I’ll Wait For You

If I seek happiness, will it be at the cost of another’s chance for it, too?

As she reflected upon that, the elevator opened, revealing Kostya Vasilev, looking haggard and tired, but otherwise pleased to see her. He wore a business suit, gray blazer with gray pinstripe pants, black polished shoes that were again too long for his feet, a magenta tie, and his arms were wrapped around his chest, as if holding something.

“What have you got there?” Elinor asked, inward conflict dissolving in favor of intrigue. Kostya Vasilev, ice-glint eyes flicking between her and whatever was in his arms, moved close enough to reveal a dark ball of fur and bright emerald eyes.

“You have a kitten?”

Kostya nodded, inviting her to come and examine the little creature in close detail. It looked tiny, dwarfed in Kostya’s arms and large hands, and needle claws dug into his chest.

“This little lady was found next to her dead mother in Bulgaria,” Kostya said, now petting the kitten by her ears. The eyes stayed open, staring at the new unidentified presence in her life – Elinor. “Go on. Pet her as well. But reach your hand slowly, so she can register what you’re trying to do.”

Nervous, Elinor did so, confused at what this meant. Why did he bring the kitten here? To show her? To keep? The kitten watched her hand near, then sniffed at her fingers, before deciding she wasn’t going to kill it. It didn’t seem to mind the stroking.

“Her brothers and sisters were already dead – mix of thirst and hot weather is probably what did it. She didn’t resist at all when I scooped her up. Probably would have been dead in a couple of hours, if I hadn’t found her.”

“She’s so small,” Elinor said.

“Kittens are like that,” Kostya replied, amused. “The vet estimates her to be eight to nine weeks old. Anyway, there’s going to be a few cat things coming into this place shortly, like a litter box, bowls, food – everything to make her transition in this place smoothly. And we might need to remove some of the expensive, non-fixed objects, since she’ll probably wreck them when she gets older.”

“Wait. You’re going to keep a kitten here?” Elinor became alarmed. She’d never kept an animal in her life, had no idea how to react to the sudden idea of a new kitten popping into the studio out of nowhere, even if the poor thing had come from a terrible background. “Is that a good idea?”

“Maybe not. But I can’t take her with me on my travels, and leaving her with a family member is as good as killing her. I could give her to a friend – but I think she will be happiest in this place. Look at this.” He held the kitten so that her chest was exposed. There was a white patch over the middle of her chest that looked distinctively like a heart – bold and stark against her jet-black fur.

“I want her to be called Valentine,” Elinor said, the thought popping into her head. “Because her heart looks like the one on a valentine’s card that I got when I was eight from my dad.”

“Your dad?” Kostya said, eyebrow raising.

“He wanted to make sure I didn’t feel left out. He was very discreet about it, and I spent months trying to guess which boy at school had given it to me, before the truth was revealed.”

Kostya promptly handed the kitten to Elinor, who fumbled with holding it, having no idea what to do. Eventually, she settled with cupping the kitten under its rear and around the scruff of the neck. Valentine stared with those glorious green eyes of hers, before she made a strange rumbling sound against Elinor’s chest.

“Is this purring? Is she purring?”

“Yes,” Kostya said, leaning to kiss Elinor on the forehead. “And I think Valentine is a good name for this little one. Probably because she’s going to steal your heart.”

Elinor stroked the kitten, a goofy smile playing upon her lips. Unfortunately, the unexpected arrival of Valentine meant that the words she’d been preparing to say to Kostya got scrambled. It was hard to say something sad and life-changing when a purring kitten with a heart on its chest was digging claws into you. “Oh, bother,” Elinor said. “I was going to talk to you about maybe breaking up with you, but you’ve just handed me a kitten and now I don’t want to.”

Kostya’s face fell, clouding over with something, before he gathered himself together, and gestured for her to come to one of the center room sofas. “Why did you want to break up?”

“I don’t know,” Elinor said truthfully. “Because this is the best thing that has happened to me in years. It’s just… well, I don’t have a right to make the decision alone. I have to explain to you why my thinking is going along these lines.”

After a short pause, Kostya nodded, his face guarded. He didn’t know what to expect from Elinor, but he was prepared to listen, which was more than she could have asked for. Her experience of trying to touch delicate subject matters in the past didn’t always get greeted with a warm reception. Such as Aidan. Such as Karen.

Sometimes, it was just better to let out the truth then to cover it with sugar and lies.

“I had a miscarriage,” Elinor said, deciding to start straight with the issue that bothered her the most. Valentine reached up her blue, fluffy top and kneaded the soft material.

Kostya said nothing, though she could tell he was trying to hold back on a sarcastic response.

“Four. Four miscarriages in the space of five, almost six years. I had what they call ectopic pregnancies each time.”

“Technically,” Kostya said, holding up one finger, “You had three miscarriages and one ectopic pregnancy that threatened your life, so that meant a forced abortion. Not a miscarriage.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better.” She sighed, conceding the point. She thought of it as a miscarriage, but the reality was what Kostya said. A forced abortion, because the embryo had lodged inside in her fallopian tube.

“Anyway, I lost one of my ovaries. I have one left, and it was covered in cysts.”

“I know this already, but go on.” Kostya began thumbing behind Valentine’s delicate ears, and the kitten’s purring increased in volume. Elinor knew he was aware, but she wanted to state all the facts before she concluded with why she thought breaking up might be the best option.

“I will always have difficulty getting pregnant. I take medication now to balance my hormones. They removed the cysts, but it doesn’t look as if all this will magically make me pregnant. So it’s likely I may never be able to have a family.”

Kostya’s face illuminated in the hint of understanding, as he saw where she was headed. In the well-lit room center, the water continued trickling calmly from the fountain. His grass and earth odors comforted Elinor, made her think of the fields back at school when the gardeners had gone over them in the spring. It was the smell of summer, of outdoor playing and happiness. Her heart gave a pang of sadness. She didn’t want to lose Kostya at all. She didn’t want to let go of the dream that had been shown to her after twenty-eight years of existing, and many years doing nothing and never moving forward.