How Times Change

“Never the twain shall meet. I know.” She could feel the warmth coming off of him as he continued. “Jade, I didn’t expect- ever- to be thinking this way. It’s like the whole thing- TonPay, all of it doesn’t matter in the slightest. I’m not going to lie to you- I’ve made my money. But this,” He stopped a moment to pull her closer, burying a kiss in her hair. “This means so much more.”

Jade swallowed down the lump in her throat. Jake had left without a word; he chased his humanitarian principles somewhere out in Africa. Eventually he’d written back saying he hoped she understood. Aaron had gone east to chase his music- all that beautiful music that came from his deep box six string, some of it supposedly about her. He called once in a while, leaving a message like a news flash or dropped a line on Facebook. All about him. Neither of them had Jade in mind beyond what she gave. This one, this Lucas- so different in so many ways, he was willing to walk away?  She felt herself tearing up at that and forced it down.

She’d made her choice. Life on two coasts- him with his business in Raleigh, her at Genexco and up to her ears in stretching grant money. They were different worlds- and he’d earned his as much as she had hers. She wouldn’t take it from him. She pulled back out of his arms, keeping her gaze focused on her lap, one hand fidgeting at her sweatshirt hem. For a long moment, she sat, feeling the warm space between them shrink. When she did speak it was deliberate.

“Lucas. You are an amazing man…” She trailed off.

He gave a rueful chuckle. “I sense a ‘but’ coming.”

She smiled, feeling the diamond tears coming up and hanging at the rim of dark lashes. She wiped at them with her cuff, letting a sad laugh escape. “‘But. You and all of what you have now, everything you’ve made- I don’t have the right..”

Lucas leaned forward, closing the gap between them. “JJ, it doesn’t matter. All that money ever bought me was responsibility for so much more than just my own. Families- whole households are hanging on me now, I can feel it every time I get back into that room. I sat in there today and listened to the Gods of Mountain View tell me that I was overvalued and then explain to me in pretty damn clear detail why. Every single dollar they cut is a family I can’t help anymore. I’m all in Jade. All in.” He stopped, shaken by his own words.

Oh Lucas. She could sense the passion in him for his people, for what he built. She was an outsider to that. Before she could say anything though, he spoke again.

“–And then I found you again.” He made sure she was eye to eye. “I saw myself growing something of my own in another way for the first time. Jade, there’s so much I never thought about-“ He stopped as her finger touched his lips.

“Shhh Lucas. “ He started, drawing a breath to speak again. “No. I mean it. “She waited for him to settle again, taking in the intensity of his green eyes, the way they searched her. Pushing up from the couch she stood very still for a moment, holding his eyes, and then held out a hand to him. She could see the question in his eyes, all the questions she didn’t know how to answer. She spoke to him, very soft, and very calm. “Come with me.”

She led him through the gray dark house, stepping slow. At the corner of her bedroom door, she stopped, turned and stretched up on tip toe to kiss him, sad and sweet, pulling his lower lip between hers before letting him go. When she stepped back, she could see the bright rim of red at his eyes. He understood.

This was the last meal.

Taking his hand again, she led him into the dim of her bedroom, pulling him behind her at reverent pace.

When she reached the bed, she turned. Her hand came up, roughing over the round of his ear, the curve of his neck, and she relished the soft rasp of his five o’clock shadow, come early. Lucas shuddered, leaning into her hand and kissing her wrist as it passed, leaving a little spark of electricity that she carried with her as her other hand came up to join the first. She slowly worked the buttons on his crisp black shirt.

There was nothing more to be said as evening settled in. Lucas was a beautiful man, but Jade was resolute. She would not be the reason he lost his soul. Too much depended on him, too many people. She was just one Jade and she had only one gift to give a billionaire. Freedom- freedom to take care of the ones he loved and be the man he’d become.

In reality, there were some small words. Lucas telling her one more time that he loved her, and her telling him she knew, and then watching him drive away.

Strength isn’t overpowering anything JJ- She could hear her father’s deep voice in her head as clear as she could feel the knife that was warring with her heart. Strength is knowing what’s hard, and doing it anyway.

The words echoed in her head as she finally let the tears come. They burst like the storm that had rolled out to sea, taking the truth of the moment and knitting it to her soul. She was strong enough to see what was real in all this with Lucas. She was strong enough to do what she knew she had to. The tears were her admission to the one truth that hurt the most.

She was strong enough to be broken.