I’ll Wait For You

Seven years of my life. Including the time with Aidan, and when I first met him. Before the bad things.

She left the Café, and no one bothered watching her go.

*****

Telling everyone brought a wave of consolation and then for her to admit that the new job might be able to make up for the fact, but she just didn’t want to abandon the place that had looked after her for so long.

“It’s not worth it,” Tina had said. Peter had been at work at the time, and Elinor planned to go and see her mother later. A Wednesday afternoon, almost four months since she had started working with Fusion Chord, and a little over two months since she and Kostya finally met heart to heart. Things with Kostya Vasilev felt good and fine, though she didn’t see as much of him as she wanted.

He did his surprise drop ins, often between flights, as an excuse to be able to connect to her for that moment, and they had finally achieved season four of Vikings, though by binge watching it on the two nights that he could spend with her. Three payments into her new job, having passed the trial period and being formally contracted as a lyricist, Kostya had informed her she might likely be asked to write for other bands, especially if there would be positive response to her words. Her priority would always be Stolen Heart, but he recommended that she created a backlog of lyrics if she could, to be given to those who commissioned her to write for them.

“I know it wasn’t,” Elinor replied to Tina, as they walked through one of the local parks, admiring the scenery and avoiding dog-walkers with overenthusiastic dogs tugging at their leads, “But I convinced myself, you know, that I could do it. Karen turned into a complete psycho bi*ch, though, like she wouldn’t even listen to me anymore and just kept coming up with these snippy remarks.”

“She’s garbage, ignore her. You’re better off finding out now then later, when she’s stabbing you in the back. You doesn’t owe that place anything. It owes you , girl, for all the time you spent there. You should be happy to finally leave a dead-end job, because that’s what it was. A dead end. Plus, you’re now working the job of your dreams. Cheer up, girl.” Tina gave Elinor a hug, showing a positive, confident demeanor, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “You made it.”

Elinor examined the emotions inside, and the dull ache as well. There was an uncomfortable throbbing in her lower spine, which sometimes happened if she sat badly, or came as a prelude to her periods. She realized she didn’t feel as devastated as she should have. “I feel a little guilty, actually, because I don’t care as much that I got fired. I wanted him to fire me. I just didn’t want to… admit that. I’m such a coward.”

“You are,” Tina agreed, not bothering to try and soften the blow, “But at least you know it. Speaking of coward – have you done the talk with Aidan, yet? Because I remember you saying you wanted to talk things out before breaking ties. And that Kostya, man-hunk of everyone’s dreams – he helped you reach that decision.”

“I haven’t,” Elinor admitted, new waves of guilt crashing. She’d completely dismissed that out of mind, forgotten it because everything else had been going so well, and she’d been so focused on her work… “Sh*t.”

“Sh*t is one way of putting it. You admitted as much. The only reason he hasn’t told you that it might be best to never speak again is because he wants you to say it. He’s remarried. He’s moved on. So have you. Just drop it.”

The truth came to Elinor plain and unfiltered. Honestly, she didn’t want to have to be the one with the balls to end it either, but endings seemed to be something she struggled with.

Ending work. Ending a relationship that could have been cut out earlier, before it had turned into rotten bones. Even with Aidan’s betrayal, that had been an accident, something he might have kept hidden from her, had his mistress on the side not fallen pregnant. Then he had just moved out, asked her to understand him, but all the while sending the kind of messages that made her body curl up in horror. Curse. Maybe your body can’t have children. Maybe it’s a sign.

Maybe it was a sign. Since she had fallen into a relationship with Kostya Vasilev. The man who remembered his dead wife and child lost on his arms. The man who wanted to share the next stage of his life with her. She could hardly believe it at times. But they’d gotten along so well. The electricity had crackled from them at the start, progressing with the little things they did. The flirting, the smiles, always finding excuses to watch one another or touch one another. Him dropping things at the studio for her to eat, casually inquiring about her day, how the writing was going, to be careful not to fall into writer’s block…

She recalled his face, those haunting eyes, and the idea he considered her an equal. Worthwhile caring for, and treasuring.

Another painful twinge came from Elinor’s lower spine. A strange, empty feeling pervaded her stomach, as if it had been full before. The pain seemed to spread from her spine, worming a way through her abdomen, making her double over and clutch at the pain.

“Elinor? Elinor?” Tina sounded concerned, which turned to alarm when she saw Elinor kneeling on the ground. Elinor, on the other hand, felt the spread of pain, which evolved from the dull ache to a burning crescendo, as if her guts had suddenly caught on fire.

What? She’d been bleeding, admittedly, not the heavy flows she normally expected, but she’d been having her periods anyway. Is this a miscarriage? Was I pregnant again without realizing? Please. God. Don’t let it be another one…“Tina… it hurts.” Another surge of pain, and Elinor screamed, drawing the attention of all the others in the vicinity, dog walkers, couples and joggers, who hesitated. Tina was now in panic, her hands shaking as she took out her phone.

“Elinor. Elinor! I’m calling 911 now.”

Elinor barely comprehended what Tina was saying. Why did it hurt so much? Was this how it felt if an appendix burst? Was this a miscarriage? What was it? Why was it happening?

She whimpered, and curled up from the pain, but it just kept stabbing. It didn’t stop. Her heart beat fast, and she wondered if she was dying. If somehow, despite everything finally starting to work out, someone in the universe had decided to fu*k her over once more.

People were murmuring around her, asking what was wrong, if they could help… strange hands touched her, and the voices came from a vast distance. The pain caused her vision to swim, her body to try and shut down to prevent any more shock.

Her last thought focused on Kostya and what she would tell him, before she tumbled into the darkness.