for a moment.

“Do you love me, Bella? Hmm? Do you love me still?” he asked at once and she froze on the spot.